February Summary

“I love it when a man breathes me in when he hugs me.”

Did you all survive February? 🫠 I am finally feeling better. If you remember a few weeks ago I caught some kind of stomach bug and it had me down and out. Now I’ve got to catch up with myself, get a mani/pedi, freshen my hair, and put on some decent clothes and step out for a little. I know some of you noticed the pending topics that’s been sitting for a while, I promise I’ll get through them soon. When I start a new topic, sometimes I don’t have enough content for it so I'll leave it in draft mode and come back to it later to add more info. Bare with me a little longer.

The Effort Series

I’m going to get back to this…eventually.

And I see some of you are still asking about the two men I mentioned recently. As I said in my response in the previous post, I am keeping everything as is. With the younger man, he is on the track to do great things and I don’t want to derail him. I will continue to be his friend and encourage and support him as much as I can. He has so much he wants to accomplish and I want to see him reach all his goals. And to be very honest, if I were to rank him against other men I know (older men) he’s probably up there with most of them if not above some of them and that’s to take away from the guys in my life. It’s mainly because of his behavior, his self awareness, and what he talks about. He doesn’t talk about superficial things like going out, or hanging out, or buying sections or luxury things, he more talks about investments, residual income, equity and things like that. His mindset is that same as where I was when I was his age, but with me, my progress took a little longer due to having children. He doesn’t have kids, which I why I last said he stands to make more money than me in the next few years if he keeps on this focus. He’s a really good guy and he’s very conscious of himself which explains how he treats people with generosity and respect, but he’s not soft, don’t get it confused, he’s very masculine and firm, he’s just very aware of himself. Listen, we may not always make the right moves, we’ll slip every now and then, but I think highly of people who acknowledge their pitfalls and make strides to be better.

Now with the other man I mentioned, he is older and he has already accomplished some big goals in his life and ever since I met him, I have been very supportive of his endeavors. I do think sometimes he gets in a crossroads with himself as far as his choices and wanting to be who he believes himself to be or how others believe him to be. Hey, he’s a grown man, and it’s not my place to identify other people’s demons, with what I’ve been through and where I am in life, I wish everyone serenity with their decisions.

Anyways, other things we covered this month are zodiac sign compatibilities, you guys giving me pointers on my own love life, keeping our relationships private vs. keeping them secret, and making sure we are choosing the right partners for the right reasons and if we’re just having fun, then make it clear, otherwise emotions can get too far involved and then you’ll have to deal with something you didn’t intend to. Aye, all is far in Love & War, but damn, let’s try to limit how much we are battling.


Gentle Reader

I’ve been tied up with personal and professional obligations that I am not publishing content as much as I like so when you guys give me topic ideas or submit your own writing, I am appreciative and obliged to share.

I received this poem in my private messages that you can send in the Contact Me link. There was no explanation to who it was about or who it is for, only a request to share it and open up the comments for feedback. Considering the site has over 4 million views, it is a useful platform for others aside from myself. I toiled over the comments requests for a while because those of you who have been reading the last few months have been aware of how the comments sections has gotten out of control. So, I am allowing comments to be made…with extreme hesitation.

Please be courteous of what you say and mindful of what others are saying and only comment on the content of this post. *Comments will be subject to approval so when someone makes a comment it will be pending until it is approved for publishing, so you may not see your comment posted right away.

The message was titled as “Gentle Reader”:

I look at her
Crossing the street
Like in a New York movie scene
She's dressed like she left a fashion meeting
She's on her phone
Smiling
Maybe with her boyfriend
Or a bestfriend
The way she smiles is soft
And makes the day brighter
She walks passed me
I failed to make eye contact with her
She's still on her phone
I can't approach her
Even to say hi
I just admire her from where I stand
Maybe if I see her again
I'll get the courage to give her a compliment
She must get them all the time
How could I stand out
Make an impression with her
Have her remember me
Like I remember her

- Unknown Reader

This is a moving piece of art and all of you will interpreted in your own way. To me this seems like a man (I’m assuming) who is admiring a woman from a distance. You know how someone catches your eyes and you kind of gaze and linger on them for a period of time? I think this is was it is. It seems like he wants to speak to her and there is a sense that he either has seen her before or already knows her in some type of way, but for whatever reason he is not approaching her. It reminds me of what I wrote recently about people caring about you from afar until they are ready to be in your presence again. I like this piece, it’s sweet.

The Men We Choose

Friendly reminder that this site is for entertainment purposes only. It’s to invoke intrinsic thought and hopefully encourage people to look at different perspectives.

This post has been in my draft folder since last year (I have a few I still have yet to go through), I cannot remember why I started writing it or what I was going through at the time, but the topic has become relevant again….

Set from JLuxLabel (P.S.. - This is what I mean when I say I’m about to make everyone uncomfortable...him, her, every body.)

Okay ladies, let’s lay it all out. Some of our men problems are because of the types of men we choose or are attracted to. A man is going to act and behave in a way that benefits him, even if it hurts or affects other people. Any of you remember the Donnell Jones song, Where I Want To Be? It’s about a man exploring other potential before deciding/realizing the woman for him was the woman who has always been there from him even when he wasn’t available. Love is a battle field to say the least. There were definitely casualties of war while I was with my children’s father and when I was with the athlete…it was ugly. But looking back, I wanted them for different reasons, silly reasons, superficial reasons, unrealistic reasons. I guess at some point we have to be cognizant of how we are choosing our partners. Yes, the men chase us, but we chose if it is them or not and sometimes it’s…not.

No one is perfect and we make mistakes. Mistakes are the stepping stones in life; What? You think you walk on water and have never done anything wrong to anyone? I have no problem defending someone’s mistakes if I feel they genuinely want to be a better person. Hell, I defended my ex’s mistakes for years until I finally woke up and realized he wasn’t changing…sometimes being the ride or die type of woman will damage you mentally before it effects you physically. There is nothing wrong with standing by a man, just make sure he’s standing by you too.

I guess I believe in more than just second chances. My problem may be that I am too flexible with men. I’m not sure why. — Maybe it is because I was raised by my father (only) and witnessed how much pressure men take on. Internally, men are not any stronger than us, but they are expected to be…maybe that’s why I give them a little more time and grace. So is it that we choose the wrong men or is it that we are more agreeable and understanding than they are? Or are there such things as “the wrong man”?

I guess if we take away the romantic aspect, we are left with who the man is entirely. Just like if a man were to not look at us with any sexual interest, who are we as a woman? In our raw core, are we good people? Are we good to people OR are we good to those who are only good to us? Are we quid pro quo or are we only like that to those we sleep or slept with? So maybe the topic should be not just the men we choose, but also the women that men choose. Why do men choose us? We are emotional, jealous, irrational, overbearing, talk too much, overthink nonstop and…..yeah, I’ll say it…crazy. — Hey fellas, WE can call each other crazy, but you can’t call us crazy, got it🤨? Which leads me to decide that I don’t honestly feel I can ask a man to agree to a special arrangement (see last post for reference: Self-Care, Peace and The V Care). I’m sorry, I cannot bring myself to do it. It’s like being a place card for each other but neither of us are each other’s plus-ones. I may just need to think more on it.

My friend told me if I blink the wrong way this top will show everything. Lol. This is one of those outfits you wear for girls’ night or for someone special.

If I am going to hang out with a guy friend, that’s it, we’ll just be hanging out. I can’t be casual with my intimacy, — I’m either all about you (us) or I’m only about me. If I’m the one making more compromises, that’s not right, don’t have me folding when you don’t even have a good hand (poker reference). I’m a catering person, I like making sure the people around me are taken care of, so if I am sleeping with someone, I not only want to cater to him but I also want assurance that the sentiments are mutual…I don’t want to see you hugging on someone if I was just wrapped around you the other night, because then how am I to know if you’re getting involved with someone else if your eating up the attention right in front of me? — I don’t entertain involved men. There are still such things as STDs😒.

Nah, I’m not choosing any man right now. If he’s confident and strong enough, he’ll need to chose me and present me with something I’m willing to accept, otherwise I can only offer funny conversations and very…. 👀 intriguing outfits😁. I dare a man to approach me with a special arrangement and don’t come with me with any bs. I guess it may have something to do with my inner need for someone to lead and take control. I make so many decisions throughout the day that it would be great for a man to lay out what we are going to do and not make me feel like I’m requiring too much or make me feel insignificant to his life. And with all my current guy friends, I don’t want to change anything with them, they are great the way things are. So I’m not choosing any damn man, he’s going to have to chose me and we are going to go through ALL of each other’s growing pains together. 🥴


When Is It Actually Considered Dating?

Okay, so before you move in with your partner (reference here), Ladies and Gentleman, help me out here…

At what point when you are hanging out with someone do you identify it as “dating”?

So I am very much a “guys girl” meaning I can hang with the fellas and fit right in, but there is a difference in aura and body language when you are just enjoying time with a friend verses spending valuable time with a lover. (If you are new here, I use the term “Lover” a lot to describe a romantic interest. — I’m too old for boyfriends, you either want something serious with me or you don’t, let’s be on the same page about this, because we’ve got other things we could be doing.) When I’m out with friends, we may engage in conversation and I may buy us a few round of drinks, but it’s innocent and casual. With a Lover, there is more physical contact and closeness not just on his end, but also on my end. — If you don’t see me reciprocate his touch or return the affection, it’s because I’m not that into him, I’m not interested, we’re not together, or…drum rolls please…he is NOT my Lover; be observant.

Back to my question: When is the status of a relationship determined? Am I too old school in expecting the man to ask me…or tell meI want you to be my lady. (and are you all too young to know the song, You’re my Lady by D’Angelo?)

Location: Houston Graffiti Building // Dress: JLuxLabel

Location: Houston Graffiti Building // Dress: JLuxLabel

If I’m going places with a Lover and we are just doing the basic things like getting food, asking about each other’s day, or making time to see one another…are we dating? Or are we just hanging out and that I shouldn’t think anything more of it because he could just be “hanging out” with several other women. Lissen…I have several guy friends who entertain multiple women, I don’t judge and I’m all for going with the flow, but I also like to know that my presence and time is significant to someone. I don’t know…this dating shit is for the birds. I hate it, that’s why I’ve been avoiding it for so long and I feel like at my age, the dating pool definitely has pee in it with all the men either too set in their ways, not wanting to commit, or just have no clue what they want (I’m at an age where these matters are more pronounced). Aye, I’m pretty reasonable, practical, and I know I have my flaws, but I also don’t want to be toyed with. I don’t have the fckn energy to deal with the bullshit. You’re either riding with me or you’re not and if we hit a pothole, let’s check for damages and continue on. — “Oh you and her used to smash? Are there still romantic feelings involved? No? Okay, let’s get something to eat.” It’s the same mood if a woman were to approach me and say, “I used to fck with him.” — Okay…what do you want me to do with that information, get mad? There’s over 7 billion people in this world, S-E-V-E-N / B-I-L-L-I-O-N, and I don’t keep myself stuck in a small box, so I’m going to stop knowing my value because of 1 person??? Been there, done that.

Look, I cannot and will not control what a man does. It is on him with what he chooses to do when I am not around. I believe this: If he wants me in his life then he will not make decisions or put himself in a position to lose me.

Also a few things to consider when you are getting to know a person:

  • Do you have the same values? If not, can you be open to their point of views?

  • Do you have good intentions for one another?

  • Is your connection with each other genuine and natural (not forced)?

  • Are you or the other person healed from the past? If not, can either of you deal with the other’s pain?

  • Are you inspired or encouraged to be better by the person?


What is the difference between “I like you” and “I love you”?

When you like a flower, you just pluck it. When you love a flower, you water it daily. One who understands this, understands life.


 
look-at-me-youre-my-girl-now.jpg
Screenshot_20200827-220115_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20200831-193136_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20200916-064208_Instagram.jpg