Don't Give Everyone Access

😮 After almost 2 years, this is still the most viewed and searched post throughout my entire site. I hope those of you who keep coming back to this is finding something useful within my words.

Don’t feel like reading? Listen instead.

Let’s talk a moment.

You know you are awesome, right? So let’s agree that not everyone is deserving to be around you. That doesn’t mean shutting people out completely, but rather being aware that there are people who are not for you and just want to take from you…

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  • Your energy

  • Your confidence

  • Your hard work

  • Your finances

  • Your rewards

  • YOUR PEACE OF MIND

…without giving anything back in return.

If they can’t meet you where you stand or even come half way, then don’t you dare go all the way for them. We all have an intuition and all of our intuitions tell us when someone is not right for us. Many of us do ignore this because we want to be wanted, we want to be needed, we want to be loved. — That’s the human in us.

Although, we have to accept that sometimes it takes people longer to be the best version of them and maybe they are the best they can be at this time, but that doesn’t mean you have to fully welcome them in your life. People can go through metamorphosis at any age, sometimes more than once. Love and care at a distance. You can still have a good heart and not fall victim to someone else’s demons.

  • Years ago a friend and I fell out for reasons that are no longer important, we were at different places in our lives. Later on, this person ended up getting very sick and a mutual friend called me to let me know what was going on. I hopped on the first flight out to see about my sick friend. We didn’t talk about why we stopped speaking to each other, we just carried on and caught up on the missed time and learned about the growth we both went through.

    • We needed to deny access to one another in order create different paths for ourselves and we became better friends after it because we became more willing to listen and understand each other better…and our fall out wasn’t a “be all, end all” we still had an abundance of love for each other. This doesn’t mean all relationships that dissolve will come back together, it just means that sometimes the difference between two people is the distance that needs to be had and what becomes of it afterwards depends on the pivotal points in your life.

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I’ve said this many of times before, I want my peace more than I want attention. — I’m so comfortable with myself that I refuse to allow someone to destroy what I’ve created. Or exhaust my warmth to someone who won’t reciprocate my affections.

Many of us get into relationships (platonic or romantic) and make compromises which is expected, but when those compromises start to turn you into someone you don’t recognize, then there is a problem. LOVE is not folding every time just to make a person feel more comfortable, stable, or secure. LOVE is understanding each other’s weakness and helping to make them stronger. If your weakness is an element of insecurity and your partner doesn’t help you overcome that, then you are either misunderstanding who your partner/friend is OR this person is not the partner/friend for you. Yes, sometimes you also have to deny yourself access to people.

Not everyone is capable to travel with you in life. You are not blocking blessings by keeping people out, you are protecting yourself from being drained by someone or people you are unsure of. YES, let them prove they can stand by you and with you. Some people are there temporarily, some are there for the lesson. Then there are some people who need more time to reach you, give them that time, but keep your focus forward. YOU are the decider of your well being. And yes, it’s hard to separate yourself if you are a giver, but you have to grip on to what keeps you at peace. You cannot give if you are depleted. I am meticulous with how much energy I give and to whom I give it to and I change the levels when necessary.

You can interact with many people and still not allow all of them access to the whole you.

  • I have at lease 5 different groups of friends, some from my past, some I met in passing, some I frequently see or interact with; all of them know a different part of me, some of them know a different version of me, but only a select few know all of me. — I made it that way.

I love and enjoy ALL of my friends and family, I appreciate that we are not the same. Each of them ignite different pieces of me, but I know all of them cannot, will not, or are not equipped to take the same road as me. It’s no one’s fault. It also wouldn’t be right of me to take (possibly carry) someone on a journey they are not ready for. Therefore, access to me remains selective and limited. I trust what I know about each person in my life…read that again.

Everyone doesn’t deserve access to you.

 
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Stock Market For Beginners (E-BOOK)

If you did not get a chance to catch this post when I shared all the basics about the Stock Market for FREE…

You can still get all the research I gathered when I began investing in the UPDATED 2021 eBook for just $12.

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Here are some key topics from the E-Book:

The are 2 major stock exchanges in the U.S.

  1. The New York Stock Exchange (NYSE)

  2. NASDAQ

Here are the basic Stock Terms: (There are 9 more listed in the E-Book)

  1. What is a STOCK? A stock is a type of investment that represents an ownership share in a company

  2. What is a SHAREHOLDER? A person who purchased a stock and now owns that stock which is a portion of a company.

  3. What is a STOCK PORTFOLIO? A portfolio is a grouping of financial assets such as stocks, bonds, commodities, currencies and cash equivalents, as well as their fund counterparts, including mutual, exchange-traded and closed funds. A portfolio can also consist of non-publicly tradable securities, like real estate, art, and private investments

Other Topics I Cover:

  • Conservative vs. Aggressive Investing

  • Stock Order Types

  • User-Friendly Apps for Beginners detailing features of each app

  • Book Suggestions

  • Author’s Notes

The eBook covers all the basic information to help you gain stock market knowledge so you can feel more comfortable about starting your investment portfolio today!

GET THE E-BOOK NOW

Here is another download with information on certain tech stocks.

OTHER WAYS TO MAKE MONEY

Here are more options outside of stock trading to gain added income:

  • Sell your skills/knowledge - Utilize what you know, package it up, develop an audience and sell

  • Monetize your website - Use tools like Adsense, Google Analytics, and Amazon features to make money when people visit your site

  • Referral Links - Take advantage of special links that pay you a commission when someone signs up or purchases through your link

  • eCommerce - Create a store and sell online. With so many user friendly eCommerce apps, there are many ways to sell almost anything you want online

*Later on, I’ll provide more comprehensive information that will feature tips on how to earn extra income. This may be great for those who have been furloughed or feel they are not making enough with their current employer. But remember, nothing is earned without putting in the work.

 
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The Real Preference

So I got a lot of private messages and emails regarding a portion of my last post about my travels through PA/DE, specifically what I said about Northeast men. If you have not gotten a chance to read my last post, below is the snippet:

This is a Screen Capture, but if you want to read the full details, see HERE.

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Many of the message were asking me why I have such a bias against southern and west coast men or telling me that I haven’t met the “right” southern guy yet. Let’s be clear…I DON’T HAVE ANY BIAS. My interests with men have much to do with my personal experiences with them, what made/makes me smile, and how I would like for the dynamics of my romantic relationship to be. I just like the dominant nature that many northeast men exude, that doesn’t mean I only prefer them over all or that other men are weak.

This is what I want…

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I want my partner to be as confidant and as hard working as I am which means we will have our own separate schedules, but we value each other enough to still put aside some quality time and close out the world just for us. I want him to respect me enough to be protective of me when I’m not around, even when he’s upset with me. I want him not shut me down and out when problems arise. I want him to know when I’m being beside myself and to correct me in private. I want him to brush my hair back and look at me with understanding. When we are out, I want him to subtly hold my hand to remind me…“Don’t worry, I’m right here with you”. I want him to know that I adore the forehead kisses and the quiet hugs. I want him to appreciate that I’m going to be beside him and will strive towards progressing together. I want him to admire that I am my own person and welcome my ideas. I want him to know that I bring my own benefits to the relationship and that he does not need to carry us both. I want him to make decisions not just for himself, but for us. I want him to be the man in our relationship and be proud that I am his woman and not shy away at letting people know he loves me. I want him to be protective of me and what we have…and I like getting flowers randomly. — I’ve yet to come across this or even the potential of this…and I refuse to settle for someone who thinks he can be cohesive with my persona, but disregards me when things get a little difficult for his convenience.

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I’m pretty observant with people and their behaviors, especially men.

I hold men of a certain caliber to a higher esteem and when they fall short, it’s rather disappointing.

If I have high standards for myself, shouldn’t I have high standards for the people around me?

P.S. - If he doesn’t read anything I write, is he really into me??? My website is no secret, so if he doesn’t take even a slight interest in something that I created, then how much does he really want to be involved in my life??? I’ve had plenty of men like me and enjoy my company, but when I mentioned my different endeavours, I got little to no feedback. It would make me feel like I was only a face to them.

Meal Suggestion: Eggs in Purgatory

(During quarantine a few of my friends and I have been sharing meal recipes and cooking tips back and forth.)

Cook time is about 25 mins. Preheat the oven at 375 degrees F.

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  • 2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil

  • 1 small red onion - diced

  • 3 cloves garlic - minced

  • 1 can reduced-sodium chickpeas - (I didn’t add this when I made this meal)

  • 1 can  tomato pasta sauce - (24 ounces)

  • 1 teaspoon dried oregano

  • 1 teaspoon kosher salt

  • 1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes

  • 5 ounces baby spinach

  • 3-4 large eggs (depending on how many people are eating)

  • 1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese

  • Chopped fresh basil

Heat the olive oil in a large, ovenproof, nonstick skillet over medium-high. Add the onion and cook, stirring often, until the onion is translucent, about 3 minutes. Add the garlic and cook just until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Stir in the tomato sauce, oregano, salt, and red pepper flakes. Bring to a simmer and let cook until slightly thickened. Stir in the spinach and let it wilt. With the back of a spoon, make 4 indentations in the sauce. Crack one egg inside of each, then sprinkle the Parmesan cheese over the whole dish.

Transfer the pan to the oven. Bake until the egg whites are set but the yolks are still soft, 10 to 12 minutes. Remove from the oven and sprinkle with fresh basil. Serve hot with baguette or garlic bread slices.

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The (UN)Birthday Celebrations

 
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2020 may not what we expected but, YOU still make it great.

The meaning and significance of the UN-Birthday is derived from Alice in Wonderland. I wrote several thesis statements about this novel. The story has many scenarios that reflect real life experiences and indistinct messages that translate into affirmations. I've pulled quotes from it and have made references to Lewis Carroll in my writings. Disney may have put their own touch on it, but it’s more than just a kids’ story.

  • There has always been a mystery to when my actual birth date is. We know it's in May, the day? Unsure, but most years, I honor what my Thai birth certificate has printed. (In my obstinate nature, I once honored my birthday in November…simply because I want to.) Celebrating an UNbirthday is celebrating a day that's not your birthday...it's celebrating anything you want to.

Those of us who had, have, or will have birthdays during this time, it's okay, just don't add this year to your age, you didn't use it anyway, right? Just kidding, you can still celebrate. Creative Minds, this is your time to shine and show us what happiness within a confined space can look like.

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I used to have extravagant parties in my early years, spent beyond the budgets. Even in my teenage years, my childhood home had a renovated basement that housed a pool table, a ping-pong table, and a big screen with surround sound — You can image how great those birthday parties were among my peers. As of recently, I have toned it down and decided to only be opulent for major accomplishments (this year being one of them, but a global virus has paused my plans). New experiences I faced have taught me to more acknowledge everyday as a celebration.

When I schedule trips or make reservations, I’m usually asked, “What the occasion?”

My response, “Life.” — If you cannot find a reason to enjoy your day, pull the silver-lining, or see the glass as half full, then you are letting yourself down My Dear.

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I learned to care less about negative criticism and distance myself from bad energy, especially when I am living in a manner that promotes good health and personal progression. Although, that does not mean I’m 100% right or cannot make room for improvements. No matter what stage we are in life, there’s always opportunity for growth — to learn more, to apologize, to forgive, to let go. People are not always going to agree with you and that’s fine, but you have to ask if you agree with yourself?

Don’t underestimate that when you have concerns, others close to you can sense those apprehensions and develop prejudices on your behalf… or against you depending on the relationship you have with a person. If my loved one is bothered by something, I’m bothered by it too whether or not they share all the details with me…I stand front line for my people and have gotten into a bit of trouble in some scenarios, BUT there are limitations to my willingness and support. I do not mind helping someone maneuver through tough issues, but if those issues begin to interfere with my personal beliefs or impact my mental/physical health, I have to separate myself.

Don’t feel bad or have any woes over celebrating endings…

Recently, I stepped away from a friendship of many years because I could no longer emotionally support, agree, and be the “Yes” person to her repetitive questionable decisions and actions; it was affecting how I viewed her as a woman, as a friend and how I viewed myself as a woman and as a friend. Although, I enjoyed the close friendship we once had and there is no love lost on my end, I no longer wish to keep any closeness with this person. Cruel? Maybe. Necessary? Yes. (I am not bothered if I’m being considered the asshole in some situations.)

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Wasn't it easier to walk away from people when we were younger? Back then when you called someone, you were calling their house phone and my father vouched for me if I didn't want to talk to someone, click. And the other way to reach me was through a pager where you could only send numeric messages...until a few years later when you could send alphabetical messages — [Yeah, I’m that old and I had to connect my portable CD player to the car's cassette stereo; it was agony anytime you hit a bump in the road.] Or you could confront me in school and have an all out brawl so everyone would know the friendship has been tainted. Then we'd get thrown into the principal’s office, suspended, and back to school with the student body divided into two sides; who was right vs. who was more right. Your peers celebrated you for your feistiness.

Adulting is a bit more complicated, stress ages you quicker, and throwing fists is frowned upon, and apparently it's also unladylike. I read a funny meme that said:

“Fighting is ghetto. I’m pressing charges.”

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Yeah, when you come of age there's consequences when playing tough -- there's no celebration if you have aggravated assault charges pending against you and my skincare regiment doesn’t allow for that kind of nonsense. Even though I’m no Spring chicken, nor am I strolling the avenue for lovers half my age or less my caliber to help me feel young (topic reference HERE) — I refuse to look like life was hard on me or that others made it hard for me. Grow through what you go through…and honor that growth.

A celebration is simply an acknowledgment or applause of a succeeded act. Is everyday not an achievement? Why wait for a birth date to celebrate someone or time spent with them? Why wait to celebrate yourself and all you have done? I don’t know who raised me to think I need a new outfit every time anything minor happens, but there are such things a celebrating in private or celebrating in silence. I’ll just wear my new dress to the living room and for my mirror. Several times this year, I celebrated myself without including others; it’s my right to keep things to myself even if it’s good news — I don’t have an active marriage certificate with anyone and I don’t always want to parade myself for people.

At times I think: How important is the show of the celebration vs. the reason behind the celebration? It’s still a celebration nonetheless, right? Is the love different between a public marriage proposal vs. a private proposal? I suppose it depends on the individual(s). Of course if you wish to have a fireworks show, by all means spark the light. To each her own. I find value in intimacy. Have you ever heard the saying:

“A gentleman's name should appear in the newspaper only three times: When he's born, when he marries, and when he dies.”

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As I am growing in life, this simple sentiment speaks volumes when it comes to identifying what and how to celebrate. Yes, it refers to men (I frown upon men who lack relative sense and certain disciplines. Sir, have some decency and honor in your behavior.), but it also attributes to humbleness and humility…and that’s what I’m focused on celebrating these days.

Here's to all of you; for being here, there, or anywhere you are and living the best way you can. Triumphing through the uncertainties, helping those around you, not waiting for the storm to pass, but instead learning how to dance in the rain. Congratulations to all that you are.

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Welcome Back…Kinda

 
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Travel Protection

 

Hello Humans, welcome back to the outside. How does the air smell? First, let me get this thought out of the way, “Can somebody’s President PLEASE listen to his speech writers?! I don’t want to make this political because when it comes to politics, I pay attention to the policies not necessarily the person sitting in the seat. But c’mon now — Let’s word things a bit better. Can we at least seem like we have some of the top rated schools in the country?

[If you want to catch a good movie that pokes fun of political stereotypes, stream The Hunt. The movie stars Hillary Swank, but you don't see her until mid scenes. The film has a bit of humor and references George Orwell's Animal Farm which perked my ears when I heard one of the characters say, "She's our Snowball". For those who don't remember or did not study Animal Farm in middle school, the novel is a political satire about the Soviet Union during Communist rule; basically the oppression from government powers.]

Moving on, let’s do a recap:

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  • Quarantine orders are lifting (some of you didn’t adhere to them in the first place). Congratulations you’ve completed Level 4 of Jumanji. There’s still talks about us getting another round of the Virus near the end of the year that will couple with Flu and Cold Season — Alrighty then, let’s mask-on and do this! *Keep yourselves protected. (I am in no rush to risk getting sick.)

  • This is my sole opinion but, some people are just idiots when it comes to this whole pandemic; just making the most questionable decisions no matter who it affects. Yeah, not all of us can be heros and we may relate more to the villain, but we don’t have to choose that route. Remember my thoughts in “Everyone Loves the Hero, but No One Forgets the Villain.” Some people are already hard to forget but, others are just senseless.

  • A lot of people and companies are not planning to head back into the office or open their doors any time soon. — Me, I am people.

  • Many small businesses did not survive and were unable to get Relief Loans and yet, huge corporation received emergency funding…..hmmmmm, how did that happen? To the small businesses that not only had a physical location, but also an online retail service for goods and supplies before the pandemic hit, smart moves, you guys were ahead of the curve and already created a stable brand with loyal customers to keep you from plummeting. And credit to those small business owners who had a '“rain day” account and/or whom are deeply connected to their communities that this little setback didn’t hurt much. If you have a business and have not invested in marketing….ya might want to get on that.

  • Those of you who received some of the stimulus aid learned really quick it was not enough. Others are still waiting on their checks. And some people who are getting the extra Unemployment aid are making more money now than when they were working. — I hope you know about budgeting and managing expenses.

  • Mental Health has become a problem and the trauma of the pandemic did not help and within that issue, Domestic Violence cases has gone up (HERE is an organization that helps women financially to leave an abusive relationship.)

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  • Some relationships have been tested and facing the brink of failure. A good friend is set to be married this year and his fiance is now questioning their love for one another, but that's not my business to discuss. — Hang in there Homie, you’ll get through it. As I mentioned it in a previous post, Marry Your Bestfriend = Marry someone who you get excited to tell good news to, who you like being around even if you're saying nothing, who tries to understand you, who wants to stand by and work with you through life's changes, who makes you laugh on the hard days, who makes the best days even better, and who can lock eyes with you and you get the feeling of admiration.

  • I’ll keep this PG, but we may see an influx of newborns in DEC/JAN/FEB. -- Hey Babies, Auntie RayRay will be ready to dress you up next summer. We are doing 2 summers next year.

  • The Stock Market is a shit show. I guess I’m not retiring this year. Yet, that didn’t stop me from buying some energy stocks that are now under $10. (See more info on energy stocks HERE.)

  • So many people don’t know how to wear masks properly and I feel like I’m about to go rob a bank anytime I pull my mask up before walking into a building. — “Okay, park the car around back, leave the engine running, I’ll be out with the goods in 14.2 minutes. If I’m not out be then, just head to the meetup spot and wait for my call.”

  • Video conferencing platforms has skyrocketed and is the new phone call: Zoom, Google Meet/Hangouts/Duo, Microsoft Meetings, etc.

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  • “Club Quarantine” has rescued many of us from going crazy. I added some more 70’s and 80’s songs to my daily playlist. — Don’t think too much on how old I may be, I’m old enough to see that your well-to-do son may be nice, but his well-to-do divorcee father would be a better fit to my life. #WhosYoDaddy

  • TikTok is this thing the kids are using to show off...whatever they like to show off these days. Also, if you were not aware, here is some trivia: TikTok was developed by ByteDance a Chinese corporation that headquarters in Beijing and averages about 7 Billion in revenue a year. ByteDance is valued at US$75 billion, making it the most valuable startup in the world. Zhang Yiming, founded the company in 2012 and is 37 years old. His net worth is 16.2 billion for 2020. WOW. How serious do you think a 16.2 billion dollar man is when conducting business meetings? (No, the company is not publicly traded, I already checked.)

A man once told me:

"The more successful you are, the more people you'll disappoint, the more promises you'll break; not to mention the hearts you'll shatter, and the more of a threat you become. When you are sitting at the top of your success, be prepared for the work that comes with managing the people around you.

He also said to me:

When you put your money away, keep the lower bills on the outside to hide your bigger bills, don't ever talk about how much money you have. Let them assume."

I like it when men give me useful life tidbits. The man who gave me this knowledge owns a NBA team. -- I’m pretty sure he knows what he's talking about.

  • Homeschooling is not for everyone. — Not sure if the case went anywhere but, a few Drexel University students have sued the school over the appropriation of their student loans since now they are tele-learning. When my current institution switched to 100% e-learning, to ensure all on campus students were aware of the procedures, all the faculty sent out emails giving set by step instructions on where to locate materials and how to complete assignments online. I giggled over this because, I’ve been e-learning the whole time with my program and some of the instructions seemed very grade school. Also, let’s see about my NEXT degree. Yup, might as well go back in for another round. Hey, why not? I hear Harvard has a good Business program or because of the rising issues with mental wellness, I may revisit what my first degree started. Don’t worry, I’ll offer a discount on your first therapy session.

  • Alcohol deliveries will continue indefinitely in some areas. — Goodness, I don’t know who all is raising the upcoming generations but, let’s try to be functional drinkers….for the kids.

  • Some of you are really good cooks, I applaud you. I've been taking extra time to make my plates photogenic.

  • I began curating Essential Packs for busy women in mid February and since then I’ve been working with nonprofits to get these packs to women involved in their organizations. Plus, I’ve been able to connect with new vendors for other essential items to include into your daily routines.

  • When I feel it’s my time to go out into the world, I may just disappear for 2 months. — Don’t send a search party and don’t tag my phone, the signal will be diverted. I promise I will be safe. I’ll mail out postcards; Wish you were here!

Lastly, I love all your emails. Thank you.

 
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Mental Health During a Pandemic

 
 

Working from home is becoming the new normal for many of us. In a previous post, “Make it Work Anywhere” I discuss how important it is to stay productive when you are not in a traditional office setting. I cannot envision myself not working. Yet, the sentiment is slightly different because of the uncertainty around us and not knowing how soon we can get back to normal. T-shirts have become my new daily office look, but if I have a video call, I do make an attempt to be business friendly. I've not resorted to turning a pillow into an outfit, so we are all still safe.

Even though these are worrisome times, I find a bit of satisfaction thinking how the grocery store clerks are part of this under acknowledged group of HEROS. It hurts my heart when I see people mistreat customer service workers and belittle them or speak to them in condescending tones. You really have to be a descendant of evil to be so ugly towards people, especially people you don't know and are just coming to do their jobs and go home. Don't get me wrong, there are a few customer service workers who start off with bad attitudes and should probably just stay home, but different age groups from teenagers to elders are getting up to restock shelves or prepare to-go orders so WE can continue to eat and maintain our lives the best way we can.

And how are you processing your new lives? Did you create yourself a routine? Are you finding ways to connect with people from afar? Most importantly, how is your mental wellness? Even before the Stay At Home orders were made, I’m sure many of us faced certain issues with depression, anxiety, addiction, obsessive compulsiveness, etc., so it doesn’t help that we are restricted to mainly be in one place all day, everyday. I keep thinking about the short story by Edgar Allen Poe called, The Pit and the Pendulum. Although the story is much darker than what we are facing…and referencing Poe may give you a little insight on the levels that my mind can go to…it’s the idea of feeling trapped and not know what is to happen to us or what is to occur next. Our minds can really lead us to dreary places. Here is an article form CNN Health that talks about how long term isolation can affect us mentally.

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As Scooby-Doo has taught us, monsters are always humans in disguises. We can really become different people if we allow our struggles to get the best of us. I was speaking with my aunt who is a health care professional and she stated that being separated from the world can pose issues with mental wellness and exacerbate any existing conditions. This can be dangerous for yourself and for others around you.

Mental health also correlates with domestic violence. Here is a article from The New York Times that talks about how domestic violence has increased during this pandemic. People who were in abusive situations before the COVID-19 outbreak are now ‘ordered’ to stay in with their abusers. This is a scary thought and I pray for anyone who is in this predicament. I place no judgments on anyone who stays in troubled relationships; people will have reasons that may not make sense to anyone else. All of us think, behave, and react differently. Telling someone to leave an abuser is most of the time easier said than done, it reaches deeper than a physical fear; there is a dependency component that conditions the mind to excuse or accept pain. Even if it is not an abusive environment, an unhealthy relationship is also a problem. (HERE is an organization that helps women financially to leave an abusive relationship.)

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I read a comment that said: “You will begin to understand why they said to marry your best friend.” As couples are spending more time at home with one another, tensions may rise, arguments may happen because stress levels are off the charts with us now trying to figure out how to manage our responsibilities within the same four walls everyday. But, your best friend will know you; know how to speak with you, know how to comfort you, know how to help you stay calm, and know how to still make you feel great during hard times. They won't turn their back on you and let you cope alone and they won't find ways to stay away from you because they feel your stress interferes with their stress…again, marry your best friend. I cannot begin to imagine the turmoil of people out of work and/or people dealing with the virus directly. Thank you to all essential workers.

Let us not forget how the kids are being affected by all of this. They face stress, anxiety, and possible depression symptoms as well...and what if they are in abusive conditions? (Brain, don’t dwell on those thoughts.) Many schools have created meal distribution plans to provide families food; families who may not be able to afford several meals throughout all of the days for their children…How is this not heartbreaking to think about? When I can, I volunteer for organizations that help under-served families. I recall helping build a home for a single mother with three small children. I pray they are all doing well during this crisis.

With the younger generations, most of their lives are infused with some type of social activity or interaction. I spoke with a friend in Georgia and the school district in his area is remaining closed for the rest of the year (as many districts may be doing also) and the school board is automatically advancing students to the next grade. What about the seniors though? Proms and graduations are cancelled…I didn’t care much for things like that when I was in high school, I went to my prom for about an hour and was quickly over it. As extroverted as I can be, I have more peace with my introverted side.

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My godson is a senior this year, his graduation was supposed to be taken place at my previous university, University of Delaware, but his mother told me all ceremonies have been cancelled. That’s rough. I am still going to find a way to go visit him and celebrate him. I’m graduating with my next degree this summer and I’ve already gotten emails from the University that there will be an online ceremony…I wasn’t planning on attending or walking anyway, so this doesn’t bother me at all. I didn’t do it for the show, I did it for the accolade, so just go ahead and mail me my papers, Thank you.

Mental health should not be taken lightly. You know the saying, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste” but it is a wonderful thing to invest in. If you are long time readers of my words, then you know how much I emphasize about taking care of yourself and paying attention to your well being. If you are facing any form of mental concerns or fighting internal demons, it’s best to find a healthy outlet, practice new or different coping regiments. Do something or call someone who helps you feel calm.

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DO NOT let this pandemic turn you into someone you cannot pull yourself away from. Our minds will be boggled with many thoughts….relax. My best advice is to have a personal mantra, something that keeps your aura positive. For me, I need to stay busy for the majority of my time, whether it’s working, ironing out the specifics of my businesses, playing with a hobby, or research/reading. I have my episodes of being overly stressed, anxiety kicking in, my breathing gets tight, I’m worrying about if the email to the staff was clear and if I should have revised it eight more times, then I’m panicking over quality of my work and if I executed with my full potential. What if I was in someone else's shoes and this pandemic severely affected me? What if I was someone who has been furloughed and doesn't know how they will pay all their bills. Even with the stimulus money and unemployment checks, it still may not be enough for many people...I would break down. And what if I had a loved one on a hospital bed with COVID-19? I’m not confident my strength would hold on to me through all that.

It is really hard for me to pull myself back when I’m spiraling through my mind and I have been at a stage where I needed outside help. My mental wellness was suffering. I learned to STOP whatever I am doing, I sit down, lean against a wall, or lay down and I close my eyes for a few minutes and tell my brain to go black. I breathe slowly in and out and I keep 'talking’ to myself, “Relax, breathe, be still, relax, breathe, be still.” I keep doing this until my heart starts beating regularly again and until I begin to feel less tense.

Then, I get back to what I was doing with a clearer mind OR I stop for the rest of the day, possibly a few days, and maybe a quick getaway if I can manage it. I don't do my best if I am not at my best; I’m no good when I’m no good, ya hear what I’m saying?

 
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I truly believe what we are currently experiencing will change the shape of how we live, work, and communicate with one another especially with our friends, families and/or partners.

Stay Safe. Stay Healthy.

 

There is a serious message in this video but, it was mainly created for lighthearted humor.

 

Social Distancing

 
Shirt: Target | Blazer: H&M | Sweatpants: Sorella Boutique | Shoes: Steve Madden

Shirt: Target | Blazer: H&M | Sweatpants: Sorella Boutique | Shoes: Steve Madden

 

03/26/2020 Update:

  1. Senate approves $2 Trillion stimulus deal to help US. See HERE with live updates available.

  2. With how the economy looks right now, would this be a good time to discuss finances with your significant other or even revisit certain money topics with your spouse? (Sharing Finances Article)...Devil's Advocate?

  3. Anyone else having odd dreams during this crisis? (What Dreams May Come Article)

How is everyone? Crazy times huh?

This COVID-19 Pandemic has exploded much more than many of us probably anticipated. States are shutting down and implementing “Shelter in Place” or “Stay at Home” regulations, parks and streets are practically empty, we can only order pick-up or delivery from our favorite restaurants, some of them are even becoming corner stores by providing the essentials like milk, water, and other needs. Bars are resorting to creating “drink kits” to make your favorite drinks at home to keep sales going, entrepreneurs are taking to social media to push sales, schools and companies are closing doors and encouraging online interaction and remote work.

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HELPFUL TIP: Keep the camera off if you are going to do personal things like using the bathroom, and mute your mic if you are having a side conversation, and lastly be presentable if your are doing a video call. I’ve been video chatting and conferencing with people to keep some form of social interaction going. Although, I never had an issue with being distant, I enjoy my solitude…maybe a little too much…but since this has become my only option, I don’t like being told, “No, you can’t go outside.” It's like I'm grounded and being punished for something I didn't do. Yet, people all over are finding ways to stay entertained while being sanctioned indoors. Legendary DJ D-Nice made headlines when he hosted a live stream house party to encourage keeping spirits up.

Who could have imagined this is where we would be right now? I’ve set up my home office, organized my playlists and finished a few books. I also try to escape every now and then just to get some fresh air. We are facing something that our generation, younger generations, and many older generations have never faced before. It’s worrisome. I have been having a hard time sleeping just thinking about everything this virus is effecting and how our lives are basically placed on pause until this dies down.

With the Government grounding us…for our own good…a few days ago, I sent all my loved ones emails about tips and thoughts to stay “normal” during Social Distancing. For those who I did not have email addresses for, I sent a short text messages letting them know they were all in my thoughts. We have no clue how long this is going to last, but it will pass, Stay Positive.

Here is a little excerpt of the email I sent:

Keep Yourself on a Schedule:

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  • If you're working from home, this is really important. If you wake up, exercise, eat, etc. at a certain time, keep that same routine.

  • Keep your same work hours active.

  • DO NOT stay in your PJs all day.

  • Ladies, still maintain your beauty routines: hair, nails, facial cleansing, etc.

  • Men, same for you. I don't know what you guys do to stay appealing, but keep at it kid. 

  • The main thing is not to become too comfortable and be unmotivated to do anything. The air is still breathable, you can step outside for a bit, take a walk, ride a bike, make a store run. (Stay within your cities safety protocols.)

Keep Your Kids on a Schedule:

  • If you have small children, keeping them on a schedule will keep them mentally ready and active for whenever they return to school.

  • Some school districts are creating online learning resources which is GREAT, but parents, DON'T STRESS YOURSELF OUT trying to keep up with their lessons.

  • At best, READ to and with your children...everyday

  • Allot for time away from TV, tablets, and computers.

  • If you are home together, get them on the same eating and break schedule as you.

Another topic I added in the email was to not give in to reconnecting with people who are not good for you. You want to connect with people who mainly had/have a positive presence in your life. Don’t rekindle anything toxic. If you fell out with someone, think about who they were to you and if having them in your life makes you feel like they contribute to you being a better person. If yes, then by all means, mend that connection. Every relationship (friends, family, lovers) will have its ups and down, but what side out weighs the other and what type of communication do you want to have moving forward? A simple “How are you?” will suffice and depending on the response you receive, it will give you an idea on where their thoughts are.

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*This next bit is a little off topic, but a thought was triggered. Do you know what I miss? I miss being courted (see what I did here?), I miss getting butterflies because of someone making an effort to see me smile. I'm all for Women's Rights and independence, but I draw the line at tipping the scales or changing the tone of "boy meets girl". Before college, I entertained the idea of going into broadcast journalism. A young man who was sweet on me listened to how excited I was about this potential career and gifted me with a microphone with my name engraved onto it for my birthday. I don’t know where that young man is today, we didn’t keep in touch; we were kids then and our attention span for each other was limited, but I’ll always remember that gift and the thought he put into it. In elementary school I also remember my classmate, who was a really good sketch artist, drawing me pictures of Winnie the Pooh and all the characters in that cartoon as his way of saying he liked me. I don’t know where that young man is either. I hope both gentlemen are doing well, they had very caring hearts.

Back to real time, the government has pushed through a stimulus packet, see HERE for more information. Although, make sure to learn all the details, if you make above a certain salary, you may not get near $1000 and it’s likely that you may have to pay that amount back…In that case, you can keep my check, I’m good…. There will also be relief for companies and small businesses, but again, be sure to learn all the details because much of this relief will be in the forms of low interest loans.

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Remember in the start of the year when I reflected on how 2019 was a dud? (Reference Adieu 2019). Welp, 2019 was a dud, but 2020 has really shown it’s ass so far, especially for me with some of the things I faced before COVID-19 came to town. Like damn, 2020, who hurt you?! Can I make it up to you in some way? Do you need a hug? I want off this ride. If 2020 was a person, it'd be that kid who runs around the store screaming while his momma ignores the noise and just keeps shopping; why couldn't you just come in, sit down, be quiet and not touch anything?

Prayers to all the Essential Workers, such as medical staff who are still out here facing this virus head on. Prayers to those who are losing business because of this. Prayers to those who have family who are susceptible to contracting COVID-19. Prayers to those who do have this virus. Prayers to ease our concerns sooner rather than later. We will overcome this.

To bring some light, here are some funnies:

*By the way, the main thing that I am most interested in seeing when this is all over is how everyone is going to act. How many epic parties and social gatherings do you see yourself partaking in? Send me an invite, I may show up. I have so many dresses just waiting to get out of the packaging…Online shopping didn’t fully shut down.

Below is a video message from Philadelphia's King Hype Man, Jason Kelce (NFL Eagles Center).

 
 
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Women

 
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Women's History Month is an annual declared month that highlights the contributions of women to events in history and contemporary society. It is celebrated during March in the United States, the United Kingdom, and Australia, corresponding with International Women's Day on March 8th.

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What does it mean to be a woman?

Does it mean we get the shorter end of the stick, that we eat last, that we support others before supporting ourselves, that we adhere to society's standards?

No.

Being a woman means we wield more power that what we realized. We are more needed than what some of our predecessors may have acknowledged. We are more intuitive, more intelligent, and more willing than ever before.

When we play by the rules, we're good. When we defy the odds we're better.

It's no longer the men who are dominant, women have taken the role of stepping forward and making a difference.

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At home, we manage our households and everything that’s included. In business, we keep climbing ladders and everything that’s included in that. In between those realms, we juggle our hopes, dreams, ambitions, right next to our friends, families, relationships, and inner peace. There's an abundance of expectations for women, especially when we're hard workers, dependable, and supportive. We are constantly at battle to prove that we can handle whatever life may throw at us. We deal with so many obstacles as women; some in public, some in private. That's why I can’t stand for people to say to me, "I can't deal with this." You can’t deal with what? Life? Especially, people who volunteered themselves to you in some way and now want to recant. Well, I'm sorry YOU cAn'T dEaL and I’m sorry I'm not as easy as you want me to be, actually, No, I’m not sorry about that but, I know a few places where you can pick up some easy women who don’t have a their minds full, should I send you some info? I have no patience for fair weather people whom are only around when things are good or just to feed their narcissistic needs.

You men aren't the only ones who do things around here, let's be very clear about that. Unless it's a young girl working entry level retail still finding her way in life and needs a little assistance, Women who've started laying down platforms have a lot to think about too. So save me the bullshit about you not being able to deal. I run circles around your life because I get my recommended six to eight hours of sleep so that my cognition and my consciousness stay healthy.

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People (men) who think they can just push through all the time aren’t taking care of themselves and are in denial of it. Having the discipline to wake up early at the same time everyday is a success move, but not getting enough sleep is foolish and becomes detrimental to your health which further affects everything you do. One of the books I’m reading called “Why We Sleep” by Matthew Walker PhD goes into extreme detail about why giving your body rest is important in our efforts to take on the world. When you don’t get enough rest, it affects your eating habits, your hastiness, your ability to hold constructive conversations, your patience to understanding, your memory, it can also impact mood swings and lead to depression, anxiety, or even long term neurological disorders. Your brain becomes ‘simple’ and it gets harder for you to handle complex thoughts, let alone complex situations. Ya see where I’m going here? I’m not pulling tricks out of a magic hat, there’s been extensive research on this. I wrote about getting rest last year and it is still relevant, see HERE. Why do you think women are such strong advocates of “Self-Care”? We didn’t make up this notion just to have an excuse to go to the spa and take vacations. There is a science behind it and we proactively study it. You need time for yourself? Take it. You want to just hang out with the boys? Do it. You want alone time with you and your kids? I encourage it. You can't be the best you if you don't give back to yourself. And if you are not the best You, then you're half-ass to everyone else.

With me being the type of woman that I am, I'm not for the weak, I want the best for people but, if you are not willing to help yourself, I can only take but so much until I need to save myself. My personality is strong, I don't always listen and I talk back more than I should, but I am aware of myself and agree that there are aspects of me that others find difficult to understand. I also don't ask for much and don't require much attention. I match energies, if you get bold, I get bolder. If you don't trust me, I definitely don't have much in you either. It goes to the old saying, “Treat others how you want to be treated.” Don't expect something that you are not willing to give in return. And if you have someone who is always giving without asking for much back, consider them a blessing. I've learned that asking little of someone can be asking too much of the wrong person.

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Women have always found a way. If not for themselves, then for others. We find the strength, the courage, the confidence, and the resources to shape what is needed for us to be well. Men may mock us for overthinking or being too intuitive, but many of us women like strategy and backup plans. Think of this, if women didn’t have so many options for birth control, how much effort would men really take to protect themselves? …………? …………..? When it comes to being taught about how to live and care for ourselves, girls are given different lessons from the boys. It's no secret that girls mature quicker than their counterpart, so when the older man is pursuing the younger woman, who should know better?

With many of us embarking into our own businesses or landing executive roles, we are paving the way for other women to do the same, but we hold the responsibility of setting the standards so that the next woman can achieve the same success. We can't get too comfortable. We can't give people reasons to lose confidence in what women are capable of. We also can't mix business with pleasure, that's one of the tops rules of success. And as far as dating goes, women should date across or up and never down, but dating where you work or do business....ummm, doesn't always work out for the best. Related post HERE.

As far as we have come and as much as we have accomplished, Women still have long roads ahead. Here's to us, the battles we've won, the battles we've lost, and the battles we've yet to face. Let the weak stay in the back to learn from our examples. Let the strong be our mentors and lead us up.

 
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"Some of y'all ain't never had a real b*tch and it shows..." - Jhene Aiko

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In loving memory of a supportive friend who was never anything less…

This is Not a Dating Place

Dress: JLux Label | Shoes: Calvin Klein

Dress: JLux Label | Shoes: Calvin Klein

There is all sorts of inappropriate behavior in the workplace. Many of us are immune to it because we are not offended by it although, it doesn't excuse bad behavior. Bad behavior...by policy guidelines.

I'm sure somewhere in your employment history, you've discussed religion and politics or have overheard coworkers immersed in conversation over those topics. And at happy hour, you may have gotten to chummy with someone in another department. Be very careful with what you say and do outside of the office, sometimes people will interpret the wrong message. As personable as I am, I keep my lines very defined between business and personal.

So then, what about dating in the workplace? Is it still a taboo topic? Do we not address it at all until it affects the business? More often than not, I hear of employees dating each other and it becoming a debacle. When the news gets to me, it's like an episode of Jerry Springer and I'm trying to separate two feuding children. I don't know who is right and who is wrong but, I know they can't work together or further cause disruption in the workplace.

Usually in many companies fraternizing with coworkers is frowned upon because it can lead to a shift in performance. Not to mention pursuing your employees is also a big risk and can do damage to your position. Keeping it professional is the expectation. Anytime I hear of a colleague take interest in someone at work, I voice my concerns and tell the person to be careful of their actions.

About 85% of the people I work with are married and the other 15%....No, thank you. Again, I don't mix business with pleasure and I certainly don't interfere with a marriage...for those of you who think little of someone's marriage, see my disgust on the topic HERE. (One should never be so voided of reality and morals to want the attention of someone's spouse. With all the people in the world, you want the one you can't have?) I understand people will do as they desire, but I don’t have to accept it for myself.

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We've heard stories of the high power CEO making way at the young receptionist and the brawls between two women who are seeing the same executive. Humans, I tell ya, animals.

Is it worth it? I suppose I can understand that you see these people more often than you may see your friends or family and you become well acquainted with the people you work with. You have similar interests and joke with each other to get through the day. Maybe my thinking is too strict, but unless I was married to you before we began working together, than I have no interest in a relationship with anyone I work with. And how do you date someone who works for you? It's like you are paying them to be your companion, do they get extra benefits for good performance? Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I'm being facetious. I do however agree that women should date across and up, but not down, and for the sake of my argument, we should still date outside of workplace. Ladies, if you want him that badly, find another job or have thick skin for the scrutiny you may receive.

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Now with so many dating sites that you can maneuver through right in the palm of your hands, you can sort through thousands of people in your area (Not me and don’t look for me. I signed up for one dating app for a few months in 2013, I got tired of it pretty quickly. I didn't have a bad experience, I also wasn't expecting much. I did meet some nice people, some of whom I've become friends with and still keep in touch with, others realize they weren’t getting anywhere with me and found their own exits. I'm currently not a member of any dating apps. If you see my picture, then my dear, you are being catfished. That has actually happened before. A story for another day.) You also run the chance of seeing your coworkers on these sites and other people you know from different places. A friend of mine once matched with his professor, awkward.

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But how do we separate our personal interests from our professional domains? Are some of us not able to control the chemical imbalances that urge us to act like primates? Am I the outcast here? Because I don't look for romance at my place of business? If I work with you, above you, or for you, I'm most certainly not interested in you. I feel it to be an uncomfortable notion. Although, there are people who've met at work, married one another, and....well, I don't know those endings for no one in my circle has married someone they worked with. But I'm just going to go on to say, it's a safe bet not to date people you work with.

Related articles: Business Woman to Business Wife | The Busy Woman | The Boys Club

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Getting a Divorce is NOT the Same as Being Divorced

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I follow a female social group on Instagram (@the_socialtea) They host fun-filled educational and empowerment events for women in different cities. Sometimes they encourage discussions online such as the one I am going to emphasis in this post.

"Is Dating a Married Man Who’s Going Through a Divorce Acceptable?”

As I read through the comments, it was a mix of “Yes, sometimes divorces can be prolonged.” and “No, it’s not okay, he needs time to heal…karma is real…and he is still married.” I didn’t place any judgment on any of the women, but I will admit I was a little disappointed with some of the comments. I do know of women who willingly and actively date married men, but those women are not any of my good friends.

I am on the side of NO, it is not acceptable no matter the state of a man’s marriage, he needs to close that chapter and sort out his emotions before seeking another companion or even dating. Even if you are just “talking” it’s still wrong. Don’t feel like you need to be his comfort, you are his diversion. The second you know a man is married, he is UNATTAINABLE. I do not care if you have history with this man or whatever he is telling you about his wife or their marriage (btw, a man who discusses his personal issues about his woman to other women is not honorable.) He chose to marry a woman who is NOT YOU and he should address any matters about their marriage with her, especially if they are going through a divorce. A woman who entertains a married man is THE OTHER WOMAN. Your fight in the triangle is not balanced. You have NO Legal, Financial, or Emotional Claim to him. Yes, I mention emotional because although he may be a “nice” guy but his true emotional barrings are not practical towards you. Here is an article about 5 Things to Expect When You Get Involved With a Married Man.

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Let me give you some background on me and my previous life of being someone’s wife: Still in my 20’s and after 9 years, I finally came to realize I was not in a healthy home or relationship. In the 9 years, we did have a time of separation where my partner did see other people as did I. When we decided to reconcile, everything was good for a short period but, as any toxic relationship, the same issues were still there. Instead of confiding in me, the father of my children decided to lean on other women because it was too much for him to face me and resolve issues with me, so he chose to go where the less tension was. It was a nasty time in my life, I did not like who I was and my state of mind was unrecognizable. Even though I knew I needed to let go of this man, it did not help matters knowing that other women wanted him and did not care that he was with me. For some reason they felt “entitled” to him because they had developed a type of relationship with him. And these women were very adamant with telling me everything my partner was telling them and the times they have spent with him. Well guess what, I didn’t give a damn what they were saying or that my husband was making the worst decisions for himself and our family, the fact of the matter is we were still together and these women were on the outside wanting to come in. It was a different level of anger and it wasn’t towards my husband, it was towards these women who thought they wanted my position. (Let me tell you a secret that is not so secret, all of them are not fully happy with result of their choices.)

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Here’s is a reality check for women who want attention from a married man: He chose to marry HER, not YOU. It does not matter if you knew him before he was married or met him afterwards, you are now making yourself be a second option. You want what you think is great because you see or speak to him in a limited capacity. You only see your point of view and want what you think someone else took from you or is keeping from you, but you are not seeing the toxic nature of what this man is doing to his wife and to you. And Sis, he most likely is reaching out to you because he knows you want him to and you let him. It doesn’t matter if he tells you he loves you and wants to be with you; he is still in a relationship that he needs to end before moving forth with a new one.

Yes, much of my distaste for this is due to my own real life experiences, but I have also not been the character to want, need, or crave the attention of a married man. I have married friends, some of which I am only friends with the husband or was friends with the husband first, but I never cross the line, and the biggest reason for that is I HAVE STANDARDS AND BOUNDARIES FOR MYSELF. The fck I look like going after a married man? I have great fun with my married friends and respect their unions with their chosen partners and all marriages are different from the next, but I will never be The Other Woman.

There may be scenarios of women finding love in a married man and having happiness with him at the end or hearing of women putting up with a man’s emotional dysfunctions and eventually it works out. These are your “safety nets” and not very common, but if those safety nets make you feel better about your decisions, then hang on to them. Although think of this, if you have to adjust your wants and needs to shift how a man acts or responds to you, then you have shown him that you are willing to compromise yourself for him, so what else wouldn’t you do? You already blurred the lines of your independence and if you are that woman, never say things such as, “I wouldn’t let my husband do….” Really Sis? You are already letting him affect your good judgment and if you want him badly enough, you will continue to suppress reality and compromise yourself for him. Remember the saying, “How you get him is how you lose him.” and will you be okay with him being your partner if this is the behavior his is displaying with you? How confident are you in this married man of yours?

Now if a man did not tell you he was married, that is a different type of turmoil and again, if he’s married, he’s MARRIED. Get out now and get out quickly. Therapy will help. I can emphasis that I cannot dictate what others do; it’s your life and you do as you will with it, BUT if you are my friend who is doing this, I don’t have to agree with it or continue to accept you the same way in My life. I cannot speak for another woman or of her feelings towards a man, but I do have higher expectations for women than I do of men, especially for my friends. If you know a man is married and continue to want to develop a courtship with him, that’s fine for you, but I need freedom from that energy because I cannot look at you the same anymore. There is an insecurity there that I cannot help you through.

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Ladies, there are so many ways to fulfill your life with happiness but, if you don’t have confidence in yourself, you will struggle with finding that happiness with anything or anyone. After leaving my ex, it took me a long time to find myself, recharge my core values, and be reminded that….

“I AM THAT BITCH! I’m beautiful, I’m smart, I’m funny, I don’t take myself too seriously, I can dress to the nines, I’m a damn good mother, and I’m a great friend. I’m there for you if you need me and if I can’t be there, I make it up later on. BUT, I am not going to deplete my energy for you or because of you; that is where I draw the line. It doesn’t matter if you are a lover, a friend, or a family member. I KNOW MY VALUE. I AM A TREASURE.”

My ex has tried to come back into my life a few times. We have children with together, so I cannot completely avoid him, but my communication is limited and rare. I do not play on his advances or give him any opportunity to think I am open to rekindling anything with him. I’m at peace and I’m going to remain here.

"Power Couples"

UPDATED: 03/07/2020

(Happy Valentine's Day. I feel like this day gets more pink and red each year. That's okay though, it's for us ladies anyway.) To those of you who are single, continue reading to the bottom for a message.

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In my photographer life, I've captured a good amount of couples. Those madly in love, those newly engaged, those expecting, etc. But the couples who intrigue me the most are the ones building conglomerations together and seem to be...perfect. You know the types of people I'm talking about; the man who has the strongest presence in a room even if he's being silent and the woman who seems intimidating to approach even if she's being personable. They are not just the beautiful people, they are individually interesting, confident, charismatic, and powerful in their own right. Entertainment Society has termed these people who come together as "Power Couples".

Their definition is not referring to two people working and coming home to the usual "How was your day, honey?" types of conversations. It's referring to couples who are in the public eye, whether locally in their communities or nationally on a wider plain who inspire, encourage, and support one another in their personal and professional journeys. The couples who show up for each other. The couples who show their pride in their partners. The couples who push each other to achieve full potential. The couples who have loaded agendas....this sounds like any healthy couple, right? The Power Couples are usually people who have a strong sense of business fundamentals and have a vision to keep moving up the ladder whether it's in a corporation or within their own endeavors. They have a cohesive vision to plan, invest, and excel...together.

Outside from being a Power Couple, legitimate relationships aren't hidden from people. Private, Yes. Hidden, No. A couple may not share the details of their union, but they shouldn't shy away from letting people know they are together. If you are seriously involved with someone and being treated like a stranger or less than a partner when you two are around others, then you're not in a relationship, you're in what the younger generation calls, a "situationship" and that's a completely different dynamic.

I am a firm believer that a good friendship is the foundation to a great romance. You wouldn't hide your friendship, would you? If a friendship is one sided, unbalanced, and conditional, then don't expect it to be anything better if it becomes something more. For any relationship to thrive there needs to be a healthy level of love, respect, and admiration for each other. And the best way to do this is to SHOW it in your actions. We prove by doing, not by saying.

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The forehead kiss is one of the most loving forms of affection for any type of relationship. (I've discussed this in extreme detail on my personal site a few years ago.) My young son has even started doing this sweet gesture with me. I may be exaggerating, but the forehead (or top of the head) kiss is a sign of admiration, love, and protection. To be clear, I'm not in any form of romantic affair and not entertaining the idea of anything close to one, (Yes World, there are women who keep themselves to themselves for reasons that are unique to them, respect it), so anytime I receive a forehead kiss it's from good friends, and it makes me feel that these people appreciate having me in their lives and if something is ever wrong with me, they would want to know or try to help me through it in some way. Sweet, right?

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Here's a little something personal about yours truly: I'm not always vocal about where I am until after I've been there. More often than not, I take last minute trips for myself, by myself. Some people have jokingly referred me to "Carmen Sandiego" as a result of my disappearing acts, but I always maintain contact in some shape or form. Not too long ago there was a matter where I was almost completely inaccessible...(*sometimes when you are great at doing something, it causes others to feel threatened because they weren't given the opportunities you were. Hard work doesn't go unrecognized...or unpunished.) Only a handful of people were made aware of my location and was able to reach me through other channels. Many of my friends who could not reach me became concerned and two of them moved around their busy schedules to seek me out. They knew exactly how and where to find me, which was impressive since I wasn't in any of my common places. I don't think I've ever been hugged so tightly before and given so many forehead kisses. They stayed a few days and reminded me each day how important it is to always have a way to stay touch with ALL of my loved ones no matter what was going on.

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I say all this to point out that loving someone begins before being in love. Being present for someone and supporting them is another way to show someone you love them. Even though the two friends who showed up for me were platonic friends, I want elements of their affections for me to paralleled with how my partner should care for me. And unfortunately, people can fall out of love, but at least you know what you liked when you were loved. To be this so-called Power Couple, or any type of couple, loving your partner is just as important (if not more important) as being in love with your partner; you two should at least like each other, right?...because if both of you are very busy, confident, driven, and ambitious, losing sight of each other can have an adverse effect on many of your goals. And depending on how you communicate, there may be times of a power struggle. Practice listening and compromising. Ultimatums are not always the best solution. You wouldn't go into a business meeting with equal partners and have only one thought process or strategy, would you? If not, then give your relationship the same attention. You can be powerful alone or you can be powerful together.

In a related post, I discuss dating age gaps. Interestingly enough, the age of you and your partner coupled with your phases in life can have an impact on how your relationship succeeds or suffers. Read more HERE. I also discuss the concerns of dating in the workplace HERE.

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*For the Singles: Own being single. You are not alone, you are with yourself, change the narrative of how you acknowledge being single. Be confident and comfortable with your time and space. I've notice in the last year that my standards have only been going up and there is nothing wrong with that and I don't care what critics may say, I'm not settling for anyone who doesn't match my energy and I don't care who makes more money, as long as we keep making efforts for each other. I've been building upon business in other cities/states (image shown). I am extremely focused on how I want my life to be. Even with my personal assistant "S" moving to another country to begin her career, with her help, I have been able to better organize my time and delegate my tasks, yet I'm still very busy. I'm in a "No One Is Allowed To Touch Me" phase and I take pride in being there. I know I'm too amazing of a person to not at least get 80% from someone (80/20 Rule theory) or even 70/30. In a previous post, I talk about investing in people and deciphering between good and bad investments, here's a tip: investing in someone else's marriage is a not great investment see HERE, there's about 5% of happy endings in those scenarios.To invest in others is to also invest in yourself. Take yourself out and vibe with new people. Many strangers who I've met have either became associates, friends, or just good conversations I remembered from those interactions. Sometimes we put too much expectation on making an encounter more than what it really is or needs to be. Let it flow.

Speaking of being supportive and showing it, on Super Tuesday, the Nation saw how Jill Biden is 100% for her husband. *This is NOT a political message nor does it represent my political views.*

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Jill Biden blocked protesters who interrupted her husband's speech to supporters.

Why I frickin LOVE this image:

1. Jill didn't step aside, she stepped up! She was not having it and from the look on her face she probably would have went further if others didn't come in to remove the woman from the stage. (There were 2 protesters).

2. I smirk at Joe's almost nonchalant demeanor because he probably knows his wife is not one to mess with.

3. Jill's face said, "Not today, little girl. This is MY HUSBAND'S time."

4. Jill's face also said, "Catch me outside."

Your loved ones, whether it's your partner, your family members, or your friends should be just as supportive and protective of you as Jill is with her husband. We all need a Jill in our lives. Be like Jill.

She's a Jersey Girl raised in Willow Grove, PA. 😊

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She's Too Young For You, Bro.

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Question 1: What is an appropriate age to begin dating?

Question 2: What is an appropriate age gap between two people whom are dating?

I had this conversation with a friend once and we discussed the difference between a 20 year old man and 20 year old woman verses a 40 year old man and a 40 year old woman.

The late R&B artist, Aaliyah, had a song called "Age Ain't Nothing But a Number" but not long after that song was released, we find out she allegedly had an inappropriate romance with an older man when she was just 14 years old.

Celebrities, people in entertainment, and people who make vast amounts of money sometimes break the lines of what is appropriate. I don't have to list their names, I'm sure you can think of a few. I'm no celebrity and 90% of my friends aren't celebrities, but the 10% who are well known definitely do not get seriously involved with those too young. So to us, what's abnormal IS indeed abnormal.

The age gap between two people isn't necessarily the bigger issue, it's the age of the people themselves and the place card they're at in life. At 25, what is your focus? Would it be the same as someone who is 40? That's a 15 year gap. Although, at 35, you may be on the same playing field as someone who is 50. And here’s a thought, at any age you could be working retail management with a 50k salary, good benefits, taking one nice vacation a year, and that would be enough for you. So you could be 45 and your partner 30, doing the same thing.

There are people who comment that a man who is dating someone much more younger is not fully connected with himself, matured, or disciplined enough so he wants to be with someone who keeps him feeling or looking young…while his friends and family observe and discuss their thoughts in private. I presume it may be the same for when a woman dates a much younger man….but, I’ve not reached those years yet where that could be a reality in my circle.

There is no set age of when someone is mentally and emotionally stable enough to be in a relationship, but with each new age we reach, we do become different people in the sense that we make decisions each year that shape us and we can either be better equipped to be in a relationship or need more time to ourselves. I'm not in my twenties and with technology changing the way we live, social media having more influence, and resources evolving, many young twenty year olds cannot relate to what I experienced while I was in my twenties or even my teenage years for that matter.

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My friends and I joke about the music we used to listen to, the mixtapes we used to make with radio songs, having a phone with the long spiral cord, holding hands with your crush at the skating rink, and getting excited when pagers were a hot thing. I don't see myself being serious with someone who I cannot have similar conversations with, but that's only part of it. There also needs to be similar professional and personal missions.  If all you can discuss with me is the grass being green, I will grow tired of you fairly quickly. My mind cannot work with dense conversations.

I should not void out that a woman of a certain age and accomplishments is not the same as a man of a certain age and accomplishments.  I don't ever see myself providing a life for someone who is fully capable of proving their own desired lifestyle. But, a man may be okay with that and may not have any hesitation with dating younger; it's the dating someone too young that may raise some questions.

Hey, if you're happy, what does anyone else think? Enjoy your relationship. Be proud of it. If you feel like it's wrong, then you may need to ask yourself some questions and search for your own answers.

Adieu 2019

Dress: JluxLabel | Tote: The Little Market

Dress: JluxLabel | Tote: The Little Market

What did 2019 teach you?

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Did you begin a new job, career, relationship, family…or did anything end for you this year?

Before we start, take a look HERE to review what current events happened this year. Remember anything? How did any of it effect you?

Personally, there were two and a half months that were my gut wrenching with still some residue today. I made some choices against my heart and allowed my head to take the lead…let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. Would I have been okay with choosing the latter?…Yes, of course, I would have made sure of it. But, those few assholes of months were mentally and emotionally challenging and since I am not one to point all blame towards others, it was some of my subconscious decisions that put me there…even if others are not aware of their choices, I’ve still got to take ownership for mine; self awareness.

Although, those months also opened different opportunities for me which are coasting into the new year…I see myself hosting many dinner parties. So yeah, 2019 and I had some battles but, not without a few blessings in between, and I’m still pulling my weight through.

To be fair, I am in good health, I didn’t lose any good friends, my career has not had any hiccups, my cars have all good tires, and my bank card never declined, so okay, this year wasn’t terrible. I suppose maybe nothing AMAZING happened to where I can write off this year as one to speak highly of. Don’t get me wrong, I had good moments but, the not so good moments won the gold medals.

Top: Forever21 | Skirt: Shein | Bag: MCM

Top: Forever21 | Skirt: Shein | Bag: MCM

When I speak with others, 2019 was not a best year for them either. To those of you who had a spectacular 12 months, drink a glass of sour milk! Just kidding, congratulations, you did everything right, sprinkle some pixie dust on me so I can fly through 2020. But for the rest of us, why did 2019 treat us like this? Did the planets not align correctly with the stars? Did I pick up the wrong crystals? Because I didn’t burn sage throughout my house? Because I missed moisturizing my face with rosehip oil each night? I curse too much? What is it?

Some people I know took some major loses this year, personally and financially and others didn’t go through any change at all; like my one friend who keeps going in circles with his relationship knowing his ladylove won’t change but, hoping one day she may. He just keeps trying and holding on even though they break up every 2-3 months…I don’t know why some of you men are so intelligent but yet, so fckn stupid at times. And my friend is a very successful, highly attractive, well-spoken, no baggage, dresses nicely, good teeth, and comes from a good family. Yet, I’ve seen him go through at least 2 failed relationships over the years while working on this third one (the first one, he messed up and admits to it but, his pride won’t let him go back. The second one, she was too young; in her twenties and still focusing on her studies. My dear friend is in his late thirties, not a large gap in age but mentally, they are at different stages in life. Although, I do like the second girlfriend the best and there is a good chance she may come back around after she’s lived a little more, but he has to be rid of his current situation first.) I just want to pluck that man’s forehead sometimes.…and WOMEN are supposed to be the confused ones??? I have another friend who counts the time that has passed since she last spoken with her…whatever he was. Listen folks, if you come to me with your relationship concerns, I’m first holding You accountable for your behaviors before I consider assessing your partner’s behaviors. Don’t waste your coins calling me if you don’t want to discuss your bad habits.

…I’m not perfect and when people ask me why I’m single, I’m going to start responding with this: “Coaches don’t play, now do they?”

 
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It’s almost like 2019 was a dud for some of us. It was present just to be present which forced us to do or not do, ya know what I mean? Yet, we cannot have made this trip around the calendar without taking something from it, right?

Hmmm….

Let’s mention the basics, we cannot dictate what happens to us or around us but, we can control how we react to what occurs and what we do not change, we are accepting. Do you know why great comedians are great? They learned to laugh at their pain. They learned to take what tried to break them down and turn it into humor to help offset the disappointment. Some claim it to be a form of therapy. I’m not a comedian, but I do try to make light of dark matters. I…we, have to, otherwise we continue to be burdened and tormented by the heartache. Who wants to keep doing that? I hate feeling sad and I hate for others to see me in that state as well, I rather laugh at my own expense than not to laugh at all.

Honestly, 2019 taught me what I already knew and known, I just needed a hard reminder and a choke hold of reality.

Okay, so what if you didn’t face any turmoil this year and you also didn’t have a great year, what happened? Did you just…exist? If so, is that what you are planning to do in 2020? We are starting a whole new decade. How do you want the next 10 years to be? What can you do differently? Short term goals vs. Long terms goals, yup they are still a thing. I write mine down and make adjustments when necessary. Don’t change the goal, change the path that takes you there.

Look at your life/future in three different categories: Money, Love, and Career/Business. Are you making enough to live the life you want? Be realistic. Is your relationship fulfilling and going in a direction you feel is conducive? Or if your are single, does being in a relationship even make sense for you right now? And are you happy professionally? We have to take a hard look at ourselves and reflect. Don’t expect others to make the changes you want to see happen.

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One major thing I did differently this year, I created a finance/expense/net-worth spreadsheet….Ouu chile, lemme tell you! The biggest trips I took this year was to Neiman Marcus, Saks 5th Ave, and Happy Hours. When I saw the number of what I spent this year, I was ashamed! My broker told me at the least, I need to stop buying out VIP Sections…Ummmm, sure okay. Look, as hard as I work, I play even harder, so keep up…but I agree, I do have to clam down a bit. (Friends and Colleagues, if you love me, don’t leave me unattended with my card or cash. Thank you in advance. )

Even if you have a financial adviser, it is still a good idea for YOU to review your finances often. I created my spreadsheet from scratch with knowing how to create certain tables, charts, and formulas. If you are not familiar with excel, here is a Net Worth Calculator tool that will give you an idea of your financial stability. Another tool I use frequently is a Money Management App that I have downloaded on my phone. It’s called “Expense Manager” by Bishinews (image shown above). You can set up the app where reoccurring expenses and income is automatically recorded, or you can do it manually each time you spend or make money. The app takes the data and creates charts and spreadsheets separating your expenses by category (if you set it up that way). This tool is wonderful at showing me what I am spending each day, week, and month. Lastly, Credit Karma is very helpful. I’ve been using CK for years. It gives you updates on your credit score and will notify you with changes in your credit report. I also have a credit monitoring through my bank, Hey, money may not always make you happy, but it certainly buys things that can.

Dress: JLuxLabel

Dress: JLuxLabel

P.S. - Drink plenty of water and Louis Vuitton is now open in Market Street in The Woodlands, TX.


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Sharing Finances

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I have a personal rule: “Don’t talk finances in casual conversations.” This means that I do not discuss what is in my bank, how much I make, or the fine details of my investments. The only time I feel it proper to have this type of dialogue is with a broker, a business partner, and/or a spouse. I have learned that when people start to know how much you have or how much you spend, they begin to categorize you by that dollar amount. I recently caught up with a childhood friend and we were discussing our fields of work. He proceeded to ask me what my income amount was and my response to him was, “I do well.” I know my friend had no ill intentions with asking me that question and although he shared details of his wife’s and his own income, for me Finances are Personal; I make it one of the very private sectors of my life. If I am ever struggling with money, I am going to confide in someone I trust and who I know can help me, like an accountant who can analyze my expenses, tell me where I need to stop spending and how much I need to save. And if I purchase something that is deemed “expensive” it’s because I made certain choices that allowed me to treat myself or my family.

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We do live in a flashy society and people tend to value you by the things you have and further think about what you can do for them. I will admit, I am guilty of this; when I hear of someone talking about investments or wanting to build a business, I become intrigued and think about how this person and I can benefit one another. (Okay, maybe this isn’t so bad if I’m considering the advantages for both sides. I like business and I like profit sharing.) Unfortunately, there are people who only look for their own benefits….which is the main reason why I don’t like to talk about money with just anyone. Right now, no one but the government knows how much I rake in each year, not even my dear father.

Although, if I find myself in a relationship, I have to think about how my finances may affect his, how his may affect mine, and how both of ours can work or not work. You do not want to be involved in someone else’s frivolous debt or bad decision making with money because then you end up paying for it all if you plan to keep the relationship…but if you do not mind doing that, by all means go right ahead, who am I to tell you what to do with your money?

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I wouldn’t say to talk about our credit reports on the first date but, at least after 6 months to a year we still cannot be so wrapped up in the beauty of romance that we forget about the overall “bill”. Once we identify that we want to grow together, we’ve got to talk about our financial stability. Is only one of us paying? Are we splitting anything? Are we co-signing? Is what’s yours, yours and what’s mine, mine? What types of debt do you have, if any? Credit cards? Student loans? What’s our FICO scores? If we cannot talk about money, then we cannot have a real future together, so let me Venmo, Cash App, or PayPal you my half of this love affair and I’ll go my own way. Let’s not linger because we got comfortable.

Not only are finances personal, but it can also be a sensitive topic. If your partner squirms anytime you mention dollars, that might be a sign of concern. Address the issues before they become bigger problems. Fellas it’s one thing if you want to gift your sweetheart with a nice surprise but, if she is asking you to buy her a pricey handbag, do you think about if she can afford it on her own? Does that matter to you? Or does it make you feel chivalrous to present your lady with flowers? (But we ain’t talking about flowers here.) Yet again, who am I to tell you what to do with your money? *Stay-at-home moms and wives, you are excluded from this topic, continue to love your husbands.

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[According to a recent survey of 191 CDFA professionals from across North America, the three leading causes of divorce are "basic incompatibility" (43%), "infidelity" (28%), and "money issues" (22%).] Here is another article that talks about the top reasons for divorce and yes, Money makes one of the major reasons. Personally, I do not like conflict, it causes anxiety, but I will speak my piece when necessary. I like to think I am reasonable; I am an advocate of making your best attempts to be good to people even if they may not be so good to you, but that's all perception. If I do have conflicts, it is usually due to a misunderstanding of some sort and we all know that misunderstandings come from lack of communication. It all connects, folks.  Don't just assume I "understand" if we have never discussed all the details. Sometimes what is unsaid can become misleading.

Read through some other articles that give insight and tips on when to talk about money when dating. You don't want to talk about it too early but, don't ever avoid having the money talk.

  1. When should you talk about finances in a relationship?

  2. 4 Ways To Talk About Money When You're Dating

  3. We Should Be Talking About Money With Our Partners — Here’s Where To Start

  4. When to talk about money in a relationship

  5. 5 Important Money Talks Every Couple Should Have

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Working as a Single Parent to Make it all WORK...

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Before I begin, let me clarify a few things. Although I am classified as a 'Single Mother', I get a lot of support from my Father. I never had/have to worry about the basics: where my children and I would sleep, what we would eat, and how I could maintain a career. (My Daddy Dearest is the best.) When I travel, my Father fully attends to his grandchildren, heck even when I'm home my kids sometimes rather be around their PopPop. Thanks kids, Mommy really feels great about that. Although, I still face other struggles of being the one parent they call on. Their teachers still refer me to by my previous last name and I supposed in their defense, my maiden name is a bit more difficult (Laephuang = Lay-pwong). I don't even flinch anymore when I hear it because I've made peace with my past and calling me by my previous name doesn't make the top 10 of my list of issues being a single parent.

When it comes to business it can be tricky with how much information you give about your home life. In time you will learn about you work with but, there will still be some boundaries that we dare not cross, I'm not one who overshares. With networking, identifying myself as a mother is something I shy away from because it's usually followed with a round of questioning..."You have kids?" "How many?" "You were married?" "Where is the father?" "Is he involved?". I feel that there is still this unspoken notion of thinking women are "incapable in business" because they have children, the irony. There are a few business colleagues who have no idea I have children. Although, I don't mind and I understand people are naturally curious, but sometimes I like to keep my personal life private which is why some people have misconceptions of me.

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In 2015 a report released by the US Census Bureau claims that there are approximately 13.7 million single parents in the United States, and despite assumptions that women want to raise children on their own, studies say that majority of single parent homes began with committed relationships and never anticipated to be single parents. Some of us are left with raising children alone without much say and some of us rather raise children by ourselves than go through the frustration of arranging meetings and agreements with the other side...some of you men are just....ugh. Interestingly, there has been a rise of single fathers over the years. A colleague of mine has full custody of his son and the mother is barely in the picture and to my understanding, she doesn't want to be. It's almost taboo to hear of that but, Yeah, there are some women who ain't worth a nickle either. For many of us, it's not our first choice to be a single parent. Why would we want to choose to raise a whole human alone with little to no support from the other parent and on one income? Those of us who go against the odds and prevail are really ones to honor. In 2018, there were about 16.4 million children living with a single mother in the United States, and about 3.25 million children living with a single father. These number seem to just be increasing. Yup, we are all statistics.

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Because my Single Mother Status is a bit pampered does not mean I do not face certain obstacles as other Single Parents out there. I still have to be fully involved in their academics, open house, parent-teacher conferences, after school activities, tie shoes, taking off the training wheels, driving, knowing who their friends are, making sure they have hearty meals, doctor's appointments, health insurance, birthday celebrations, hand out chores, give allowance, plan vacations, getting them involved in things outside of school, the list goes on. There is no one standing on the front line with me ready to take a run at these responsibilities. Not to mention, I've not yet reach the phase of puberty with my son, and the stories I've heard...Lord, help me. The term "stankass" that I use towards my son I feel like I am going to continue to use it until he's out of my house. And of course when they get sick at school or if there is some other problem, I am the one who is expected to come to the rescue.

Hell yeah, It would be appreciated for someone to take on these battles with me, but that is not my focus at the moment and I've conditioned my life to cater to what I created. I keep my Father away from most of my parental responsibilities because he's already raised his kids and I now have to raise mine own. There are moments where I have to tell him to stay in his lane when I am correcting his grandchildren, he doesn't like it, but I'm their Momma. I am also learning that because I have a boy and a girl, they need to be taught different lessons. I do prepare my son's plate before I prepare my daughter's and at times she will make her little brother a meal when he asks. My son has learned to hold the doors for his sister and I, randomly kiss our foreheads, and compliment us, among other chivalrous behaviors. One day my sister was pulling up, it was raining, my son grabbed an umbrella, ran to her car, opened her door and held the umbrella over her head, he's 9 years old. There are some gender traditions I want my kids to practice and by the way, cooking and cleaning is a survival skill NOT a gender role. (Here is a funny article about Single Moms vs. Single Dads.) Yes, I may have to schedule time away from work, cancel meetings, push emails to later, and consider how much energy a project will drain me and if it will interfere with any plans I have with my little people. This means that my schedule at home is mostly full.

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I am not one of those 'PTA Moms' who micromanages her kids and has to be involved in EVERYTHING they do, mainly because I don't have the time or energy...go ahead and fight me on it 'Helicopter Moms', I don't need your rude banter on what "Good Parents" are supposed to do. I once told my son, "I love you kid, but you get on my f*ckin' nerves sometimes." to which he responded, "I know...and don't say bad words to me." As much as I am involved, I also give my kids space, I let them do stupid things, I let them watch scary movies, stay up late on school nights, and they can yell at me when I do wrong. My children and I have an understanding of each other. Instead of one parent and two children, we behave like 3 people living together and learning what works and doesn't work for us. Just like how any other relationship may operate. My kids have gotten used to me being in and out for different reasons. When I am out, they check on me and once they confirm I'm okay, they leave me alone. I am still their Parent but, I allow them to speak openly with me and talk about various topics. Yes, at times I also allow my kids to curse whether out of frustration or just being silly (they don't drop f-bombs, it's the less vulgar words I allow them to use) and they tease me as much as I tease them; we have fun in my family.

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*Forewarning to any future stepchildren I may have, your father is not going to like how much you rather want to hang out with me than him. (Whispers:...and if your father and I don't work out, you kids are still welcome at my house and I'll still fix you some food, I'll even make up your bed if you want to stay over, we'll tell your dad about it in the morning.) We don't fault children for our adult indiscretions; we find a way to make it better for them.

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I appreciate employers who understand the need to be present for our kids. Do you know how difficult it is to get a check up, dentist appointment, and an eye appointment scheduled on the same day? And let's not mention if you have to run by the pharmacy to fill a prescription. It's even more difficult to manage time with children under 5 years of age. And bless the women who find themselves pregnant and single. How you got in that situation is not as important as what you plan to do next. There may be some decisions you are not proud of or maybe you didn't handle something with the best judgment; just face what you have to overcome to be okay and trust me, I KNOW, that shit ain't easy. You feel like you're alone, you get these judgmental looks when you go to your appointments by yourself while other expectant moms are sitting next to their doting partners and when the doctor asks about the father, you pause with discontent, then you also notice people looking down at your bare ring finger, Yeah there's one finger I want to show you and it's definitely NOT my ring finger. It's unfortunate that some of us go through this, but guess what My Love, You've got this. Let the other parent figure out their own lives while you continue to maneuver through yours. The key word here is ACCEPTANCE. Accepting what you've decided to do and accepting what the other parent is not deciding to do. Never make the children be in the middle of your tug-of-war and don't ever speak ill of the other half.

On top of all that, you still have to keep an income to care for your family. Maintaining a comfortable lifestyle on one income takes a lot of budgeting, re-budgeting, investing, saving, transferring money, and putting into an emergency account. It also takes a lot of time to invest in developing your professional/business skills to make the salary you need to have the life you want. Whew. I am one parent working as two, the head of my household, I had to be strategic and obtain more than one revenue stream to afford the lifestyle the kids and I like. So any men out there who want to fuss with me about how I spend my free time, what I do with my money, or challenge my ambitions, Take your clown ass to the exit, I never sent for you anyway. Fellas, I don't know how it is on your end as single parents, but if you face the same scrutiny as some of us women do and still have faith in humanity, You are a strong soul my friend, cheers.

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Side Note: Did you know at one point in history, there was an issue for women to claim 'Head of Household' even if she made more money or had more valued assets than her husband? -- English jurist William Blackstone put it in his Commentaries on English Law (1765–1769): By marriage, the husband and wife are one person in the law: that is, the very being or legal existence of the woman is suspended during the marriage, or at least is incorporated and consolidated into that of the husband: under whose wing, protection, and cover, she performs every thing. -- It was presumed that once you are married, the husband manages the household. Oh, okay, come fix your own plate and iron your own shirts then...I make your house a home. There were even inheritance laws that left out the daughters.

Ladies, as much as things still need to progress, you have to admit, we've come a long way so far. Remember that one time when all races of men could vote before any of us could? Oh and remember when it was okay for them to hit us if they did it with an open hand?

...Let me get back on track before I go into a wild tangent of how women were treated decades ago...and still today.

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Back to us Singles...It's okay Parents. Breathe. And then Breathe again.

There are many family-friendly companies to work for but, don't abuse their graces or benefits, you still have to do the work. I've been lucky enough to work with a company and a handful of other businesses who give me flexibility to be a Mom. If you find an organization in your field of experience, GREAT. If not, it can be overwhelming to switch gears. I fell into the career I have now, my designation was in psychology. (My father hates it when I read/psychoanalyze him, so I think he secretly appreciated me changing directions; What is it with some of you men and counseling?) I had to learn everything new and with that, it has allowed me to expand professionally and personally. Life is amusing like that, whoever is running the show up there has really been throwing me some obstacles making me question so much about who I am, who I think I am, who I want to be, how I want for others to view me, and how I want to be thought of or remembered...Here I stand, however you know me, however you view, the Universe planned it that way. A dear friend of mine believes it has much to do with the zodiac signs...I do not fully believe in astrology but, I do take her words in small increments.

Here is an article that may help those who are facing challenges with work and kids. Look, no matter what age you are or what age your kids are, at any point you may find yourself standing between a rock and a hard place wondering whether to go left or right and which way is best for you and your family. We can't not work and we can't not be there for our family. When kids are involved, there is no simple answer and depending on what type parent you are verses the type of business goals you have...May the force be with you and say no to drugs.

 

*Above Video from 2017.