The Men We Choose

Friendly reminder that this site is for entertainment purposes only. It’s to invoke intrinsic thought and hopefully encourage people to look at different perspectives.

This post has been in my draft folder since last year (I have a few I still have yet to go through), I cannot remember why I started writing it or what I was going through at the time, but the topic has become relevant again….

Set from JLuxLabel (P.S.. - This is what I mean when I say I’m about to make everyone uncomfortable...him, her, every body.)

Okay ladies, let’s lay it all out. Some of our men problems are because of the types of men we choose or are attracted to. A man is going to act and behave in a way that benefits him, even if it hurts or affects other people. Any of you remember the Donnell Jones song, Where I Want To Be? It’s about a man exploring other potential before deciding/realizing the woman for him was the woman who has always been there from him even when he wasn’t available. Love is a battle field to say the least. There were definitely casualties of war while I was with my children’s father and when I was with the athlete…it was ugly. But looking back, I wanted them for different reasons, silly reasons, superficial reasons, unrealistic reasons. I guess at some point we have to be cognizant of how we are choosing our partners. Yes, the men chase us, but we chose if it is them or not and sometimes it’s…not.

No one is perfect and we make mistakes. Mistakes are the stepping stones in life; What? You think you walk on water and have never done anything wrong to anyone? I have no problem defending someone’s mistakes if I feel they genuinely want to be a better person. Hell, I defended my ex’s mistakes for years until I finally woke up and realized he wasn’t changing…sometimes being the ride or die type of woman will damage you mentally before it effects you physically. There is nothing wrong with standing by a man, just make sure he’s standing by you too.

I guess I believe in more than just second chances. My problem may be that I am too flexible with men. I’m not sure why. — Maybe it is because I was raised by my father (only) and witnessed how much pressure men take on. Internally, men are not any stronger than us, but they are expected to be…maybe that’s why I give them a little more time and grace. So is it that we choose the wrong men or is it that we are more agreeable and understanding than they are? Or are there such things as “the wrong man”?

I guess if we take away the romantic aspect, we are left with who the man is entirely. Just like if a man were to not look at us with any sexual interest, who are we as a woman? In our raw core, are we good people? Are we good to people OR are we good to those who are only good to us? Are we quid pro quo or are we only like that to those we sleep or slept with? So maybe the topic should be not just the men we choose, but also the women that men choose. Why do men choose us? We are emotional, jealous, irrational, overbearing, talk too much, overthink nonstop and…..yeah, I’ll say it…crazy. — Hey fellas, WE can call each other crazy, but you can’t call us crazy, got it🤨? Which leads me to decide that I don’t honestly feel I can ask a man to agree to a special arrangement (see last post for reference: Self-Care, Peace and The V Care). I’m sorry, I cannot bring myself to do it. It’s like being a place card for each other but neither of us are each other’s plus-ones. I may just need to think more on it.

My friend told me if I blink the wrong way this top will show everything. Lol. This is one of those outfits you wear for girls’ night or for someone special.

If I am going to hang out with a guy friend, that’s it, we’ll just be hanging out. I can’t be casual with my intimacy, — I’m either all about you (us) or I’m only about me. If I’m the one making more compromises, that’s not right, don’t have me folding when you don’t even have a good hand (poker reference). I’m a catering person, I like making sure the people around me are taken care of, so if I am sleeping with someone, I not only want to cater to him but I also want assurance that the sentiments are mutual…I don’t want to see you hugging on someone if I was just wrapped around you the other night, because then how am I to know if you’re getting involved with someone else if your eating up the attention right in front of me? — I don’t entertain involved men. There are still such things as STDs😒.

Nah, I’m not choosing any man right now. If he’s confident and strong enough, he’ll need to chose me and present me with something I’m willing to accept, otherwise I can only offer funny conversations and very…. 👀 intriguing outfits😁. I dare a man to approach me with a special arrangement and don’t come with me with any bs. I guess it may have something to do with my inner need for someone to lead and take control. I make so many decisions throughout the day that it would be great for a man to lay out what we are going to do and not make me feel like I’m requiring too much or make me feel insignificant to his life. And with all my current guy friends, I don’t want to change anything with them, they are great the way things are. So I’m not choosing any damn man, he’s going to have to chose me and we are going to go through ALL of each other’s growing pains together. 🥴

---

Another One

Let’s try this again…differently.

Video Summary:

One of my friends helped me not feel so awkward recording myself. The funny thing is, I'm fine recoding my voice only, but when my face is on camera, I get nervous. So my friend was in a chat on my laptop and picked your questions at random for me to answer while my phone was recoding. It helped that it didn't seem like I was talking to myself.

1. What is your type of guy?

   • Everyone has a type, if you don’t then you don’t have standards. You have to narrow down what you like otherwise you’re open to just anyone. My men have usually been talk, good grooming, nice teeth, and athletic build. I love a dapper man. As for character, I like him to be funny, fun to be around, I can be myself with him, not judgmental, and shows that he cares about me. 🤗 *Not mentioned in the video - I like when a man remembers or notices things about me that I don't even remember or notice. I like a man who pays attention. 😌

2. Would you like a sugar daddy?

   • WHAT???!!! Who would ask this? 😂 NO THANK YOU!

3. You have nice titties. (This is NOT a question. 😐 😑)

   • Thank you to whoever said that. I almost died for these. 😟

4. Would you ever mess with a married man?

   • ABSOLUTLEY NOT. I have married friends and I respect their marriage. I also have friends that have special arrangements outside of their marriage and they way they do it still respects their spouses, so I do not pass judgment on them. I ended a long term friendship with someone who was in love with a married man, he was not married when they met, but the guy ended up marrying someone else and still kept talking to my exfriend. What really ended the friendship for me was how she was talking about the wife. You NEVER talk down on the spouse no matter what you are being told. And a man who is talking about his wife to another woman is garbage. You never know what is going on in a person’s marriage and there’s always another side to the story. Plus, I truly believe a woman knows who she marries, so the other woman thinking that she’s going to reveal any “surprises” to the wife isn’t doing anyone justice. If you are going to mess with a married man, have your fun and go, but don’t think you are replacing anyone in his life. 🤡 And might I add, even with people who are not married and are in another form of relationship, still a man who discusses his issues with a woman in a foul way is pure despicable. A relationship between two people, no matter the arrangements, still requires a veil of respect. A man who bad mouths a woman to other people, is a man who is unaware of himself.

5. What is your skincare routine?

   • Nada. I don’t do anything special with my skin. I use a store bought cleanser and rosehip oil on my face at night. I also use satin pillow sheets which is good for your skin and hair. I still get blemishes and blackheads that I like to pick at (I know, it’s nasty). I even like to pick at other people’s blackheads. 🤓

6. What is your favorite flavor hookah?

   • Which one of my friends asked this question? 😃 Because I feel like whoever asked this has hung out with me before. I like pairing mint with other flavors. I feel that mint makes the hookah taste more potent.

7. What do you consider a perfect date?

   • A good date involves food and is during the day. If the date is going good then you can make plans for later. If the date is going bad then you can say you are busy later on. I like old silly traditions like bringing a girl flowers on the first date. *Not mentioned in the video - I don’t like movie dates unless you two have been together for some time already, but for the first few dates, I want to talk and get to know someone. 👩‍❤️‍👨

8. What outfit do you suggest for a girls night?

   • Whether it is a girls night or a date night or just a night out, wear things that compliment you and highlight your best feature. I’m a legs girl so I’m usually showing thighs when I can. I also like some mystery, so if I am showing legs then I’m covering up in other places, but if you want to show it all, then go for it, whatever you feel great in. 💃

9. What is you drink of choice?

   • Tito’s and lemonade or if I’m at my favorite bar, then Tea Time. 🥃

10. What is your favorite sex position?

    • I was not comfortable answering this question. I like to look at you and gaze. I’m sensual and value that kind of intimacy. Other things can happen, but at some point I want our eyes to connect. 💦

---

Men In Style

(Comments enabled until 6pm CT second day of publication.)

DISCLAIMER: I’ll keep saying that this site is not for men, but if men choose to be here, come at your own discretion because this point of view is surely bias and if I could guess, I’d say only 10%-15% of my readers are of the male race. I do appreciate it! Anyway, here is some exciting news, in the last 3 months my site reached over 4.3 millions views! WHAT??!!! I’ll have to hire an SEO specialists to break down what all this means because I have no clue how my site is searched or found. There is an analytics tab in the admin view, but I don’t ever touch those settings. All I know to do is write, add pictures, include links that earn me commission, and make my site look presentable.

Speaking of presentable….

The styles I like on men have definitely evolved over the years. When I was in my late teens, early 20s I liked the flash mixed with a little ruggedness. Think DMX and Roc-a-Fella circa 1998. I grew up in during the hype of the underground mixtape era in the northeast, and that’s what the main 80s/90s fashion looked like - white wifebeaters or white tees, jean jackets, baggy jeans, and Timberland boots. In the winter, we wore the marshmallow coats or Starter jackets. I don’t know what the style was around that time in the south (since I leave here now) but, this was the look for us in my area.

The change in my taste parallels with the elevation I have in my own life. I am no longer a retail associate working at the mall or an entry-level customer service representative making less than 55k a year hoping for something different to happen. I am around people/men who are in higher levels of business or who are more grounded in their every day interests and who don’t sit around waiting for things to happen, they make it happen. One of my good guy friends is learning how to make and sell pipes, and he’s getting pretty good at it. Another guy friend is starting a logistics company. I’m around men who talk about stocks, real estate, business start-ups, politics, social issues, and travel which are all also my current interests. I’m still down for a crazy night on the town and foolish activities, but it’s just not as often or only on special occasions. My different girlfriend groups all have their own sense of style for men. Some like the all rugged look and others like the clean suites and ties. I am somewhere in the middle. — Be comfortable, be casual, be natural, but also be decent.

Nowadays, I like men who like to dress business casual or similar to Harvard professors - dark denim, collar shirt, and may be a good sport coat/blazer. And it’s something about a man in a turtleneck or a thin cashmere sweater 👀😍. I notice details too, the watch he wears, the shoes, the socks, and any jewelry. I don’t fare well with ripped jeans, tight pants, and no socks with dress shoes. Nor do I admire bright colors or loud patterns. I shop at places like J. Crew, Banana Republic, and Ralph Lauren for my everyday clothes, so I like men in that style range. (My outfit today is straight from the Ralph Lauren catalog. I buy men’s sweaters because I' like the fit better. It’s the same with sweatpants, I pull from the men’s section.) And I LOVE A LONG WOOL/PEA COAT! Although. I’ll still turn my neck for a fresh Timberland boot and dark wash jeans, it’s still a signature style for the northeast, it just has to fit the man right.

Toxic Envy Boutique: Search “Dreya” Dress

Here’s my breakdown of looks I think are so appealing on men:

Spring/Summer

• Light color slacks or Dark denim

• Plain fitted t-shirt or light button up collar shirt

• Casual sneakers or boat shoes

• Blazer or sport coat

• Baseball cap, paperboy hat or fedora

Fall/Winter

• Plain sweater, turtleneck, or button up shirt

• Dark denim or dark slacks

• Casual sneakers or boots

• Long wool coat with a scarf

• Fedora

I don’t know when I started doing it, but I look at the clothes before I look at the man. I think it is because I am very meticulous with how I step out that I scan what men consider being presentable. In middle school I went through a Tommy Hilfiger phase, 75% of my closet was T.H. and it helped that my aunt worked for the man. One of my guy friends in Georgia is always asking me to come out and help him to shopping for a new wardrobe. I think I told you guys in a previous post that this website used to give style tips, I don’t do that anymore but, I do share my fashion looks from time to time. Image is important to me, so is making a good impression. Yes, I can get distracted by what a man wears. I’m naturally observant and I’ll notice if he wears certain colors or types of garments often. I like a man who takes pride in his appearance, who doesn't just throw anything on before he leaves the house. I like a man who takes care of himself internally and externally.

---