UnBirthday 2022

May 24, 2022

There is a lot of confusion of when my birthday actually is. My mother says one thing, my birth certificate says another, and I acknowledge my birthday on a different day every few years. So all of May is my “UnBirthday”. This year is a little extra special because I not only finally decided to celebrate my birthday openly, but I also decided to celebrate my recent accomplishments….three weeks long of celebrations in different states.

I am completely worn out! The last time I celebrated myself was maybe 8 years ago and since then, I’ve just been keeping life very simple. This year I wanted to be different. And I am so blessed with the people I have in my life who have celebrated me in private as well as in public. There are people that support you and then there are people who show their support for you.

My genuine readers have been amazing through the years. I will always keep a veil of privacy between what I do and what I share. The reason is for my peace of mind because I don’t always want someone else’s input on what I decide for myself. Not everyone will understand and that’s ok. As long as I am not causing harm to myself or others, then if I wish to keep certain things to myself, then so be it.

But when I celebrate, I want to celebrate with anyone and everyone who has imprinted on my life in a great way. There should not be any bad energy when all you want to do is smile, be grateful, be happy, and enjoy everything that you’ve accomplished, personally and professionally. I am overly ecstatic that in the last few weeks I was surrounded by people who were on the same groove as me. I could not have asked for anything better.

The (UN)Birthday Celebrations

May 22, 2020

2020 may not what we expected but, YOU still make it great.

The meaning and significance of the UN-Birthday is derived from Alice in Wonderland. I wrote several thesis statements about this novel. The story has many scenarios that reflect real life experiences and indistinct messages that translate into affirmations. I've pulled quotes from it and have made references to Lewis Carroll in my writings. Disney may have put their own touch on it, but it’s more than just a kids’ story.

There has always been a mystery to when my actual birth date is. We know it's in May, the day? Unsure, but most years, I honor what my Thai birth certificate has printed. (In my obstinate nature, I once honored my birthday in November…simply because I want to.) Celebrating an UNbirthday is celebrating a day that's not your birthday...it's celebrating anything you want to.

Those of us who had, have, or will have birthdays during this time, it's okay, just don't add this year to your age, you didn't use it anyway, right? Just kidding, you can still celebrate. Creative Minds, this is your time to shine and show us what happiness within a confined space can look like.

I used to have extravagant parties in my early years, spent beyond the budgets. Even in my teenage years, my childhood home had a renovated basement that housed a pool table, a ping-pong table, and a big screen with surround sound — You can image how great those birthday parties were among my peers. As of recently, I have toned it down and decided to only be opulent for major accomplishments (this year being one of them, but a global virus has paused my plans). New experiences I faced have taught me to more acknowledge everyday as a celebration.

When I schedule trips or make reservations, I’m usually asked, “What the occasion?”

My response, “Life.” — If you cannot find a reason to enjoy your day, pull the silver-lining, or see the glass as half full, then you are letting yourself down My Dear.

I learned to care less about negative criticism and distance myself from bad energy, especially when I am living in a manner that promotes good health and personal progression. Although, that does not mean I’m 100% right or cannot make room for improvements. No matter what stage we are in life, there’s always opportunity for growth — to learn more, to apologize, to forgive, to let go. People are not always going to agree with you and that’s fine, but you have to ask if you agree with yourself?

Don’t underestimate that when you have concerns, others close to you can sense those apprehensions and develop prejudices on your behalf… or against you depending on the relationship you have with a person. If my loved one is bothered by something, I’m bothered by it too whether or not they share all the details with me…I stand front line for my people and have gotten into a bit of trouble in some scenarios, BUT there are limitations to my willingness and support. I do not mind helping someone maneuver through tough issues, but if those issues begin to interfere with my personal beliefs or impact my mental/physical health, I have to separate myself.

Don’t feel bad or have any woes over celebrating endings…

Recently, I stepped away from a friendship of many years because I could no longer emotionally support, agree, and be the “Yes” person to her repetitive questionable decisions and actions; it was affecting how I viewed her as a woman, as a friend and how I viewed myself as a woman and as a friend. Although, I enjoyed the close friendship we once had and there is no love lost on my end, I no longer wish to keep any closeness with this person. Cruel? Maybe. Necessary? Yes. (I am not bothered if I’m being considered the asshole in some situations.)

Wasn't it easier to walk away from people when we were younger? Back then when you called someone, you were calling their house phone and my father vouched for me if I didn't want to talk to someone, click. And the other way to reach me was through a pager where you could only send numeric messages...until a few years later when you could send alphabetical messages — [Yeah, I’m that old and I had to connect my portable CD player to the car's cassette stereo; it was agony anytime you hit a bump in the road.] Or you could confront me in school and have an all out brawl so everyone would know the friendship has been tainted. Then we'd get thrown into the principal’s office, suspended, and back to school with the student body divided into two sides; who was right vs. who was more right. Your peers celebrated you for your feistiness.

Adulting is a bit more complicated, stress ages you quicker, and throwing fists is frowned upon, and apparently it's also unladylike. I read a funny meme that said:

“Fighting is ghetto. I’m pressing charges.”

Yeah, when you come of age there's consequences when playing tough -- there's no celebration if you have aggravated assault charges pending against you and my skincare regiment doesn’t allow for that kind of nonsense. Even though I’m no Spring chicken, nor am I strolling the avenue for lovers half my age or less my caliber to help me feel young (topic reference HERE) — I refuse to look like life was hard on me or that others made it hard for me. Grow through what you go through…and honor that growth.

A celebration is simply an acknowledgment or applause of a succeeded act. Is everyday not an achievement? Why wait for a birth date to celebrate someone or time spent with them? Why wait to celebrate yourself and all you have done? I don’t know who raised me to think I need a new outfit every time anything minor happens, but there are such things a celebrating in private or celebrating in silence. I’ll just wear my new dress to the living room and for my mirror. Several times this year, I celebrated myself without including others; it’s my right to keep things to myself even if it’s good news — I don’t have an active marriage certificate with anyone and I don’t always want to parade myself for people.

At times I think: How important is the show of the celebration vs. the reason behind the celebration? It’s still a celebration nonetheless, right? Is the love different between a public marriage proposal vs. a private proposal? I suppose it depends on the individual(s). Of course if you wish to have a fireworks show, by all means spark the light. To each her own. I find value in intimacy. Have you ever heard the saying:

“A gentleman's name should appear in the newspaper only three times: When he's born, when he marries, and when he dies.”

As I am growing in life, this simple sentiment speaks volumes when it comes to identifying what and how to celebrate. Yes, it refers to men (I frown upon men who lack relative sense and certain disciplines. Sir, have some decency and honor in your behavior.), but it also attributes to humbleness and humility…and that’s what I’m focused on celebrating these days.

Here's to all of you; for being here, there, or anywhere you are and living the best way you can. Triumphing through the uncertainties, helping those around you, not waiting for the storm to pass, but instead learning how to dance in the rain. Congratulations to all that you are.