Cougar-ish

“How long should a woman keep being selfish with her Hello Kitty?…And when does the “cougar age” begin?…Asking for a friend.” 😂

The last few months I have gotten so many messages from women telling me about their personal experiences with dating younger men. Some good and some not so good, but with all of the stories I read, ALL OF YOU NEED JESUS!

Thank you to all my willing and non-willing participants. - Love, Raya 😘

If anyone is new here, let me give you some background on why women are sharing their experiences. Last year, I met a young man whom is over 10 years younger than me. Nothing has developed other than a friendship because I let him know I cannot offer him anything more than just that. Every now and then, he tries to convince me otherwise, but I still stand my ground. He does have all the accolades of a man my age and older and I do love how he talks to me (he makes me blush sometimes with the things he says), the way he dresses could be a little better, but he’s 25 and he’s in that generation of questionable style, but he does have a beautiful smile, and very muscular…he’s a gorgeous young man, but I still will not let him have me. I even asked one of my guy friends what I should do with him and he told me that I don’t owe him anything and I have the upper hand so I can do whatever I want with him and not feel guilty about it. I think the guilty part is what keeps me from letting this young man pull my panties to the side. He’s from Chicago, so that’s what I will refer to him as.

But the stories that YOU LADIES shared with me…I feel like I need to take my brain out and wash it several times over because you are too much! But in each story, the ladies made it clear that the experience was purely for their pleasure and entertainment. Some of the women spoiled their young men, flew them out on trips, took them shopping, had them run errands, or do chores around the house….and I am just fascinated! I am capable of doing things like that for a man and I do not have issues spoiling a man, but it’s the thought of doing such things and when he cannot do the same for me is another thing I am stuck on. But Chicago is cable of treating me because he already has a professional career with a 401k and substantial savings…I still can’t give into him though.

One of you ladies suggested that I just try him out to see if this is something I can be comfortable doing. I’m like “try him out?” — He’s not a pair of shoes, he’s a person. He has feelings. I can’t just put him back on the shelf if it’s not a good fit. My guy friends tell me that if I do decide to do anything with him and I do not like the whole experience or vibe then I can just cut him off without explanation. Hey, I’ve mentioned plenty of times that my guy friends are a little unfiltered. And you know what I realized a few times when hanging out with them, I don’t think most of them know how old I am. I think they may presume I am close to their age because I connect with them very well and effortlessly, but realistically, most of the male friends I communicate with often average 8-14 years older than me. Some of them have asked me my age, but I never gave a straight answer.

“Bitties”

Dear Future Lover,

Treat me good and you will have it ALL.

As far as this whole idea of being involved with someone much younger, there is no convincing me that this is a good idea. Another woman shared that she was fooling around with a young one in college and even attended his graduation and went to his graduation party WHERE HIS FAMILY WAS AT!!! 😮 Yeahhh, I don’t want to meet any family, especially parents. Another woman shared that she went to her young lover’s baby shower, BABY SHOWER that was held at the expecting girl’s parents house! Of course I had so many questions for this devious woman! But what almost knocked my out of my chair was when she said that they had sex in the baby-momma-to-be bed while everyone was outside! I have no words. But you know what, I do like for a man I’m involved with to suggest risky things like that. 💦

From what I gathered from all of the ladies stories is that younger men want to please you because it boosts their ego and confidence to have an older woman so they are going to make more of an effort to give you what makes you happy, but they are still going to try to assert dominance because they don’t want to be treated like a child, so they may challenge you a bit…which I do not mind at all, I like for a man to put bass in his voice and check me sometimes 😼. They want you to know that they ARE grown men even though they are younger. Although, all of you ladies said in one form or another that the young ones still have their childish ways, but the good thing about being older is that you already have your life structured to how you want it, so you can close the door anytime if the young man isn’t entertaining anymore. — I’m like, Woooow, you women are COLD! 👀

I am still not convince that this is a route for me. Maybe in another 10 years, but I just cannot see myself in those kinds of situations. Chicago is just going to have to eventually move on or deal with me not giving in. 😌


UnBirthday 2022

There is a lot of confusion of when my birthday actually is. My mother says one thing, my birth certificate says another, and I acknowledge my birthday on a different day every few years. So all of May is my “UnBirthday”. This year is a little extra special because I not only finally decided to celebrate my birthday openly, but I also decided to celebrate my recent accomplishments….three weeks long of celebrations in different states.

I am completely worn out! The last time I celebrated myself was maybe 8 years ago and since then, I’ve just been keeping life very simple. This year I wanted to be different. And I am so blessed with the people I have in my life who have celebrated me in private as well as in public. There are people that support you and then there are people who show their support for you.

My genuine readers have been amazing through the years. I will always keep a veil of privacy between what I do and what I share. The reason is for my peace of mind because I don’t always want someone else’s input on what I decide for myself. Not everyone will understand and that’s ok. As long as I am not causing harm to myself or others, then if I wish to keep certain things to myself, then so be it.

But when I celebrate, I want to celebrate with anyone and everyone who has imprinted on my life in a great way. There should not be any bad energy when all you want to do is smile, be grateful, be happy, and enjoy everything that you’ve accomplished, personally and professionally. I am overly ecstatic that in the last few weeks I was surrounded by people who were on the same groove as me. I could not have asked for anything better.


The (UN)Birthday Celebrations

 
PicsArt_05-20-08.13.47.jpg
 

PicsArt_05-19-08.41.15.jpg

2020 may not what we expected but, YOU still make it great.

The meaning and significance of the UN-Birthday is derived from Alice in Wonderland. I wrote several thesis statements about this novel. The story has many scenarios that reflect real life experiences and indistinct messages that translate into affirmations. I've pulled quotes from it and have made references to Lewis Carroll in my writings. Disney may have put their own touch on it, but it’s more than just a kids’ story.

  • There has always been a mystery to when my actual birth date is. We know it's in May, the day? Unsure, but most years, I honor what my Thai birth certificate has printed. (In my obstinate nature, I once honored my birthday in November…simply because I want to.) Celebrating an UNbirthday is celebrating a day that's not your birthday...it's celebrating anything you want to.

Those of us who had, have, or will have birthdays during this time, it's okay, just don't add this year to your age, you didn't use it anyway, right? Just kidding, you can still celebrate. Creative Minds, this is your time to shine and show us what happiness within a confined space can look like.

_20200523115106541_save.jpg

I used to have extravagant parties in my early years, spent beyond the budgets. Even in my teenage years, my childhood home had a renovated basement that housed a pool table, a ping-pong table, and a big screen with surround sound — You can image how great those birthday parties were among my peers. As of recently, I have toned it down and decided to only be opulent for major accomplishments (this year being one of them, but a global virus has paused my plans). New experiences I faced have taught me to more acknowledge everyday as a celebration.

When I schedule trips or make reservations, I’m usually asked, “What the occasion?

My response, “Life.” — If you cannot find a reason to enjoy your day, pull the silver-lining, or see the glass as half full, then you are letting yourself down My Dear.

alice1.gif

I learned to care less about negative criticism and distance myself from bad energy, especially when I am living in a manner that promotes good health and personal progression. Although, that does not mean I’m 100% right or cannot make room for improvements. No matter what stage we are in life, there’s always opportunity for growth — to learn more, to apologize, to forgive, to let go. People are not always going to agree with you and that’s fine, but you have to ask if you agree with yourself?

Don’t underestimate that when you have concerns, others close to you can sense those apprehensions and develop prejudices on your behalf… or against you depending on the relationship you have with a person. If my loved one is bothered by something, I’m bothered by it too whether or not they share all the details with me…I stand front line for my people and have gotten into a bit of trouble in some scenarios, BUT there are limitations to my willingness and support. I do not mind helping someone maneuver through tough issues, but if those issues begin to interfere with my personal beliefs or impact my mental/physical health, I have to separate myself.

Don’t feel bad or have any woes over celebrating endings…

Recently, I stepped away from a friendship of many years because I could no longer emotionally support, agree, and be the “Yes” person to her repetitive questionable decisions and actions; it was affecting how I viewed her as a woman, as a friend and how I viewed myself as a woman and as a friend. Although, I enjoyed the close friendship we once had and there is no love lost on my end, I no longer wish to keep any closeness with this person. Cruel? Maybe. Necessary? Yes. (I am not bothered if I’m being considered the asshole in some situations.)

running away.gif

Wasn't it easier to walk away from people when we were younger? Back then when you called someone, you were calling their house phone and my father vouched for me if I didn't want to talk to someone, click. And the other way to reach me was through a pager where you could only send numeric messages...until a few years later when you could send alphabetical messages — [Yeah, I’m that old and I had to connect my portable CD player to the car's cassette stereo; it was agony anytime you hit a bump in the road.] Or you could confront me in school and have an all out brawl so everyone would know the friendship has been tainted. Then we'd get thrown into the principal’s office, suspended, and back to school with the student body divided into two sides; who was right vs. who was more right. Your peers celebrated you for your feistiness.

Adulting is a bit more complicated, stress ages you quicker, and throwing fists is frowned upon, and apparently it's also unladylike. I read a funny meme that said:

“Fighting is ghetto. I’m pressing charges.”

growth.gif

Yeah, when you come of age there's consequences when playing tough -- there's no celebration if you have aggravated assault charges pending against you and my skincare regiment doesn’t allow for that kind of nonsense. Even though I’m no Spring chicken, nor am I strolling the avenue for lovers half my age or less my caliber to help me feel young (topic reference HERE) — I refuse to look like life was hard on me or that others made it hard for me. Grow through what you go through…and honor that growth.

A celebration is simply an acknowledgment or applause of a succeeded act. Is everyday not an achievement? Why wait for a birth date to celebrate someone or time spent with them? Why wait to celebrate yourself and all you have done? I don’t know who raised me to think I need a new outfit every time anything minor happens, but there are such things a celebrating in private or celebrating in silence. I’ll just wear my new dress to the living room and for my mirror. Several times this year, I celebrated myself without including others; it’s my right to keep things to myself even if it’s good news — I don’t have an active marriage certificate with anyone and I don’t always want to parade myself for people.

At times I think: How important is the show of the celebration vs. the reason behind the celebration? It’s still a celebration nonetheless, right? Is the love different between a public marriage proposal vs. a private proposal? I suppose it depends on the individual(s). Of course if you wish to have a fireworks show, by all means spark the light. To each her own. I find value in intimacy. Have you ever heard the saying:

“A gentleman's name should appear in the newspaper only three times: When he's born, when he marries, and when he dies.”

20200519_220213.jpg

As I am growing in life, this simple sentiment speaks volumes when it comes to identifying what and how to celebrate. Yes, it refers to men (I frown upon men who lack relative sense and certain disciplines. Sir, have some decency and honor in your behavior.), but it also attributes to humbleness and humility…and that’s what I’m focused on celebrating these days.

Here's to all of you; for being here, there, or anywhere you are and living the best way you can. Triumphing through the uncertainties, helping those around you, not waiting for the storm to pass, but instead learning how to dance in the rain. Congratulations to all that you are.


Screenshot_20200521-123557_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20200522-211514_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20200521-123614_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20200523-003624_Instagram.jpg