Clinging

We do tend to hold on to the memories, thoughts, feelings, and gestures of a person or relationship even though, these things may not be good for our aura. We hold on because we want for something to change or to have that same happy moment again but, unfortunately we cannot control the change in others, only ourselves. 😔

Have you ever stayed in a relationship longer than you should have?  Why?

Because the person you once loved with all their flaws has now become the person you can't stand?

You must learn to let go.....and Let Live.

Yes, people do change but, that doesn't mean they grow. And people mostly change for benefit of themselves not necessarily for others.  😒...but this notion should not always be frowned upon.

I made changes over the years that help me to progress and succeed as an individual.  Some of my changes have made me "seem" heartless but, really, I'm just more enthusiastic and focused on my future.

In a different aspect, people may change to better find ways to "manipulate" others.  Finding better ways to hide secrets or learning other outlets to get only their needs met...selfishness. 

Just because you spent a lot of time "investing" in someone, doesn't mean it is a good investment.  Sometimes you have to count your losses and allow better means to be presented in your life.

Different Languages

What did Tevin Campbell say? "Can we talk for a minute?"

Let's face it, men and women speak different languages, whether it is family, friends, or lovers.  A man may not receive what I say how I delivered it to mean and I cannot assume he will automatically know the intent of my words.  Yet, what I can be aware of is the person of whom I am speaking with.  Depending on your audience, you may have to adjust your speech, the words you use, the tone you use them in, your expressions, your body language, all of that, so there is no misunderstanding but, again....different languages.

So, what if the conversation is through text and someone misinterpreted the meaning of your message?  Again, know your audience, although, in the same sense, your audience should know you as well.  Either way, depending on the connection you have with said person, you may need to decipher whether or not it is worth explaining your meaning or intent.  If the one who misunderstood, lashed out before any clarity, then I suggest accessing the reality of this person in true form and not even invest anymore thought in communicating at all.  Why continue to look at your dirty hands when you can just wash them clean?  Buuuut...it's not my business how you communicate or how frequently you communicate with silly people.  Carrying on...

I have realized that some men tend to forget they are speaking with a woman and say things that just make NO SENSE AT ALL! (Okay, I know I have male readers, I am not a man, so my perspective is purely of a woman and my experiences with your kind.  Sorry but, not really.) And I find myself giving a sideways look or reaction as if to say, "Did this just happen?  Am I slow?  Did I miss something?  Is he speaking to me like that?  Is he serious?"...Then my mind wanders elsewhere..."I wonder if my dry cleaning is done.  Did I pay my car note yet?  What did my boss want me to do tomorrow?"

Here is my disclaimer: I am going to be very frank to any man who is reading this and any man I come across, I don't do the dramatics especially if you are a MAN.  Yes, at times I am overzealous, facetious, and nonchalant, not for reasons of being a woman but, for reasons of where I am at in my life right now.  And YES, I can be dramatic if I want to, why? BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN, it is in my nature and in my contract with God to be an emotional mess when necessary or unnecessary.  Unfair?  Oh well, write a book or pray about it.  And I know for damn sure I am not quiet about my opinions on love and romance at this point in my juncture; ask any man who has had a conversation with me about it.  So if you have an issue, state it.  Whether you feel I am being cold, insensitive, selfish, spoiled, stubborn, whatever, tell me but, please collect your thoughts before hand and make sure your monologue is something I will be receptive to....if I do not respond, WAIT.  DO NOT begin to assume anything of what I may be thinking.  I guarantee you cannot fathom how my thought process works.

If a good amount of time goes by and I do not respond, then contact me again, because if you were not aware, let me educate you, I work, I have two children, I maintain a website, I read, I study, I have friends, I socialize, I live my life accordingly and there is a possible chance that I did not have time to answer you.  Yet, if I consider you a genuine friend, someone I can see a steady connection with, then I do make a point to set time aside to respond (Note: This list of men who I consider in this manner is very small...more like one person whom has been very patient with me, accepts who and where I am in my life at this moment, so yes, this one man does get very thoughtful and thorough words from me and has been just as consistent with his communication towards me.  I do have other guy friends I catch up with from time to time but, they are in a different category from this particular man).

Also make note, I will prolong my response to you if you were in anyway demeaning, aggressive, or shown me a completely unappealing side of you, in which case I may never respond.  So speak to me in the language that YOU feel is correct as a man and I will speak to you in the language that I feel is correct as a woman.  If there is misunderstanding, address it and be patient, or let it all the way go.  I use myself as the reference since I cannot speak for all women but, the many I know concur with these thoughts. 

Adding to the topic of interpretation....

What say you of this? Initially when I read it, I did not understand the meaning but, the statement is left open for you to distinguish your own meaning.

My view of it is both men are behind masks so anyone's face could be under that mask.  Batman represents heroism, doing good for others, making the right decisions, and everything we are taught as children to do or be mindful of.  The Joker on the other hand, represents everything else.  I do not necessarily see him as the face of evil but, more so the face of reality......the reality that the world is not as perfect once we walk pass our mailboxes.  The reality that the world contains so much more chaos then we would like it to have and not everyone is a hero at all times.....not even Batman.  And while you are letting that sink in, let me add another thought for your cerebrum....Batman is always so serious even as Bruce Wayne, just very stern, while Joker is always smiling even when being defeated....and they both seem to have an equal amount of weight on their shoulders.  Yup, let that marinate.

Speaking of marinate...
I was elected to cook this weekend....yup, while I was away from home but, my friend was away from home as well, so no, I did not mind at all especially since the request was pork chops!  Que in Lionel Richie...Hello...

Chemistry

I'm not sure who said this and people are claiming it was rapper, Nas, but it was not him. Although, he's ill enough that people would believe he said it (yeah, I think Nasir Jones is Dope.) If you think about the long standing relationships you know of, what are the key factors that keeps him with her or her with him? All the women who you see post 'body' pictures of themselves with suggestive captions, are they 'single'? I emphasis single because any gorgeous woman can be involved but not fully committed to the foundation of a relationship. Yet, let me not make my words seem definitive since every union is different and I am not speaking on behalf of every woman or relationship dynamic but, for the most part I've noticed many of the 'eye candy' have been in just as much relationship turmoil as those who aren't 'eye candy'.  A beautiful and curvy woman can be just as single as a plain Jane. 

Personality is a source to the heart.  Whether it be romance or platonic, the characteristics that define your personality is what people grasp and create memories with.

Physically, we like what we like (I am attracted to tall men who hit the gym at least twice a week, with a great smile, and clean shaven face) but, what we see isn't always enough to make us stay or keep us intrigued.  

Ladies, have you ever been asked, "You're so pretty, why are you single?"

Well. The simple answer from me is, "I'm not ready." Which thoroughly translates to, I am not in a place in my life where I can commit to someone's emotions other than my own and my children. This is not to say I will not enjoy someone's company. I will definitely carve space out of my life to learn someone who may have caught my interest but, I will not change my mind about being single overnight.

What's worth the significance is worth the time.

Until a woman is ready to step off her own pedestal and allow him to place her on his, she will continue to present herself as 'available for the taking.' That does not mean she will take every number or go home with every man she deems worthy, it just simply implies that she keeps her options open.

Testing Him

I am not positive if these are truly his words but, let's not focus on that:

It is very endearing for a man to show he is interested in a woman and shows that he wants her in his life. Yes, we like for men to earn us, to fight for us, to stand by us, to understand us, to comfort us, to admire us, and to love us.  I like flowers, I like "You're beautiful" text messages, to be held, to be tended to, to be introduced to his colleagues, to be looked at with sincerity....I LOVE ALL OF THAT!  But, I will not have that, if I keep pushing away because he may eventually stop pulling. (Please note that there is no man in particular I am speaking of, it's just a generalization.)  A man is still human and has his limits just like we have ours.

Those of us who have been through chaos will not be so willing to let a man have all of us but, we have to slowly allow our walls to break down to let love back in.  If a man has sincere interest, he will help you break down the wall but, don't allow one brick to crumble just to lay another brick behind it.  No, we don't always like to be vulnerable but sometimes being vulnerable gives opportunities for someone to make us smile.  We can't always turn the cold shoulder on those who want us. 

There's no need to always test him.  If he gives you his time, loyalty, and respect, why question his interest?....you already have it.  Trust me, I am as inquiring as they come and I "Why?" everything.  I notice myself doing it less because that crazy earnest feeling to know every detail is digressing slowly from my persona; I am learning to accept and not doubt the good in a man.  Yes, certain experiences from my last relationship has me cautious and hesitant but, I am not going to allow those bad memories deter me from making great memories with someone amazing. 

Don't let a good one go just because you can't let go of past hurt. Grow to #LOVE