Equal or Special

Let’s talk about this whole equality thing for a moment. I am all for women’s empowerment and rights BUT, I do draw the line with certain topics and I am still aware that the male and female sexes don’t always travel on the same frequencies. Refer back to my previous mention of the female brain HERE.

See the text image as an example…Pink felt violated while using a gender neutral bathroom where Blue stated the misunderstanding of what Equality is and Yellow concurs with Blue…as do I.

Even when “Equal Pay” is discussed, we have to understand market segments in different regions on top of work titles, responsibilities, and cost of living. If the argument is a man and a woman are working for the same company, they have the same position with the same credentials, YES their pay should be equal. But, if you are arguing that a woman working for a private company in Texas with less that 2,000 employees vs. a man working in Alabama for a global company with over 5,000 employees with just a salary, not commission based for either, then the argument is lacking relativity.

But pay is a sensitive topic for most, so let’s move on form that. Do I prefer a women’s only bathroom? Yes. Am I okay with shared bathrooms? Yes, if it is a single stall and sink where there can only be one person at a time. Will I use a gender neutral bathroom? No, but if it is my only option then I may consider it. This isn’t just about bathrooms though, this is about how we as women want to be treated. If I am in a professional setting and having a conversation with men, don’t assume I don’t know about business practices or think that I can only relate to female topics like beauty and retail. Now on the other side of things, if I am in a social setting, I still like for doors to be opened for me. I still like for men to be gentleman and be respectful towards women.

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Here is a more personal example in thinking about Equal vs Special: Ladies, say you are seeing a guy, it’s casual you’re still getting to know each other, you hang out, you may be intimate but, overall you enjoy each other. So here is the question: Even though you two are not a couple, would you be okay if he was casually seeing other women too? My guess would be No for many women because you want to be the “Special” one. I get it. There is this stigma that when a man is playing the field he can still be desired but, if a woman has several suitors she cannot fully be trusted…and I agree BUT, I don’t find it attractive for men to be available to every and any woman. Nor do I think women she be that way either. Just my opinion, I know everyone makes their own decisions with their lives. — If you are single, do what you want but as for me, I like to have discipline and standards (because shit, I know my worth). And if I am seeing a guy who chooses to “do what he wants” then okay, I will remove myself from the scenario, because again, I do not find that attractive nor do I want to feel like I have to compete with other women. If he doesn’t know my value regardless of what title we have, then that is his lack of awareness, not mine. Plus, if someone else has the same access as me to a man, then he can choose to spend any of his availability with that person…if you are speaking to someone the same way you speak to me, if you are talking about the same things, and if you are embracing or hugging someone the same way you do to me, then again, go over there. I don’t want to be anyone's option, I’m worth someone’s reason. So if a man so chooses to give the same effort to someone else, I'm good.

Men and women are not fundamentally or socially equal, let’s be honest about that. Although, does that mean one sex should receive more benefits over the other sex? In my perspective, the equality is more about acknowledging that women are more than capable of just baring children and keeping a house clean. Give women the credit of being outspoken, contributing to society and businesses, obtaining their own success, and being able to lead similar lives to men. If I really think about it, I probably more prefer to be treated special than equal, and just be mindful of how fair you are to me as a woman.

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The Boys Club

Business is still very much a male dominated entity.  This article goes further into similar thoughts mentioned in a previous article, Business Gender. Even though the workforce is almost half female.  In 2017, statistics reveal that 47% of women make up the workforce in the United States, and only 39.8% are in management roles.  With some companies, the higher the ladder, the fewer the women, which may be why in the past 20 years, there has been an 114% increase of women entrepreneurs.  More than 11.4 million businesses in the US are women owned creating at least 9 million jobs across the nation.

But, why do some women go the route of opening their own business?

Several reasons:

• They feel undervalued

• They are overlooked for promotions

• They are being overworked and underpaid

• They want to be more involved with business operational functions (other than being a receptionist, a data clerk, or an administrative assistant)

• They want to be part of major decisions

• They are tired of their concerns being “swept” under the rug

Although, let’s dig in about why women may feel this way.

Men have developed a camaraderie with other men, a “Boys Club” so to speak.  This is nothing new, even the first President of the Unites States was a Mason.  Men were always granted a level of power just for having a…well, you know the emoji I’m referring to, while a woman was to feed him and prepare his clothes.  Women are held to a degree of being catering but, not held to a degree of being business savvy.   It was the idea that women were not intelligent enough to think outside of the home, so why would a man place her in a position of responsibility that involved making major decisions of a company’s growth and wealth?  And dare not let a woman earn more than him, egos would be damaged and we must protect the ego of a man. (Refer to Dorothy’s mood).

It is no surprise men feel more comfort around their own, women do as well, it is nature; birds of a feather flock together. (Although, some men think women’s groups are cute and a way for women to be entertained with shoes and mimosas during brunch...Sir, sit all the way down.)  We are all aware of organizations and memberships just for men….Fraternities, yet not all groups classify themselves as such.  There is an automatic subconscious bond that reassures men to other men, “I’ll look out for you.” Remember The Little Rascals movie?  The “He Man Woman Haters Club” is what the boys called it.  They held meetings and discussed pranks they played on girls. The leader, Spanky, felt girls were a nuisance and did not want any of his members to be involved with one.  Let’s translate this….

Is there an unspoken thought that women are the downfall of a man’s progress? Maybe the wrong woman, but that’s just my 2 cents. YES, some of you men make some horrible decisions, aht, women do too, I'm not waging a war here. Do men feel that women are a hindrance? Are women a distraction in business? Do women decrease productivity? Do women negatively effect the goals of a business?

That all depends on how you utilize a woman and how you involve her.

Considering the growth of the #MeToo Movement, I can empathize why men now want to exclude women from their business circles especially men who mean no harm and want no trouble. Let's be honest, much of you successful men have a lot to lose if you are accused of mistreatment and I don't deny that woman can be vicious, some of us are disgracefully vindictive. I apologize and I have no excuse for this.   But, let’s also be clear, some of you men are pigs, and the #MeToo Movement is necessary to highlight and stop true abuse.  Yes unfortunately, there are still men who deem women as leisure objects; pretty things to look at and do away with when done. Granted, there are women who do not know their own value and allow this type of man to treat them in a disgraceful manner.  Although, let us not dismiss a limited breed of men who place women on a high pedestal where we are treated as precious treasures to be respected and protected. We appreciate these men for continuing to be delicate to our psyches and understanding that woman are far more than arm pieces but, Chivalry is topic for a non business related discussion and there are many layers to why these noble men behave the way they do.

In a different perspective, there is the concern some men may have when working with women.  When men and women work closely together a slight personal relationship can develop, sharing weekend stories, comparing parenting notes, exchanging relationship advice, etc.  It is possible for a man to think to himself, “Am I too getting too close?” “What if she takes offense to something I meant innocently?” “What if she is misinterpreting our work relationship?”   With these types of concern, Men and Women have to create boundaries within the workplace, especially the married. You don’t want your husband or wife to pop up at your office and drag your co-worker or employee out to the parking. Although, I am a firm believer of “a woman knows who she marries”..but that’s another topic for a non-business related discussion. You can act on your animal instincts if you want to but, getting too personal can become problematic in the workplace…or anywhere else for that matter.

Yes, I can understand why Men support each other, especially in business, we Women support our own as well, hence the #MeToo Movement and mass amounts of women owned businesses.  BUT, are there some cases where men support other men simply because they are men?  And not because of performance, trustworthiness, confidence, and achievement of expectations?  You may not agree to this thought but, I am going to spell it out anyway....

There. IS. a. double. standard. in. business.

If a woman is firm with her orders and directs a man to complete a project, she is considered cold, harsh and well, let's just say it, a bitch. Yet, if the orders were coming form a man with the same temperament, the reaction would play out differently. If the goal is to get the work done, why hesitate and become sensitive when a woman gives the directive as opposed to when a man giving it? Let me tell you why...it all goes back to our natural views, the views that are embedded into us as children and throughout our growth in society...and that is, men and women travel in separate lanes. The speed limits are different, the road signs are different, our detours are different. I hope you are following this analogy, if not, I'll make it more simple. Men and women are not equal in the sense that we are both engineered differently. Whether you are religious or just have a traditional way of thinking, women are the soft and pink beings while men are the strong and dominate ones, so to have a woman be in a position of authority subconsciously alerts us to react differently. Be mindful on how you react though, you can behave in an insubordinate manner and think, How dare She tell me what to do. Or you can understand that a task needs to be done and the expectation is set for everyone to adhere to. Another disturbing reality is that there are also women who do not want to work with other women or see them in elevated positions. Yup, sad.

If you think I'm speaking of things I know nothing about, consider this experiment I did. I applied to several different employers using 2 different resumes. The ONLY difference between the resumes were the names. The first resume was my initial name, "Raya Laephuang" while the second resume read, "Ray Laephuang". All other information on the resume was the exact same. I'll let you take a guess at which resumes received the most call backs.

This is business and by all means, keep your Boys Club, just don't act like women are incompetent and can't help you attain goals.

Times Up #MeToo

I've been reading about the Times Up movement and all the statements and articles that have been publicized.  I do agree that men should know their limits with women, I also believe they should not abuse their authority to obtain anything they want from women.

BUT....

There are still so many women who play on the fantasies with men.  The Times Up Movement is not for woman who just had a bad date or no longer interested in the a man she once allowed to knock her off in the men's bathroom at a nightclub.

No, the Movement is for those who did not have a voice when they were being violated by men of a certain stature.

Yet, I do want to mention that society plays a part in today's sexual influence; advertising food, cars, and events with half naked women.  Everything we see is highly sexualized...I mean, have you seen some of these middle-schoolers today?!  Does this excuse a man to act as he wants?  Fck no. But women need to know where to draw the line as well. 

Yes, I expect to get some backlash about this because there are flaws on both sides of the spectrum.

I've always preached that women need to hold themselves to a high degree of intelligence, professionalism, and discipline.  We CAN get what we want without laying down.  But if you want to be a hoe, go ahead and let you freak flag fly, sweetheart.  Just remember, there are consequences to your behavior.

If you decided to use your body to get ahead, how do you expect men to view you?  If you continue to allow a man to mistreat you or demand certain activities from you, why would he think that you feel wronged?  Even if the actions are morally or ethically wrong, if it is allowed to continue, what value do you have for yourself? When do you say, “Enough, I am not going to let him do this to me anymore!”?  As I read some of the stories, I wondered about their self-esteem, about their lifestyle choices, and the people around them who turned an eye.

This is not to bash women, I understand a woman being scared, feeling like no one will believe her, thinking nothing will change, or hoping that agreeing to certain advances will grant her other opportunities.  I do believe that some of these women who came forward did not have a voice at the time.  Sometimes when a woman is wronged, her basic knowledge of relationships or interactions with men is compromised; she shuts down and will not discuss anything until she feels it necessary.

But understand this...

WE WOMEN ARE A LOT MORE POWERFUL THAN SOME WANT US TO BELIEVE.

And when we band together....You betta pray your name isn't on the list.

There was a story about a medical professional abusing young gymnasts is BEYOND disgusting.  My opinions on men like that are extremely vexed.  This type of abuse of power is demeaning to our human understanding of medical professionals and their responsibility to keep us healthy.

When you use your authority to wield towards your benefit, NO, that is not justifiable.