Let’s take a moment and think about how we treat people. I usually try to be pleasant with people. I have gotten better at toning down my discontentment when people intentionally do things to hurt me or spite me. One of my good friends told me that we should always be fair but firm. Meaning, we should be fair in our decisions towards people and be firm on those decisions. Of course there will be times where we give people more grace than others, but we still need to be aware that we are not intentionally causing damage to others.
Now when we are talking about relationships, that can be tricky because love is a mischievous emotion that can influence us to act in ways we wouldn’t normally act. I will never say that any of my previous relationships damaged me, at the least I’ll say they were learning experiences…even when I was taken for granted or treated like I was not a great person. Even at my lowest, and I’m not being conceited, I still remained amazing. And I hate to use this term, but do you know how to point out a true hater?
Someone who will always find a way or an excuse not to support you or applaud you, even when others around them praise you and stand by you, that’s a hater. Even if that person smiles at you or speaks nicely to you, but when they are not around you and your name comes up, they always have something to dispute when others are saying positive things about you. That is a sneaky hater and they are the worst kinds of people. They won’t speak to you about what their issue is with you, but they will try to convince other people not to think highly of you. Ladies and gentlemen, please don’t be this type of person. Again, treat people fair. If someone is not directly hurting you, why hurt them? Because then what does that say about yourself?
We have to be in control of our feelings and not be controlled by them. When our feelings control us, we don’t always make reasonable decisions and we don’t always treat people in a good way. Let’s talk about alpha and betas. An Alpha is someone who takes charge, someone whose words are powerful and everyone will listen to. An Alpha leads by example. A BETA is mostly the opposite of the ALPHA. A Beta is someone who does what he was told, is influenced by what someone else wants him to do or say, and someone who allows emotion to conquer rationality. Can you really be an alpha if you let your emotions control you and influence how to treat people?
If you are in a relationship, you want to respect your partner and make them happy. But if your partner doesn’t feel secure in the relationship, that person is going to want you to do things to make them feel secure, like telling your friends certain things, wanting you to avoid certain people, limiting your social life or wanting to be more involved in other parts of your life. Do you think this is rational? Everyone is different, so everyone isn’t going to have the same answer.
I think when your are still developing who you are, building your life, and figuring out what’s really important to you, than being flexible is okay, including being flexible in your relationship, but if you are someone like me, there’s only so much I’ll be flexible about. And what I won’t do is allow someone to tell me how I should be with my friends and loved ones because they have an issue with my relationship with them. I have friends who I only speak to a few times a year and they are important to me. I’m not going to change how I interact with them if I start being involved with someone. Anyone new coming into my life will get the rundown of who’s who and what’s what. They either accept it or they don’t. I’m not going to change my act for someone when I’m not doing anything that would go against my connection with him, because then I’m giving that person control of how I move. I’m not someone who sleeps around or hangs out with reckless people, so any man I get involved will never have to worry about me doing something that would embarrass him.
Here’s a weird anomaly with relationships, sometimes you begin to take on their personality traits and what you may not have had in common before is becoming more common now. Friendships are a perfect example of this, this is why the statement, “You’re as good as the company you keep” is important, because the people you have around you should inspire you to be better and your qualities should improve by being around them. You notice how when you meet best friends, they kind of think the same way and have similar vernaculars with their speech? Those friends may only start with only a few common interests and then developed into more over time. But if you are in a relationship with someone who has some bad qualities, it’s only a matter of time you will start to develop poor qualities because your energies bounce off each other. This is why choosing the right partner is also important.
When you begin to change who you are for someone, you also begin to treat other people differently. If it’s not someone you look up to, someone who inspires you, or someone you see yourself going through life together, then you don’t want to be so consumed by a person that you start allowing them to tell you how to be. This is why I said love is mischievous. It can trick you into thinking you have to be someone different when there’s nothing wrong with who you are in the first place. You can really like someone, and I’ve mentioned this before, there’s a difference between lust and love. Don’t let lust make you think it’s love and don’t let love make you become someone who you're not even proud of.
Be safe everyone.
