Men In Style

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DISCLAIMER: I’ll keep saying that this site is not for men, but if men choose to be here, come at your own discretion because this point of view is surely bias and if I could guess, I’d say only 10%-15% of my readers are of the male race. I do appreciate it! Anyway, here is some exciting news, in the last 3 months my site reached over 4.3 millions views! WHAT??!!! I’ll have to hire an SEO specialists to break down what all this means because I have no clue how my site is searched or found. There is an analytics tab in the admin view, but I don’t ever touch those settings. All I know to do is write, add pictures, include links that earn me commission, and make my site look presentable.

Speaking of presentable….

The styles I like on men have definitely evolved over the years. When I was in my late teens, early 20s I liked the flash mixed with a little ruggedness. Think DMX and Roc-a-Fella circa 1998. I grew up in during the hype of the underground mixtape era in the northeast, and that’s what the main 80s/90s fashion looked like - white wifebeaters or white tees, jean jackets, baggy jeans, and Timberland boots. In the winter, we wore the marshmallow coats or Starter jackets. I don’t know what the style was around that time in the south (since I leave here now) but, this was the look for us in my area.

The change in my taste parallels with the elevation I have in my own life. I am no longer a retail associate working at the mall or an entry-level customer service representative making less than 55k a year hoping for something different to happen. I am around people/men who are in higher levels of business or who are more grounded in their every day interests and who don’t sit around waiting for things to happen, they make it happen. One of my good guy friends is learning how to make and sell pipes, and he’s getting pretty good at it. Another guy friend is starting a logistics company. I’m around men who talk about stocks, real estate, business start-ups, politics, social issues, and travel which are all also my current interests. I’m still down for a crazy night on the town and foolish activities, but it’s just not as often or only on special occasions. My different girlfriend groups all have their own sense of style for men. Some like the all rugged look and others like the clean suites and ties. I am somewhere in the middle. — Be comfortable, be casual, be natural, but also be decent.

Nowadays, I like men who like to dress business casual or similar to Harvard professors - dark denim, collar shirt, and may be a good sport coat/blazer. And it’s something about a man in a turtleneck or a thin cashmere sweater 👀😍. I notice details too, the watch he wears, the shoes, the socks, and any jewelry. I don’t fare well with ripped jeans, tight pants, and no socks with dress shoes. Nor do I admire bright colors or loud patterns. I shop at places like J. Crew, Banana Republic, and Ralph Lauren for my everyday clothes, so I like men in that style range. (My outfit today is straight from the Ralph Lauren catalog. I buy men’s sweaters because I' like the fit better. It’s the same with sweatpants, I pull from the men’s section.) And I LOVE A LONG WOOL/PEA COAT! Although. I’ll still turn my neck for a fresh Timberland boot and dark wash jeans, it’s still a signature style for the northeast, it just has to fit the man right.

Toxic Envy Boutique: Search “Dreya” Dress

Here’s my breakdown of looks I think are so appealing on men:

Spring/Summer

  • Light color slacks or Dark denim

  • Plain fitted t-shirt or light button up collar shirt

  • Casual sneakers or boat shoes

  • Blazer or sport coat

  • Baseball cap, paperboy hat or fedora

Fall/Winter

  • Plain sweater, turtleneck, or button up shirt

  • Dark denim or dark slacks

  • Casual sneakers or boots

  • Long wool coat with a scarf

  • Fedora

I don’t know when I started doing it, but I look at the clothes before I look at the man. I think it is because I am very meticulous with how I step out that I scan what men consider being presentable. In middle school I went through a Tommy Hilfiger phase, 75% of my closet was T.H. and it helped that my aunt worked for the man. One of my guy friends in Georgia is always asking me to come out and help him to shopping for a new wardrobe. I think I told you guys in a previous post that this website used to give style tips, I don’t do that anymore but, I do share my fashion looks from time to time. Image is important to me, so is making a good impression. Yes, I can get distracted by what a man wears. I’m naturally observant and I’ll notice if he wears certain colors or types of garments often. I like a man who takes pride in his appearance, who doesn't just throw anything on before he leaves the house. I like a man who takes care of himself internally and externally.


 
 

Great Expectations

A man likes a fun girl but, he loves a classy woman. Well, at least the men I am attracted to.
Here is a summary of what I said in an archived post in March 2015:

One of the many things I've learned in "Womanhood" is: What a man expects from you is derived from how he perceives you.  It is not just your image but, also your behavior that plays a part in how a man treats you.  How you present yourself to him is who he expects you to be. 

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In my post, Grooming, I talk about being a good woman that anyone can be proud to know, especially a man who you want close to you...not to say that everything we do should be based on a man's likes or dislikes but, if you are a woman who wants a relationship, a marriage, you have to be the type of woman that your type of man wants to marry because again...they are the ones who propose marriage.  

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Going back to my opening statement, the men I admire appreciate women of class.  Look, I have my no-so-classy ways but, for the most part, I maintain a good level of sophistication.  As far as image, I'll wear a high slit dress, a backless dress, or a tight dress but, I'll make sure the most of me is covered and if I decide to wear anything suggestive, it's because I feel comfortable and safe with the person I am wearing it for...You can read between those lines. 😉

I place women on a high pedestal because I know we are the better of the two sexes...this is not up for debate.  We are highly intelligent creatures but yes, sadly not all of us utilize our powers for the better.   To achieve our greatness, we have to groom ourselves to fit the lifestyle we have or want.  Having expectations for others can be unrealistic but, having great expectations for ourselves is something we can attain.  The only way a man or anyone can take my greatness from me is if I ALLOW IT.  And if someone is taking that value from me then I have question my self-esteem, to grant a person the opportunity to strip me of my worth.

Ladies, I expect you to be amazing because you were born to be just that.


Grooming

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We groom ourselves for certain triumphs.  Study hard in high school for good grades to be accepted to the best colleges.  Practice our interview skills to land the best job.  Improve our craft to move up the ladder.  It's no different to being a single person wanting a certain type of relationship. 

People are not designed and engineered to be "made" for you.  We cannot expect a box from Santa with the perfect partner inside. (Dear Santa, I need a man over 6', who dresses well, does what he says he's going to do, a good protector, loves me with his whole heart, and makes me smothered pork chops when I'm having a bad day.)  Reality: We cannot expect for someone to automatically know how to respond to us.  What we can do is set guidelines for ourselves.

Be a woman any man can be proud of, whether associate, friend, colleague, or partner.

The other day, I admitted to a man that I was a bit ashamed of the some of the choices I made when I first met him.  I explained that as a woman, I placed expectations of myself to NOT be a particular type of woman.  He differed with my words and stated I had no reason to be ashamed which, I can emphasis that a man's perspective will be different from my own and I don't expect anyone to always see my point of view.

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As a woman, a single woman, a mother, a single mother, I personally feel I need to behave in a certain manner.  I need to make decisions that will not negatively impact my life or those who depend on me.  When it comes to men, I need to be extremely careful with how I behave because I do not want to be thought of as a woman who should not be taken seriously or a woman who can easily be broken.

I can honestly say, No man I've met in the last few years has placed me in the category of  a woman he can degrade or demoralize.  Yay me...but, if a man decides to talk to me cray, all hell will break loose!

It's not just grooming myself for a great husband, it's more so grooming myself to be a good, respectable woman with or without a husband. 


Expectations of a Woman

Women, please understand that WE are the pinnacle of life.  Throughout history, women were place on a pedestal, men fought each other for our attention and love....

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Now, what the hell has happened to us?

We parade ourselves like cheap ornaments and chase after well-to-do men who may or may not be married, and get easily sensitive when we don't feel good enough.

**Even, I'm not void of snapping a few "thirst trap" pictures here and there.

YOU WERE BORN GOOD ENOUGH!

It may not seem obvious in my posts but, I am a very reserved and conservative woman.

I believe a woman should take pride in her deliverance to the world and not showcase herself in a way that may cause doubt...then again, any way we behave will incite critics from all angles.

I won't throw myself at a man simply because he buys me a drink or give me a compliments.  To be honest, I get a little uncomfortable when a man offers to buy me a drink...What is his motive? What does he want in return? How often does he do this? What are his intentions?...I admit that it is not great to think this way but, this is what the social scene has become for singles...or people who portray being single...<< Yall ain't shit and some of you are my friends but, you still ain't shit.

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Almost every time I go to a happy hour or just swing through one of my favorite bars, there is a man or two willing to buy me endless drinks and overload me with compliments.  It is endearing and sweet BUT, where is this going?  Especially, since I did not come out to find a lover.  So, I listen and add to the conversation but, I keep it very casual, although, at least I think I do.  I don't just bat my eyes and ask for another drink or how much is in his 401K.  No, I ask how his day was, give praises to his accomplishments, inquire how he made his way to this bar, and wish him safe travels home.  This has become my basic dialogue with men.  Some of them try to derail me and talk about continuing the night, No sir, it was nice to meet you, have a good night.

Remember, men will be men among men...mainly foolish and stupid.  I'm sorry fellas, I love you guys but, we know the truth. It is our right as women to know better, behave better, deliver better, expect better, and just BE BETTER.

Now when starting a new relationship...

I do not believe a woman should make compromises early on when meeting a man.  Once you make the first life adjustment for him, he'll expect you to continue to make more adjustments catering to him without him doing much in return. No, no, no...if we are going to be serious with one another then my changes will need to equal your changes; whatever change we feel is necessary and conducive to our relationship.

I also do not believe a woman should share her relationship details with everyone.  It ain't official if it's not on Facebook! << You can keep that feeble thinking away from me.  I've seen so many people on my timeline share just a little too much about their personal life and then all of a sudden, the relationship disappears.   It is great to be proud of who you are with and it is also great to share your happiness with a few pictures or comments here and there but, keep in mind, many people disguise their negativity with empty praise. 

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Keep your personal business to a minimum.  We don't need to know why you're arguing, or why you are upset because you let him use your car and now he hasn't come home in two days, or that he does not contribute to any of your bills but, he's always in your house.  << YES, for some reason women still treat grown men like their sons, taking care of them, catering to their needs and getting little appreciation in return.  My son has no idea how pampered he is.  While dropping him off a school the other morning, he demanded I go to McDonald's and get him food before I pick him up at the end of the day.  He also requested I put his tablet in my bag and not to touch it.

You want to be a good woman, GREAT, you want o show him you can maintain a relationship, manage a home, and conduct business, AWESOME but, be a good woman to a DESERVING MAN.  Otherwise, just be his friend with set limitations of your willingness and support; add on as he adds on...value.

Many times you can prove to a man that you are a good woman without doing the most for him.  My intentions for my future husband will not be much different from my intentions for my friends, and that is to support, uplift, motivate, and love them...of course, my husband's benefits will be on a different level...but still, it is the same basic formula.