May Day 🎂

“Celebrate Life”

May has always been a big month in my life and household. I not only have my birthday, but I also have my daughter’s birthday, mother’s day, memorial day weekend is always a United celebration, and the weather is getting into the summer, so yeah May is a big deal.

But, I want to make this topic short, sweet, and informative.

The older we get the more care we need to take for ourselves, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Mentally. We should keep ourselves from any unnecessary stress or conflicts. There may be people in our lives that we may like a lot, but they are not good for our mental health because they do not align with our lives enough that gives us the peace we need. They may give you joy, but do they give you PEACE? That is a personal question you need to ask yourself. Someone can give you excitement, but are they also giving you calmness and steadiness in your mind?

Physically. This one is very important especially those of us who are 35 and older. Your physical health plays a part in your overall happiness and well-being. GET THOSE CHECK-UPS! Ladies, this means go see your GYN and schedule that mammogram because the Hello Kitty and the Girls need to get check every year at the very least. Fellas, I know you guys needs to get your parts check too and it is more imperative the older you get especially if there are medical concerns in the family bloodline. Do not push anything off until later, especially if you are experience on-going pain or discomfort anywhere. We need to enjoy our lives and our loved ones, but we have to be healthy enough to do so.

Spiritually. One of the things I am learning from my new friend is that energies can transfer. I’ve always know this, but he’s been reminding me more it more and more lately. You know that saying, “Misery loves company”? People who are not in good spirits or who have underlying negative intentions will imprint their energies onto you if you are not careful around them. And that energy can drain you and affect you mentally, further affecting you physically. So someone who may seem like they are good to connect with may not be the best connection for you. The thing is you really have to pay attention to people’s moods and behaviors. If you find yourself questioning how they move and trying to correct what they do, then their spirits are in a different mode of life than you. It doesn’t mean they are bad people, but rather they are just not your kind of people to keep too close to you if you don’t have to.

Everything we do is a choice and just because something or someone is fun, doesn’t always mean it’s healthy for us long term. Definitely have your fun, but be aware of your limits too and how it impacts you and your surroundings, because your Mental, Physical, and Spirit rely on it.

Be Safe Everyone!

He Makes Me Want To Be More Feminine

“There’s 3 emotions that can kill you: 1. Love 2. Revenge 3. Greed.

I am too blessed to be greedy and I don’t have the time for revenge. ”

I don’t want to speak too much about this because I do not want to get ahead of myself, so this may be the first and last time I mention something like this.

So there is someone I’ve been getting to know. He's very new to me, not even a full year. Nothing has happened between us other than conversations, so I don’t have a pseudonym for him at the moment. It it becomes something, I may create a little nickname for him.

He's very aware of my life and what I'm trying to do so he knows that my time is limited and so is my headspace. The way he talks to me is so sweet, it's like he wants to protect my soul and he makes me feel so feminine. Let me try to explain it…

My natural vernacular, the way I speak, the tones I used when I'm excited or sad can be brass at times, but I don't do that with him. It’s like there’s a softness that takes over me and I want my words to be delicate with him. I’m nervous to share this with my friends especially the fellas because they're going to ask me to bring him around and I’m not ready to do that for two reasons. 1. I know how my guy friends are. They’ll do or say things to test him or get a feel for him, and that's not a bad thing. I’m just don’t want him to be in that scenario right now. I want to learn him some more. 2. If I bring this man around, they are going to see how different I am with him. They've seen the tough and strong Raya. They've seen the no tolerance Raya. They've never seen this version of me and to be honest THIS VERSION of me is a bit surprising to me too!

It's like as soon as I see a message from him or hear his voice or lay eyes on him, my cold exterior melts. I look at him and instantly feel like there’s a layer of love covering me and that he won't let anyone hurt me or disrespect me. Maybe he's only in my life to teach me that there are men who can make me feel like this where I can completely be soft and pink. If that's his purpose, if he here to prepare me for my next love, then I fully accept it. Because again, he knows I can't focus on a relationship right now he also knows that I need to keep my heart to myself for a little bit and that I’m only extending it to the people who’ve already been in my life for many years.

He doesn’t know the details of my most recent lover, but he knows there's some damage there. And I did tell him that I have common friends with the previous lover. He asked a few questions about that, but I expected it because yeah, if you're slightly interested in someone and they are close friends with people who's close to the last person they were involved with, how does that work? But he doesn't give me any insecure vibes or suspicious vibes. He even said that when the time is right, I will eventually have a healthy interaction with the previous lover. But he also said that anyone who was willing to give me up completely don’t really deserve to even be near me. I’m sure he was trying to make me feel good with that last statement, and it did. 🥰

He's very confident. He's not pressuring me to be anymore than a friend who he shares insightful conversations with. Who knows, that might be part of his finesse, but let me not allow my mind to go there. I've experienced men be one way when I meet them and become another way afterwards. But I’ve never been as gentle as I am and the way I am with this one.

The way he says my name makes my heart flutter. He has that southern twang in his speech but he articulates his words very well, he’s highly intelligent and with me being an academic, I admire that a lot. Even his emotional intelligence has shocked me, he listens to what I talk about and reads between my lines to pick up on what I don’t say and he doesn’t use that against me, he just listens and let’s me be as comfortable as I need to be.

But I am more surprised with myself! I know I am a good person and I know I am sweet to people especially when they are sweet to me, but I never caught myself being so soft before.

I’m fcked, aren’t I Ladies? Yeah, I think I need not to speak to him for a few weeks. I cannot make any big changes in my life right now, let alone make any changes with my heart. I am not ready for that yet and sadly, if that means I lose the connection with him, then that’s the sacrifice I need to make in order to reach the success I want and keep the peace I have. That may be unfortunate for him, but I can’t get involved with anyone’s misrepresented soul again. I still need to protect mine. I’m not a bum b*ch waiting for a man to change my life and wear me on his arm or show me to the world like a trinket. No, I’m not one of these girls living life on a whim chasing after an emotional high. I have plans, I want great things. When I am ready to love, I am going to LOVE. Right now, I like him. He’s good to my soul and making me reveal a part of me that I did not know was there.

Goodness, I hope he's as good as he seems to be, Lord knows I deserve it.

Be safe everyone.

Lessons On Class And Confidence

“My standards are too high to be out here doing what I see these girls doing for validation and attention.” - My Daughter

Finishing schools for girls used to be widely popular decades ago. They also stir up a little contravousey because some people believe these types of schools set women back and only groom them to be a man’s perfect companion and not anything more. I beg to differ. I honestly believe finishing school teach girls how to be demure and a proper lady. For instance, and call me stuck-up if you like, but I am not a fan of gum chewing. I think it’s distracting and meaningless.

To be clear, I never attended a finishing school, but I was raised by a father who taught me to be a lady and taught me to always present myself to the world as such. And trust me, when I am around my father, that’s what he sees…now, when he’s not around, that’s a different story, but I still maintain a level of class, and I know he’s be proud to know that 90% of the time, I am carrying myself like a proper citizen of society…I won’t speak too much of that 10%! ….Because some of the outfits I wear, I would NOT want him to see!

My father raised me to have confidence within myself, whereas my mother’s lessons were more about obtaining my confidence through men. Luckily, I leaned more on my father’s words than that of my mother. And almost all of my guy friends have mentioned at least once that the way I carry myself is admirable. One of them said that they know they’ll never see me bent over on a man or giving him a lapdance or being provocative in public…he ain’t wrong!

One of my guy friends was telling me that a girl approached him and wanted to go home with him and she didn't care if he knew her name or not. He said she was very forward. I was actually there and I noticed the interaction but, I know what the girl was saying. When he told me about it I said to him that some men like that, but he said NOT HIM. 🤣 He said that does not appeal to him and he ignored her advances. We both had a laugh about it the next day. Another friend said that birds of a feather flock together and if she is like that, her friends are most likely like that too and don't think twice about sleeping with any men and probably have a history of doing things like that. Ladies, this may seem fun and exciting, but that is NOT the look!

I know the music today does influence some of the extreme behaviors with these types of lyrics and how the artists are being advertised and promoted. They are preforming to keep a certain image, but me and you, we’re not getting paid to be over sexualized or to part of a hoe brand so Nah, baby, you've got to be better than that. And just think about the types of men who are turned on by women like that. Simple minded. 👀 To be fair, when things are done tasteful, it can be attractive, but the problem is too many people don't know the difference.

But let’s not focus on that, let’s go through a few points on how to exude class and confidence. This is mainly for women, but if you men see it fitting, then so be it. We don’t discriminate over here.

First and foremost, NEVER walk into a place with your arms crossed. Body language is EVERYTHING! When you walking into a bar, lounge, office building, stadium, wherever, keep a straight posture, shoulders relaxed, and arms down. When you have your arms crossed, it minimized you, and it can show a type of insecurity. Also, if you are going somewhere to meet people and you are not familiar with the place, walk in, stop, and quickly scan the room to look for your people. Also, never enter a place looking down on your phone. Look at your phone after scanning the room, but not when you first arrive.

If you are by yourself, do not be shy to speak to the people around you. If I am going out to eat or going to a bar by myself, I usually will sit at the bartop and if it is a little crowded, I find an open seat and softly smile at the people sitting nearby and I may say hello. Always give a welcoming presence. The other evening I was at a bar that I go to all the time and a man who goes there often too, but has never spoken to me, was sitting nearby and we struck up a conversation. He had mentioned that he noticed me a few weeks prior and noticed men approaching me and how I entertained the conversations, but still maintained a level of independence, as in “Yes, I am here alone, yes, I am friendly, but no, I am not a woman who is easily impressed or a woman you’re going to take home.” It’s always flattering when people notice things like this.

Also, if you are going to buy a drink for someone, no matter if you are a man or woman, just buy it, BUT there’s a way to do it without making anyone feel uncomfortable. Usually, if I am having a good conversation with someone and I notice them order another drink for themselves, I tell the bartender to put that drink on my tab. Or if I notice people I am familiar with, I tell the bartender to put their next round on my tab. And if I get myself any food, I offer to share it.

With physical contact, I don’t put my hands on anyone other then reaching out to hug someone. Or if I am in the middle of laughing, I may rest my hand on someone’s shoulder or arm, but I do not let it linger. Although, I have been known to gently keep my hands on someone’s back, but that’s only if I feel completely comfortable with the person. It’s the same if I hold someone’s hand. Sometimes if the conversation is getting sentimental, I hold out my hand for the person to hold as a gesture of consolation.

Confident people do not take in bad energy. If there is someone who is being rude, petty, or trying to intimate others, we don’t partake in that. Continue to enjoy yourself and the people who are enjoying themselves too. Women tend to do this often when they see other women who make them a little insecure about themselves. They tend to say things to their friends or whisper foul things under their breath. Ladies, we don’t get bothered by that. Actually, you should find amusement in people like that who rather have a bad attitude over a good time. Being happy in the moment will always outshine those who want to be callous.

Having class is having a behavior that shows people you cannot be affected by malicious people. It doesn’t mean you’re weak, it just means you know your value and worth to not succumb to tasteless acts. This also doesn’t mean you should always stay quiet and not defend yourself or other people, but it’s all in how you conduct yourself. If someone is speaking poorly towards me or about someone I care about, I don’t initially respond with aggression, I simply point out that they are entitled to their feelings, but I am not going to engage in whatever bad emotions they have of me or others. When you talk down on other people, it more so takes away from you because you are putting out negative energy that isn’t warranted or necessary. What’s that saying?…

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.

Even if I come across someone I am not in favor of, at the very least, I will say hi, but nothing more needs to be said. Why would you waste your time holding a conversation with someone who you do not have pleasant feelings about? Part of having class is having good characteristics. And the thing with confidence is that it doesn’t just come out of nowhere, it’s a portfolio of interactions and experiences with people, and it’s not just about people complimenting your look, it’s more so people affirming your character. And the weight of people affirming me is very heavy. So if someone is trying to make me feel small, it will be an instant failure on their part. I take the high ground as much as I can because taking that high ground separates me from people of less integrity and if you do the same things, be proud of yourself for it.

And ladies, if men lose interest because you're not easy or think you're boring because you hold yourself to a standard and won't break that standard for them, then that man go be with silly girls because he has a silly mind. A man of distinction is going to recognize a woman of distinction even if nothing ever happens between them, he’ll still admire a woman who sets herself apart from what everyone else may think is appealing. Because a man like that acknowledges and appreciates a woman who sets her own path and wouldn't want her to be less than what she is. So don’t feed into the nonsense. It never lasts. And you're better than that.

Be safe everyone…and stay classy.

Reconciliation

“Hey bighead.”

I love all the positive energy I am getting from many of you about my whatever situation it is. Instead of you guy saying fck that person, you guys are really saying good things. I do not know how many of you are long term here, but it kind of feels like you are growing with me. And yes, to agree with most of you, there’s always opportunities for reconciliation and resolution. Within my situation, I am not sure how possible that is, but we would both want to reconcile and one of us will need to break the ice and I could be wrong, but I feel that over the years, I have extended the olive branch many times over, this time, I think I am all out of taking the first step. Is that wrong to feel that way?

One of you said, “Send a text saying Hey bighead!” 🤣

I think the only contributing variable in a possible reconciliation is the fact we have friends in common with whom I am close to and I have gotten closer to a few ever since the smoke cleared. The friends maintain a mutual stance. They do not say anything wayward and I don’t say much about it either. I think they just have this unspoken understanding that they are just to stand by and let everything take its natural course. I respect that. I don’t like people feeling like they have to take stake in a matter that doesn’t directly involve them. And with these friends, I never could have imagined that I’d become so close to them. We all just naturally gravitated to each other. They’ve held on to me and I've held on to them. And sometimes they just randomly check on me. I was talking to one of them over the weekend and telling him that I’ve been stressed about the IRB process with my dissertation research and he says to me that if I need to block all of them for a year, they support it, but he also said that if I want to take my mind off it for a bit then we can hangout, get some food and drinks, and help me relax. I fckn love these people! Even when I don't say I’m stressed, they can hear it in my voice, they know how to read me and it's crazy because my relationship with them is far different from the relationship I have with the person we know, like that person should know how to read me and pick up on things.

And I mention previously that this person never really took the genuine time and energy to really know me, so how could they have ever loved me? I know the friends genuinely love me because they’ll say things to me that I didn’t even realized they even noticed about me, so I know they have been paying attention to who I am. I don’t think I can recall a moment where this person said something that let me know they see me. Which again, makes me sad to think about it. ❤️‍🩹

Of course this is just a small subset of my life compared to what is all on my plate, so it does not take up a lot of headspace, but there is space for it. I’m not one of those people who is like, “You’re nothing to me. Stay out of my life.” I think people who are like that are fighting demons within themselves and just don’t know how to compose themselves in a good manner. Yes, there are more pressing matters for me to address, and I’m not going to see about this unless it’s presented to me, but I am also not going to be childish about it. Children act out, adults don’t.

We get to a point in our lives where even though we may not care the same way about something, we still don’t need to be heartless about it regardless of what the other person has done or said. The last actual conversation I had with the person was not a great one and they said some cruel things, but to what purpose? I don’t know the answer to that, do what you want, at the end of the day, that’s not the type of energy I have. Bad energy is beneath me. And I told the friends the same thing. I have no mean words to say to anyone or about anyone. Let them do what they want to do. If they want to act foolish, let them. If they want to to civilized, let them. The only thing we can control is what decisions we make, not what decision other people make. Because when I meet my maker, I’m want to be confident that I did my best with people, whether there is a reconciliation or not. Should that be a goal, I mean I guess in some aspect, but either way I know who I am. I am not putting on a facade for people, I am not trying to prove anything other than that fact that I can be better and I am better. ✨️

And that’s what you have to remember for yourself. Let people act the way they want to, but you make sure you can be proud of yourself. If someone wants to mend anything with you, try to be open to it, but set boundaries. You don’t have to give anyone the same version of you that they took for granted. That’s on them. The Ex doesn’t get that same version of me. The Athlete doesn’t get the same version of me. But neither of them or getting a poor version of me, they are just getting a readjusted version where there’s new barriers. Are you guys following what I am saying? If you can be on good terms with someone, do it. But you are not required to put yourself in the same place to possibly get hurt again. 😕

I don’t want to get religious with you all, but I am a believer. I believe in the universe. I believe in the fact that people will show who they are based on what they are going through at the moment. If they are showing tension, it’s likely they are getting tension from another part of their lives. You just have to learn how to not be the type of person to transfer tension to others. I am also a prayer. I pray a lot and I rarely pray for myself. All of my prayers are in thoughts of other people. I pray for people to love and I pray for people to heal. I cannot make someone see me or see me in the eyes of someone who loves me. But I can pray that they strengthen their hearts to develop an understanding of what love can do for people when it’s genuine. Because there's so much love people are giving that’s temporary, superficial, and conditional and that's because many people don't understand their emotions so they act instinctively and don't think about what it is that their souls really need. ❤️

Be safe everyone. 🙏🏽

Advice From A Friend

“Men of good sense know the difference between a valued woman vs. a temporary woman.” - Que

One of my guy friends and I had a heart to heart about a few things. I’ve know him about 10 years now and we catch up about about once a week. We’ll talk for maybe 30-45 mins, just catching up and discussion various topics and since we don’t live in the same area, we video chat each other. I enjoy my conversations with him, it’s never superficial, and we feed off each other’s intelligence and cleverness. So the day he called me, it was about 1 hour after I published the last post, so my emotions were still high. When I answered his call, he instantly knew something was up. Now, even though he is a very trusted friend, I still don’t not share too much of my personal life that doesn’t involve the person I am speaking to, does that make sense to you all?

He asked me what was going on and I was reluctant to tell him anything because I did not want him to be too concerned about me. This friend, we’re going to call him “Que” has become really fond of me and cares a lot for my happiness and well-being. So I ended up telling him about the topic I just posted up and gave him a little background detail. He was already somewhat familiar of my history with the person and the friends I have in common with the person. I also admitted that my feelings were hurt from different situations with the person and that it makes me sad to think about it. Que applauded me for admitting to that because even he knows I am not very vulnerable with my feelings. He also knows me enough that hurt feelings won’t weigh me down, but I just may need a moment to process them through and he just caught me in that moment when he called. Que is also aware that within that friend circle, no matter what they know, seen, or have been told over the years, they do not treat me any different, they still handle me the same. And I think that speaks highly to their character.

So with the information Que already knew and the information I had just given him, he told me to remember what I’m trying to do. What he meant by that is for me to not get lost in whatever the issue is that it takes me away from what I am trying to accomplish personally and professionally. He advised me not to be around people who are not only reckless with me, but also reckless with their own decisions. And since Que is aware that I have an abundance of male friends, he warns me to be mindful of how people on the outside may see me. Even though my friendships are innocent, he doesn’t want me to put myself in a predicament where people do not take me seriously or misjudge me because of the types of men I am around.

He did said that there are places men take their wives and the women they care about and there’s a decorum on how you act when you are in those place, and then there’s places men take their toys (if you get what I am saying) and those toys do not always know how to adhere to the appropriate decorum. Que said that the way I carry myself, I do not want to be in the the places where tasteless things are being done.

Now to be fair, Que does put me on a high pedestal and over the years he’s heard me talk about my professional goals. He wants me to protect my reputation. His position on this is that he doesn’t want me to diminished my hard work just to be labeled as “that girl who was with that guy” or “that girl who’s always with those men”. And I completely understand what he’s saying. You never know who you will need to interact with, so you want to be seen as someone who can be trusted and held at a high regard.

And I definitely don’t want to be labeled as a woman who’s doesn’t know how to handle business or is not well versed in many worldly topics. And Que knows my confidence is not easily affected. He knows that no matter how someone may mishandle me, that I will still come out on the other side even better. He said people who really have good hearts end up regretting how they treat people and if they really want to be better people, they make changes within themselves.

I’ve always told you all, I am not perfect. None of us are, but we have to learn from mistakes and bad decisions otherwise we are just going to continue to leave a trail of damage behind us. I don’t want to be know for that, so I do my best to practice self-awareness. Even when I am being wronged, I am still aware enough to process my decisions in the matter. I am smart, I am beautiful, I do intimate men and women, and people do get insecure when I am present, but that is not something that should influence me to act disgracefully. I am a woman of distinction. I am admired and I am loved. Anyone who does not agree or see that doesn’t really know me.

So ladies and gentlemen, never forget your value even if you are sad about something. And to affirm everything Que talked to me about, don’t forget the goals you set for yourself. Don’t let someone else’s poor choices hinder your behavior. And when it comes to how the world may see you, you don’t ways need to defend your stance, but protect your reputation even if all you do is say nothing and just show people what class looks like.

Be safe everyone.

Spiritual Impacts From the Solar Eclipse (April 8th)

You already know I am not big on Zodiacs and the meaning of the stars, BUT… the movement of the elements in the universe does have some effect on us.

According to Architectural Digest, it symbolizes a time of darkness and spiritual renewal, offering an opportunity for introspection and the shedding of old energies. In astrology, the eclipse signifies the darkness of the ego and the potential for spiritual rebirth, marking a moment to release past patterns and embrace new perspectives.

Reference: https://www.hindustantimes.com/

Here is a glimpse of what may come into play for you from the solar eclipse…

Aries March 21 - April 19

The insecurities and anxieties that may have been hiding in the depths may suddenly emerge, and you will have to deal with them directly. This eclipse also emphasises your desire to seek refuge from the outside world to be alone, eliminate the impurities, and renew in the personal sphere. The time spent in solitude, near the water, and in sacred spaces can be healing. When the clouds clear in your mind, you will see the world with a new outlook and a greater sense of meaning.

Taurus April 2 - May 20 ✨Me ✨

This eclipse could indicate the end of transient relationships that have come to their natural end, thus allowing new and more meaningful relationships to sprout. It will motivate you to develop new aspects of yourself and experiment with different things. You will be more open to the idea of teamwork rather than doing everything by yourself. Stay open to changing circumstances and accept these shifts as a part of evolution.

Gemini May 21 - June 20

The eclipse can be a source of bright ideas that will ignite new mental endeavours and awaken curiosity. Under this eclipse, there can be new professional beginnings. A new position could be offered, or you might be promoted to a leadership role in the workplace. You may find yourself in a higher position and more spotlight. The eclipse makes you ask yourself if you are on the right road, which is true and meaningful. If not, it's high time to stop and make adjustments.

Cancer June 21 - July 22

This eclipse can boost your thirst for knowledge and wisdom. You may desire to study more, but it could be as simple as enrolling in a course, attending seminars, or delving into philosophical and religious studies. You would be in search of a stronger spiritual connection, looking for alternative belief systems, or embarking on a more introspective journey. The eclipse could offer the chance to go on an adventurous trip.

Leo July 23 - August 22

The eclipse will give you a profound chance to have introspection and self-exploration. You may be under great emotional stress, with deep-seated fears and attachments holding you back. This is when you should turn inwards, let go of everything that does not serve you anymore, and be ready for the transformation process. There can be a break-up with an old relationship that is no longer suitable.

Virgo August 23 - September 22

This eclipse may mark a significant turning point in how you perceive the world around you, specifically about love and relationships. It could be the point when you discover new people who can positively change your life or see the end of some relationships that may not help you grow. It will incite you to analyse the nature of your partnerships critically. You might want to reconsider new ideas and collaborations.

Libra September 23 - octber 22

This eclipse urges you to reconsider issues relating to your health and well-being activities. This is when to adopt healthier habits or deal with existing health problems. Start new fitness regimens and dietary changes, or even look for alternative healing modalities to improve health. This eclipse could also signal upcoming changes in your professional life. You may be motivated to pursue new career goals and rearrange your work environment significantly.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21

This is the time to examine creative endeavours, hobbies, and unique forms of creative expression. It may be the opportunity to discover talents that were hidden before or confront the creative barriers that were in the way of progress. Romantic relationships, too, may be subject to significant changes. The eclipse may open the avenue for new realisations or unexpected twists in romance or relationships.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

During the solar eclipse, the spotlight is directed towards your inner world, and you must search beyond the surface to discover the hidden recesses of your emotional foundations. It will bring to light unsolved issues and unconsciously expressed emotions. This can be a period of family transformation for some. Let go of old customs and bargain new deals. Find a balance between your needs and the family's required duties.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19

This is when you could consider relocating to a new area or starting a new project, including writing or public speaking. During the eclipse, you will be curious to go on short trips or participate in academic activities and assignments that will deepen your thinking and give you a more thorough understanding of your surroundings. You can start intellectual ventures enabling you to discover and utilise your potential.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18

This eclipse might be a wake-up call to reconsider how you perceive money and material things. You might be pressured to simplify spending, reduce unnecessary expenses, or even chase new opportunities to generate income. You may also use this period to explore alternative ways of wealth accumulation or investment opportunities that meet your values, like eco-friendly or socially responsible investments.

Pisces February 19 - March 20

During this eclipse, you may become more aware of yourself and even start a new spiritual journey. This might be when you realise that you must discover your hidden abilities or interests. Besides, the eclipse may make you question your aims and values. Your intuition will be heightened during this period. There could be sudden revelations that can become a guide to the path you have chosen.

Be Above It

“We cannot always hold people to their indiscretions.”

I want to share this anyone who has been slighted by someone they used to be fond of.

I was speaking to a dear friend recently, we were reflecting on good times that have been shared and then he stated to me that he hates how things play out between me and someone we both know. I responded to him with…

Sweetheart, I know you’ve not been privy to all the information and all the intricate details. One day I may speak my part, but not today. Only two people in the circle has seen me at my rawest emotions with different struggles. I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m amazing. I’m thriving. I’m happy. I’m blessed. And we only move forward and only look in the review for reminders.

After our short discussion, I reflected on my experiences with the mentioned person where for so long I was kept in the dark about a vital piece of information. Information to which if I had known, many events, feelings, and decisions would not have happened. And yet, I was made to feel like I was the one who was constantly wrong. And also reflected on how the person treated me and the words they said before and after the news was revealed to me. It’s like I never really knew this person at all. I don’t have any hate in my heart and I moved passed wanting to know “WHY?” with anything. I actually feel indifferent about this person now, which is a weird feeling for someone I once felt very warm towards. It’s almost like this person is a stranger, now that I’ve been made aware of several things that was not presented to me for so long. Again, I have no hate in my heart and the people that this person and I share in common have a very special place in my heart. I love seeing them and catching up with them. They’ve never waivered me or made me feel unimportant. They have always placed a barrier of protection over me and for that, I am forever grateful. And my indifference towards the person I once knew will not affect how I care for those people.

I know I keep bringing this up, but this confirmation of my growth and peace. If I run into this person, I’ll still be kind. I’ll be delicate and ladylike, just as if it was my first time meeting this individual. I cannot predict how this person may behave, react, or receive me. Or if this person will be dismissive or slander me to those around. I surely don’t expect this person to protect me since that has been revealed recently. But hey, that’s not on me. It’s not proper for me beseech someone to act in valor.

I also previously told my friend that the person had their own reason for acting and saying what they did. The person also had their own reasons for keeping me in the dark about important information. I am unclear of those reasons as several of those in the same circle are unclear too. But again, that’s not on me and the friends who are aware of the matter agree. Yet, I am not sharing this to revel in it, because no one in the circle has spoken poorly of the person including myself, and I don’t bring anything up unless they ask. Even then I am tight lipped about what I share.

I’ve made a conscious decision to be above it. What’s been done cannot be undone. What’s been said cannot be unsaid. The only action is what I told my friend, “…we only move forward and only look in the rear view for reminders.” And not a reminder of pain and disappointment, but a reminder of what’s come from the experience and being grateful of the lessons learned from it. Like I said, I don’t know how this person will receive me if we run into each other, but I’ll stay delicate and hope for a proper and good interaction. I mean, I loved this person at one point, there still a little love there, it’s just not the same.

We cannot always hold people to their indiscretions. Therefore, we cannot always expect the worst or even the best from them. All we can do is be generous, not engage in gossip, not to pass prejudgements, not be venomous, and keep an open mind to people. Who they were yesterday may not be who they are today and tomorrow. That’s the surprise in life. Expect the unexpected and change is always inevitable. Take a deep breath, think of those who love you and have always shared their careness towards you.

For the Ladies, anytime I am tussling through my mind, I like to soak in a Lavender and Milk bath after getting a mani/pedi. I do a facial scrub and I put on a calming playlist, and then I just breathe. Fellas, I don’t know what helps you to decompress, but some of my close friends have said that having a boys gathering, like a kickback at someone house where you just sit and talk about various things helps bring out the better versions of yourself and keeps you reminded of how making good choices with people impacts the trajectory of your surroundings.

I hope sharing this helps some of you.

Be safe everyone.

Don't Subliminally Pressure Me

“You can’t force the outcome you want.”

I mentioned this in my rundown of topics previously. I am beginning not to like it when men have ulterior motives with me. Because then I feel like I am not being heard and you just want what you want. If I tell a man I am not interested in jumping into a relationship or that I cannot prioritize a relationship right now, don’t push the topic. Although, you know what I’ve experienced when I stand firm on what I say? The men tend to get upset with me! WHY??? When I made it very clear what I don’t want, So now you’re upset because you could not convince me otherwise? - If you are going to be sassy because something is not going your way, why would I want to be with that type of man in the first place?

I’m not trying to be sexist, but it does seem like men are acting more feminine these days in regards to their emotions. It's okay to express your feelings, but don’t get out of sorts about it. You should still maintain some sort of composure and masculinity.

I shut out the world on purpose and frequently. I only show the world what I want it to see. Putting a space between me and what's outside of me is how I'm able to keep steadiness within my personal life and maintain my peace. Even if we are good friends, I still need some distance. Some take offense to it, although it is my choice, and I choose to wake up grateful knowing I'm blessed. I learned that I cannot give too much of myself to people. I cannot get too engaged with everyone else’s matters. My emotions and opinions can only go so far, and the best I can do is consciously choose to be full of light. I'm social when I'm social. I'm not when I'm not. And in both ways, I don’t like being expected. So if my words are falling on deaf ears to a man, then the decision is easy, I am not going to tolerate or entertain him.

I think I’ve shared this before, I do get some slack from friends about how I should be grateful that so many men are interested in me and want to give me the world and treat me like a Queen. Although, my mind doesn’t think like that. I don’t want someone who is obsessed with me, I don’t want someone who is exactly like me, and I surely don’t want someone who gets uptight when I am not conforming to his expectations. Yes, I do want someone who admires and respects me, but you don’t have to be with me to do that. A good man is a good man all around, no matter her relationship with a woman.

I am appreciative that men are sweet on me, and I am even more appreciative that my male friends have a soft spot for me. I am just not that woman who wants a house on the hills with the man of her dreams. Don’t get me wrong, I used to be that woman when I was younger. If you want those things or have that life, I love that for you, there’s nothing wrong with it. We all take our experiences and shape them differently. For me, I have experienced many things in my life that have made me think more practically and be more sensible about men and relationships. Had some of these men today who are trying to win me over, if they met me when I still thought how I used to think, I have no doubt I’d be married and possibly with more children.

Much of my growth happened in the last few years. I don’t regret anything. I don’t feel that I am wasting my looks or my femininity because I don’t want a traditional relationship. I just think that I am making decisions that are best for me. My outlook on life doesn’t block men from loving me; I’m just more reserved on how I would like men to love me.

Be safe everyone.

Deflecting Anger and Blaming Others

“Sometimes you’ve got to acknowledge your own faults.”

I started to write this a few weeks ago, but other topics pushed this one aside so I’m finally getting a chance to circle back. First, let me ask, How are you all doing? Is everything good? Before I start, do any of you have anger management issues? Do you get upset at the slightest inconvenience? Do you go off on people? Do you feel your anger is always someone else's fault? If any of this is you or if you seem to always be in the mix of struggling between anger and peace, then baby sit down because I’m going to tell you something you're not going to want to hear: YOU MIGHT BE THE PROBLEM. AND IF SO, YOU WILL NEVER HAVE PEACE.

If and when someone is upset with me and wants to get loud or aggressive. I let them release whatever tension they have. Whether you're a man or woman, I'm going to go ahead a let you be sassy. Especially the men. But the one thing that makes me laugh to myself is when people claim to be happy and in a good place, but so quick to get upset at someone. Sweetheart that’s not a practice of peace.

For people like this, who claim to be happy and tranquil, I just want to say, “Fam, you don’t even know what you're saying. You're just saying because you think it sounds good or it makes you seem like a good person. Sitchoass down in the corner somewhere and think about it. Don’t say a damn thing and just think about what it really means to be at peace.” -- But I don’t call those people out. WHY? Because I'm so good with my life and my growth right now that it would just take away from my blessings and my good vibes. Listen, when I say I’m good, I’m GREAT! Even though I am juggling many things right now, I have steadiness in all of those things. So who ever wants to get upset with me, go ahead and be sassy all you want. Call somebody, talk about me, shoot in the group chat about me, call me crazy, try to disgrace me, go ahead, because a person who doesn't like me isn’t go to say the best things about me, but I know my value to people and the people who do like me know my value, so again, if you're upset with me, give all the sass you want to. Maybe doing that will bring you peace.

People who are so quick to lash out at someone have an immaturity about them or they are around immature people who influence them to act that way.

Here's the thing, if someone isn't stealing from you, messing with your money, causing physical harm to you, or disrespecting your family, then what’s there to be upset about? Doing all that carrying on for what? What does it serve? Even with people who aren't my favorite people, I still don’t say anything foul about them because I’m cognizant enough that I understand my experience with someone isn’t going to be the same as someone else's experience with them. So what do I look like talking poorly about someone to another person who has a different type of connection or relationship with them? For example, why would I talk about a person to someone they are close to like a family member or a close friend? Number one, I don’t speak poorly of people in the first place, let alone speak of them to people they are familiar with. That’s a childish behavior, or people who are like that either do not have much going on in their lives or just likes to gossip. For instance, elderly people tend to gossip a bit because that helps them pass the time and keep their minds active. Baby, I’m not elderly, nor do I not have a lot going on for me or in my life.

What’s that saying? "Small minds discuss people great minds discuss ideas.”

If your main focus is discussing people, then it’s likely that your emotions are reflective of what others do. If so, your mind and your heart cannot be at peace, no matter that you say. I’m not a simple broad, I’m not trying to figure out whose talking about me or who doesn’t like me. If you don’t like me, that’s a shame for you because I’m awesome. I’ve been through a lot of things that has shaped me and none of my experiences made be bitter about people or life. There’s several people I could be angry at right now and there’s plenty of people I can disgrace and talk about, but what does that do for me? My life and my success is moving forward. Why would I step away from that?

If you are upset with someone and think it’s all their fault, it’s not. There’s a cause to everything and don’t think that you are not part of that cause. So before your start blaming people, think about the type of person you THINK you are vs the type of person you actually are and how you have affected other people with your decisions.

Be safe everyone.

Raya's Rundown

This is what you’ve been wanting from me….

Let’s start with sports. If you are new around here, I’m an Eagles fan to the core. The whole family is. There’s just something unique and different about my team and there’s just something unique and different about the fans. If you’re not an Eagles fan, bless your heart baby. Anyway, so Saquon Barkley who played for the Giants has always been an Eagles fan, he grew up watching the team and has expressed wanting to play for for the Eagles and now that opportunity has opened up for him and he’s taking it. Barkley is originally from Bronx, NY, but grew up in Lehigh Valley, PA. He played at Penn State, so he has connections to Philly. But Tiki Barber, who is a former Giants player, is not happy about Saquon’s decision. Let’s pause on this for a moment. So Saquon, a grown man, is making a decision for himself and a Tiki, another grown man who is no longer playing football, allegedly tells Sequon, “You’re dead to us.”

First of all, who is US? Is he speaking on behalf of the Giants franchise or is it a particular group of people? Secondly, if that’s how you react to someone else’s choice whether it be personal or professional, then let’s put the clown stamp on you sir. You cannot control what people do, on top of that, you cannot speak for other people. Who made you the spokesperson? This is what happens when men have too much ego, they think they can control the people around them. Tiki, aren’t you the same man who left his pregnant wife for your mistress? Now I don’t know that situation, you and your then wife may have already had some type of agreement, but fam, this is how you look. You may have more than a few character flaws there, my guy. I’m sure in the grand scheme of things my little website will never get to your eyes and ears, but sir, Why are you having a tantrum over this?

That’s like someone being mad at you for doing something they didn’t like, so now they tell people not to associate with you. If any of you are like this, please wear that clown stamp proudly. How are you going to tell other adults not to associate with someone YOU have a problem with? Do you pay all their bills? Do you dress them? Do you feed them? We are not on the playground, baby. Whatever your issue is with someone is YOUR issue, it’s not someone else’s issue. If you are like this, please sit down and just stay quiet. Clowns need to take a break sometimes. Hey, you wanted this side of me, here it is.

Plus, my Daddy likes Barkley move to Philly and says he is a great running back with a good track record. I’m rolling with me Daddy.

A lot of you are asking my thoughts on the Draya and Jalen Green chaos. First and foremost, congratulations on the pregnancy. Let's start there. Next, I'm going to give you both perspectives. If we're looking at the age gaps, Draya has a son who is Jalen age, so of course, that's going to be weird anyone. And that couldn't be something I would do and especially get pregnant, no. I don't know if you guys are familiar with 90s hip-hop, Cam'ron is a rapper from New York, some of his most notable work was during the time he was signed to RocAFella Records, and he has a podcast with another New York rapper, Mase, whose best known for his tracks with Bad Boy label. Anyways, they share their thoughts on this and mention they want to know if Jalen is even cool with all this, like does he have any say or thoughts about this? Or is he just trying to follow suit because Draya is an older woman and is just trying to keep his head down. And what do Jalen's parents think about this because his parents may be close in age as Draya. Jalen was probably watching that reality show Draya started on, and that might be where the infatuation started. Who knows, I know she's getting a lot of flack from this. I don't know how Draya makes her money, but people are saying that she's set herself up comfortably due to Jalen's basketball contract. My sister and I spoke about this briefly, and she told me that if I did something like that, she would be highly upset with me and embarrassed. I wonder if anyone in Jalen's or Draya's circle has those feelings?

But let me now give you the other perspective. He's an athlete. She is a reality tv, Instagram model, beautiful, and semi famous for her looks. They are in the same environment. Their people know each other, they probably go to the same places, he's young so he mostly like hangs out at clubs and lounges and Draya's PR people probably tell her she needs to be out and host parties and be seen mixing and mingling in the celebrity social scenes. Their environments and their surroundings are not far different. Plus, he is not some bouncer at a bar, and she's not some diner waitress. Both of them have publicly made a name for themselves. If it was everyday people in this situation, yeah, I get it, be upset, that's not a proper situation. But like I said, i don't know how Draya makes her money, but her name is obviously known among certain entertainment crowds. So she's not a bum, and neither is Jalen. In a normal light, they're not equals, but in the lives that they've created for themselves, they are somewhat aligned. Can people still find fault it it? Of course, it's natural for the majority to react in disgust. Especially since Jalen is starting his career and has so much to learn still, but no one would have batted an eye if it had been a bottle girl who is his age and got her pregnant.

Take me, for example, I do well and make a comfortable living, which would be better, me dating a 22 year old delivery boy or me dating a 22 year old entrepreneur who's developed a successful business? I could probably have better conversations with the entrepreneur, but outside of that what else would I have in common with him? Neither of the guys would be an option I would decide on because it's just not practical and my life is beyond comparison of a 22 year old, even if he was a 10 million dollar athlete. Again, congrats to Draya, this is what she chose and she's the one who's going to go through it. I wish her the best.

📍NOT MY WORDS: People are commenting that she is “Draya is passed around goods…Just because she's pretty doesn't mean she’s worthy….Jalen is too young to understand what he got himself into.” PLUS! There's now men (other athletes) who's commenting on things she did with them. 👀 People are cold! 🥶  

I am so sick and tired of men trying to subliminally convince me I need to be in a relationship. Men who are like this have intentions that do not align with their understanding of me or consider what I want. If I tell you, there’s no value for me to be in a relationship right now, you need to pay attention to that, not make plans to be alone with me to try to get me to see that you are the man I should be with. Or if I tell you that I am comfortable with how my life is right now, and I’m not interested in giving my time or emotions to a man, you need to hear me out. I do not have the capacity to be in a relationship, I don’t have the capacity to be someone’s girlfriend, and I definitely do not have the capacity to be someone’s wife, I’ve held those titles before, I really don’t see a need right night to have them again. And even if that door was open, I’m not going to be with a man who doesn’t listen to me. I’m not going to be in a relationship just to be in one. There has to be value and significance that surpasses a friendship. I want something tangible.

If a man is constantly talking about a relationship or asking what I want in a relationship, he has ulterior motives with me. Why can you not accept my friendship? Or if you just met me, figure out if I’m at least someone you want to be friends with. Start there. And let me be clear, I’ve mentioned entertaining lovers before, that type of relationship is not a traditional one. It’s a European adaptation, moreso French and Italian. Having a lover does not mean we are checking for each other everyday. It just means we admire each other, we encourage and praise each other, we spend some time together, we may have mutual friends and go out socially, we are intimate, but we are not in interference to anything else going on in our lives and we give each other space. And that last part is my biggest thing, SPACE.

I’m building up my passive income portfolio because I may retire from my career, but I am not going to retire from making money. Plus, I’m deep into my dissertation research, and I’m very much involved with the happenings in my family. I also try to make time for people I’ve know for a long time. For instance, I have a friend who is coming in town this week. I have not seen him in over 7 years and he reached out to me to have drinks and catch up. I’m going to go have drinks and catch up with him and I don’t have the patience for someone to be upset about that. When I’m in my zone, I’m in my zone, whether it’s studying, working, or being around loved ones. So if I step out, I just want to relax and not have anyone making me feel bad for wanting to be by myself or for wanting to see about friends who I dearly care about. Yes, I have a lot of male friends and that factor about me is not something that will sit well to certain men. I’m a loyal lover at the very least, no matter how distant I may seem or how emotionally close off I may be, if I’m sleeping with you, I’m only sleeping with you. I don’t want to have to keep explaining my friendships with people or why I like my space.

Let me live. Be my friend, don’t try to be my anything else. If I see something in you that I feel would make a good lover, I’ll let you know in some way, and if that doesn’t happen, then just accept my kindness, funniness, and friendship. Be easy on that other stuff.

📍A man said he wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him I will stress him out because I don’t listen and I don't like sharing my bed. He said, “We can work around that.” - MEN DON'T LISTEN! 😫

In Georgia a father and daughter have been arrested after the father shot and killed his daughter’s boyfriend. Now, there’s always many sides to a story, but the news reports states that the daughter and the boyfriend where fighting, not sure if it was physical, but the daughter calls her father and so I guess that father wanted to protect his daughter and went to where his daughter was at with a loaded gun and shot the boyfriend. Now I take everything I read online with a grain of salt, especially with news reports like this. There used to be a high standard when it came to journalism and there’s prestigious school like Dartmouth University and Syracuse that focuses on helping students become great writers and reporters. Dartmouth was one of my considerations when I was in high school. Nowadays, people just put anything out there and it seems like is more for entertain that information value. What really caught my attention about this story was the daughter is only 22 years old a baby! And the father is 47 years old, still YOUNG. Now 3 lives have been forever altered for poor decision making.

I understand that father wanting to help his daughter, but to shoot and kill someone?! You are 47 years old, that’s still young to me, but old enough to know better and to maybe just get his daughter out of that situation insteading of shooting someone. Plus, I’m not sure how the daughter was raised, but to all parents out there, please raise your kids to have the ability to make decisions that don’t harm them, especially when it comes to relationships. Because much of the younger generation and mindsets today act like they don’t care what happens they’re just so caught up in what they feel at the moment without stopping to think about the consequences.

I pray my kids never put themselves in compromising situations like this, but I also know how I am raising my kids. They are not going to stay anywhere where they are not respected and valued. My kids resemble too many parts of my personality. Both are laid back, my daughter gets excitable about certain things, while my son just stays cool and quiet. My son is the one who doesn’t like to be bothered too much, he’ll come to you if he needs something, but for the most part, let him be and give him his space. And my daughter will tell you quick if she’s bothered, she will not hesitate to walk away.

I pray for the father and the daughter in this story. I also pray for the boyfriend’s family. It’s a sad situation all around. You’ve got to be very conscious on how you raise your kids and what you do around them. Many kids emulate what they see from their parents or whose around them and they either grow up to be the same or learn to be different. But damn, 47 years old and now your being charged for killing someone’s son? And at 22, you should be out enjoying your life, not face criminal charges over a situation you probably could have handled better. 47 and 22, there’s a difference in ages, but similar in mentality. Some people don’t mature with age, that’s why you see them doing things they should know better than to do. Let the kids be kids. If they are in a possibly dangerous situation, do what you can to get them out of it, but don’t get yourself trapped in it. And this goes for people who date other people 10-20 plus years younger than them, where is your mental to be entertained by this person, or have you yet to mature?

Be safe everyone.

Signs Of A Dying Relationship

“If you have to walk away, then do it with grace.”

I met someone the other evening when I was out. Don’t get too excited, he’s not a potential. We just had a nice conversation about life. He divulged to me that he was married, although he and his wife were separate all last year, but they decided to try to work things out. He revealed that he does not feel the same way about his wife anymore and is leaning towards divorce. I then proceeded to ask him: “Do you feel you’ve done everything you could to salvage your marriage? If the answer is No then you need to make an effort to do those things.” He thought about it and said, you’re right, I need to try harder. I don’t know if I’ll ever run into this man again, but I hope things do work out for the best for his marriage, no matter which way it goes.

I’d asked that same question to anyone else who is married and thinking of heading to divorce : “Did you do everything you could to make your marriage work?” We talk about a lot of things here, but I am a firm believer that when you get married, you made a promise, a commitment to be there for one another, so you need to do your best to be there for your spouse. Even if you have an open marriage or some sort of understanding in that nature, you still need to consider your spouse first, everyone else is just background noise.

I’m not saying that people should never get divorced, I am an example of divorce. I am saying that if there is still love there, love isn’t enough to make something work, it’s just a feeling, it’s just a chemical reaction. So whatever love you do still have, it needs to be enough to motivate you to make the effort to resolve issues in your marriage. You guys following me? Sometimes people take that “do what’s best for you” mantra in a selfish and unhealthy way. All these self-love and self-preservation affirmations are sometimes used to make you feel better about your decisions, and it’s not always a good practice of thinking especially when you make bad decisions. For instance, not caring what others think is not always the best way to behave. You should care about things and people, and you should do your best not to hurt people, especially if you are married. But, let’s step back a little bit, here are some signs of a dying relationship.

  • You spend less and less time together

  • Your conversations or very short and dry

  • Your conversations always lead to a disagreement

  • You or partner seem to be very secretive lately

  • You or your partner are not as affectionate as you used to be

  • When major things in your life happen, you don’t talk about it with your partner

  • You don’t say or hear “I love you” anymore

  • You or your partner are emotionally distant

I know this does not cover all the signs, but I believe any issue can be repaired if you make the effort to do so. If anyone here is married or is in a long-term relationship, and you’re 8-9 toes out of it, stop and think about the relationship, what you both want and come up with a solution that’s healthy for both of you. I have a friend who has been married maybe 4 or 5 years now and he recently got himself a girlfriend. I asked him if he saw that as sign that there are issues in his marriage. He said "No” and told me that he loves his wife and is not thinking about divorce, but sometimes he just needs a mental break from his marital life. He said the girlfriend knows about the marriage and where he stands with it and they just spend time around each other’s schedules.

He also shared that his parents did something similar where both of them had other companions outside of their marriage and what he learned from that was the value of discretion which is the quality of behaving or speaking in such a way as to avoid causing offense or revealing private information. This is not the same as being distant or lying to someone. There’s an art to having discretion, some people know how to do it, others don’t. It’s more of a character trait that you cannot easily learn and people who practice discretion and are good at it are mostly likely to be the most trustworthy people you’ll know.

Should we count friendships into this? It is a type of relationship we have. The signs may be different but, whether we realize it or not, there is a type of dependency we have on our friendships. Sometimes we may look to our friends for guidance, comfort, or even just a break away from something. Having a boys night or a girls night is an outlet many of us use to help us alleviate or not think about the stresses in our lives. Our friendships can be just as important as the other relationships we have. So then what is the breaking point for a friendship. I have only consciously ended 1 friendship and it was based on a difference of values, and the friendship being one sided. It hurt me to end the friendship because I did consider her a good friend, but she shown me a mindset that I just could not agree with and it had a lot to do with her childhood insecurities that become her adulthood insecurities. I just got tired of coddling her insecurities and trying to help her feel better about herself and her choices. It’s one thing to so something that makes you happy, but it’s another thing to do something based on your insecurity or self-esteem issues. It was draining me and I had to walk away. That’s the only friendship I ever broke up from. It’s weird to say it like that, but that’s the reality of it.

And I am probably not the best person to be friends with if you do have self-esteem issues because Baby, my confidence will shine no matter what. And I’m not trying to sound full of myself. I may not get all the attention, but I do get noticed and I just don’t like being around people who use self-pity as a coping mechanism. I also don’t like people who bad mouth women because they feel inadequate around them. See, my self-esteem is built different. Don’t be mad at a woman for being pretty, be mad at yourself for being mad in the first place, because what’s really the problem? And if you’re worried about a man being interested in that another woman, that’s not the other woman’s issue, that’s an issue you need to take up with that man. I’m just saying, don’t misdirect your personal issues towards other people. That’s an insecurity trait.

We ultimately have to decide what is good for us, but when we are involved with other people, we should take a moment to consider them as well and figure out the type of relationship we want to have in comparison to the type of relationship it is right now. Aye, no one said it was easy being an adult, but here were are. We are the big people now. Let’s just do our best.

Be safe everyone.

PSA: A confident woman has the power to make you feel insecure. A mature woman has the humility to let her presence be known without doing or saying much. A bothered woman will be upset either way.

Sneaky Links

“Don’t be sneaky with how you feel. That’s a sucker move.”

You all just deboed my topics! I had another one ready to go, but now I’ve deivated a little. If any of you want to share your thoughts on anything, you can always send me a message. You are not required to share you name, your email, or any contact information. Nothing ties back to you if you want to remain anonymous. I have a lot of readers like that and I have some that share their names and emails because you want direct responses from me and I do not mind that either. I’m not here to just impose my ideas onto you. Like I said, there’s no guide book to life or how to navigate your connection, communication, or relationships with people. We let the Universe do what it does and make sure we take accountability just as much as we may try to blame others.

You guys gave me much feedback from the Situationship topic, and give me some more insight on Sneaky Links, I figured I go through that since it’s not my area of expertise and these are all fairly new terms because thrown around a lot lately. So I’m just going to share your thoughts on Sneaky Links. For the most part, you all say that Sneaky Links are JUST SEX. Not thing else. You say a Sneaky Link can become a Situationship and further become a relationship, but not the other way around. Like a Relationship can never become a Sneaky Link. Is this 100% accurate?

But my major question is, how do you not let a Sneaky Link get too far? In my opinion, sex can be very intimate and can cause unexpected emotions for each other? Is it realistic to disconnect certain human elements from sex? So if it’s just sex, that mean you two are not hanging out, you’re not making meaningful conversations, you’re not meeting friends or family, all you are doing is calling or sending a text message when you’re in the mood. Am I on the right track here?

Let me explore this outloud. Say I get myself into a Sneaky Link situation, how do I even make it clear that that’s what it is? Like do we plan to be at the same place, not acknowledge we know each other, but leave at the same time? Are we legit friends? Or is that not even important? Say if I’m at a bar and my Sneaky Link is also there, do I shoot him a text to let him know when I’m leaving? Or what if he is with someone? Do I still make some form of contact or do I assume nothing is happening that evening with him? I need to know these parameters! Where is the line drawn?

Or let’s say I have a long time friend, we do not speak to each other often or see each other often and we happen to run into each other. And say we’ve always had an attraction for each other but never acted on it and on the day we run into each other, we slip off to a hotel room. Everything with our friendship has always be good, so we don’t want to make this a routine thing and we don’t want to ruin our friendship, so we have an unspoken agreement that we just hookup if we run into each other and if we are both available. Am I sort of getting the picture?

I cannot say I see myself doing this, but I also won’t say that I’ll never consider it. First and foremost I have to be comfortable enough with the person to even entertain the thought of sex, as far as the dynamic of our relationship in regards to how well we do or do not know each other and the factors that may be affected, I guess a Sneaky Link would be unique to you and the other person. But then again, isn’t that the case with any form of relationship? Whether its a Sneaky Link, a Situationship, or an established Relationship, isn’t all of it unique to the people that’s in it?

I think at this point in my life, I don’t much care what the label is, I care more about how I’m treated. Be clear with me. Let me know what you want and what you don’t want and most importantly, let me know if any of that changes. Don’t have me thinking something is a certain way, but you change your mind and not tell me, so then I start to pick up on weird vibes because you didn’t know how to use your language skills. C’mon now, don’t be a chump. I think the biggest issue that two people can have is not communicating exactly what you feel, what you want, and what’s changed.

I’m going to give this topic a day or two to allow any additional feedback, then we’re moving on to the next subject.

Be safe everyone.

Signs of a Situationship

“If you don’t want to love me tomorrow, tell me today.”

I really enjoyed writing about this topic and getting your input on it. And I’m starting to learn that men are using what I’m saying here to go back and use in the women they are involved with to influence them into thinking in a way that more benefits the man. You all need to be shamed! And which one of you ladies are not picking up on this hack?! You should be shamed too!

So what is a “Situationship”? This term has sort of replace the idea of a casual relationship. A situationship by definition means: a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established. (I’m sort of taken back this is in Google’s dictionary).

Mainly, it’s a person that you spend time with, treat differently from your other friends, and have sex with. It’s the makings of a relationship, but it’s not an actual committed relationship, like there’s no talks of living together, having babies or getting a pet. If you guys hang out together somewhere, you may look like a couple, but when asked, you just say you’re just friends. But there are also scenarios of people being in a situationship and could be on opposite ends of the room, but still end up together later on in the evening. And the reason for this is so that people don’t make assumptions. One of my previous lovers was a “Situationship” so I know what one looks like and feels like. There can be a lot of emotional blurriness. And there were times where I felt like he threw in the towel and left me hanging out to dry. That hurt. A lot. But as time passed my vision got clearer. We’re not going to get into all that, just know that my heart has been broken by a man who was my lover, but not my man. And I am not embarrassed to admit that.

Several of you get your input on how to identify a situationship:

  • Hotel Room Hook-Ups (possible “Sneaky Link”)

  • You’re only going to one person’s house

  • You only speak on certains days or at certain times

  • You do not introduce each other as your girlfriend/boyfriend

  • You do not spend major holidays together

  • You’ve not met their family (parents, kids, etc.)

  • One or both of you are Married (I think this one is a big indicator you’re in a situationship)

  • No one has said “I love you” (I’m not sure about this one, I said “I Iove you” to my situationship guy and he said it to me too.)

  • S/He doesn’t acknowledge you or he tried to avoid interacting with you too much in public. (possible “Sneaky Link”)

  • You’ve not been on an official date.

  • You don’t talk about a future together.

  • One of you says “Let’s just see how this goes.”

Situationships CAN work just as good as normal relationships as long as there is full understanding from both parties. I also think situationship can become relationships and relationships can turn into situationships. I have a friend who is currently upset with me because he feels I am an interference to his alleged situationship. Although, this is not confirmed information because he claims nothing is going on with anyone while she is singing a different tune 🙄. But, let me not be facetious, I don’t want to seem like I’m being dismissive of his feelings, if he’s upset, he has the right to his emotions or if he’s upset because someone else is upset then that’s another factor for him to work through. Again, I'm not trying to be impartial to his feelings, I’m just not going to avoid rationale.

Here’s a token for all of you: If your mere presence makes other people uncomfortable, Baby, that's not a you problem, that's a them problem. Men are obscure sometimes and they can also be sensitive about things and not know how to handle pressure, give them time and patience. I was raised by a man and I’m the eldest of my siblings, I always had to be strong and keep a poker face. But I’ve cried in front of men before, actually I left an emotional voicemail for someone the other day. I didn’t intend to get emotional, I just wanted to share clarity, but as I keep talking and thinking about different scenarios, I just start bawling. A few hours after I left the message, I kept think, Oh goodness, this person is going to hear it, think I’m a loser and be cold hearted about it. But again, nothing I am ashamed to admit doing because sometimes we have to be that person who wants things to be better and in order to do that, sometimes we need to make the first step and do things we normally would not do...that’s just my conscious and spirit talking just in case any of you are having a little rocky moment with someone.

Anyways, Situationships can be great or they can be ummm not so great. It’s all on how to start it, maintain it, and end it that determines its value. Because I do not plan to get married again, I have to be realistic about possible relationships or situationships. So it’s best to start with your deal breakers, then your standards, and then feel out who marks off those checkboxes. But keep in mind, people are not perfect and they are unpredictable, so not everyone will check off every box, or if they do in the beginning, they may not mark off those same boxes at the end.

I think that’s why more and more people are getting into these Situationships because the level of commitment is different. What are your thoughts?

Repressed and Suppressed

“Sometimes You’ve Just Got To Give People Their Fair Shot And See If They Can Make It.”

Question for you guys. I want to think this out loud with you all. Have you ever kept your feelings for someone to yourself, or have you ever suppressed issues with some in order to keep things the way they are? How did that work out?

Something occurred recently with me and someone else, and the person said something in the heat of the moment that made me think that there's a repressed issue between us that this person is holding on to. And I didn't quite understand it because if everything was fine between this person and I, then why is there an issue?

I thought about my relationship with this person some more and slowly realized that there's been things I've never shared with this person, and I probably should have when I was in that moment. I started to write it all down, and holy shit it's a lot. I keep going back and forth on whether I should share this with the person or not because I don't want them to feel attacked or caused them to have other issues. I also don’t want the person to think my repressed feelings are what I feel now. Looking at everything, I had some built-up resentment. And I'm thinking to myself, "Fck, why didn't I say this when I was feeling it?"

In psychology, repressed emotions refer to emotions that you unconsciously avoid. These differ from suppressed emotions, which are feelings you purposely avoid because you don't know exactly how to deal with them.

But I think me holding on to it may be the reason why I act the way I do towards this person, and if I just let it out, it will be weight off my shoulders. And I don't know if this person will look at it and think,"Well damn, this makes a lot of sense now." Or they'll look at it and think, "This is a waste of my time." But if it's going to help me release pain that I didn't know I was carrying, shouldn't I just go ahead and let it out. I have no clue how this person will react, if they'll be mean about it or if they'll be conscience of what I’m doing. I know I'm very stubborn, and it doesn't help that this person is just as stubborn.

I'm a highly intelligent woman, and I have an analytical mind. If I were on the outside looking in, I'd tell myself to just say it and be prepared for any fallback form the person, be prepared for the worst, and be prepared for their defense. When you share something, you can only control what you say, not how the person understands it. There's an indirect third party who wants this person, and I just hash out the differences and get along. And I want that too, but I feel like there is going to be some explosive before we get to the other side. Or I could be wrong and this will have a more positive outcome. Ugh, being an adult is a hard sometimes especially when dealing with other adults. Because at any point both of us could be like, "I've got more important shit to deal with." And everything stays as it is. The thing with repressed and suppressed issues is that it becomes a cancer within you and it can get worse and affect other parts of your life.

I know I'm being very cryptic, I just don't want to share the particulars because it may be considered sensitive. If you guys have any experience with something similar, please share it.

Questions (8)


Got Questions for Me? Send Them HERE.

(You are not required to share your name or email.)

So I've got a little time today and decided to answer some of your messages.

1. How do you tell someone that you want to be with them without ruining the friendship?

This one is a little hard, and there's really no right answer. You have to be willing to let go of the friendship if the other person doesn't have the same feelings for you. Because once that cat is out of the bag, there's no going back. 💝

2. I'm trying to plan something for my girl, what's a good date night idea?

The answer to this is based on what she likes. Does she like getting dressed up and going out? Does she like gifts? Does she like affection? A good date night for me is a man letting me know he wants to treat me to dinner and to wear something nice. He picks me up and gives me flowers, we go to a nice quiet restaurant and possibly a lounge afterwards. By the end of the night I'll be excited for adult activities. 💦

3. How are your previous lovers doing?

There's really only one who I really still communicate with. Poppa is not Poppa-ing right now. He's doing some things. And I'm going to touch base with him later. I'll just going to leave it at that. 🤣

4. What's your career?

I'm an HR professional. I've been doing it for 12 years now. I'm certified and have degrees relating to the field. I also freelance my expertise. Making as much money as I can because ain't nothing cheap these days. 🤑

5. What do you think about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce?

I'm happy for them. They're both at the top of their careers, and they seem to support each other and enjoy each other's company. 🎤

6. What's a secret about yourself no one knows?

Well, I can tell any of those because then everyone will know. But I'll share something interesting about myself: I'm a sensitive lover. I like love songs. I like being complimented, thought of, and feel loved. Also, when I'm really into someone, I want them to be happier than me, so I tend to make extra efforts to make them happy. 💕

7. What's something you'd tell you're 25 year old self if you could?

Ummm, I don’t think I'd tell her anything because all of my decisions and experiences in life got me here, and I like where I'm at. ️🌞

8. Do you think it's a good idea to get back with your ex?

I think it depends on the 2 people. If you want to get back together then go for it. Even if it was a casual thing and you 2 stopped fooling with each other for a while but want to start up again. It's up to you. The only thing that would make it a bad idea is if the person is a bad influence and doesn't make you feel 'seen'. Then no, don't do it. 🩷

Is He Gay?

“I rather you be the best version of you so I can show you the best version of me.”

One of you ladies sent me a message expressing your discernment about a man you're interested in. The woman states that she gets frustrated when the man seems to rather want to hang out with his friends over spending time with her. And makes a claim of him being gay because he wants to be around men over being around a woman.

This is an interesting topic. But let’s start be recognizing that the gay community is more accepted and prominent these days. Let’s also be mindful not to make assumptions when something does not seem clear to us. I do not know if the man in reference is gay or not, the reader mainly said he spends time with his guy friends more than he spends time with her. In my experience with men, I don’t think a man planning to be around his friends a lot is a red flag for gay behavior. I think as individuals we create camaraderie with people who align more with who we are or who we aspire to be. Are women not the same way? You constantly see women in groups of 2 or more. I think it is great for men to have a strong group of friends he feels comfortable around. Isn’t that the main idea of fraternities and sororities? They are organizations that follow certain standards, values, and beliefs. So if a man has that with his friends, what’s the problem?

I have several guy friends who hang out together and I always mention how I love their support for each other and how I admire them keeping in touch and getting together as often as they can. So to the reader, I am not sure of all the details of your relationship with the man, but have you considered the following:

  • He is not exclusive with you to want to spend more time with you

    • This may not necessarily mean that he is seeing other women, but maybe he is still figuring things out within himself to decide if you are someone he wants to spend more time with.

  • The things you two do when you are together isn’t something he wants to do routinely

    • Think about what you do when you’re together. For women quality time holds different weight than it does for men. That doesn’t mean it’s not important to them, they just don’t need it as much especially if the relationship is already confirmed. *Men who are career or business oriented are like this.

  • He just wants to be around his boys and talk about things he can’t speak of around you

    • Sometimes boys just need to be boys. If he has a good group of friends, he may need to see them often to stay grounded or to keep him on the track of being the best version of him.

Although, as always, you should rely on your intuition. If you feel something isn’t right, then there’s probably something happening that’s not in your favor. You can always give people the benefit of the doubt, but you have to identify what type of communication and relationship you want to have with someone. And you may have to accept some hard truths if someone turns out to be a person you won’t be with long term. I’ve learned to accept people as they are with what they show me and place them in my life according to what I know. Everyone I interact with holds some value to me, no matter how often or less I speak with them.

Everyone I have come across has imprinted onto me and has contributed to my growth in some way. I am around more men than I am around women and I pay attention to people, what they talk about, how they carry themselves, how they behave, and if they act differently around certain people. I don’t initially think there is anything “gay” about a man spending a lot of time with his boys if that’s the only concern. I think it’s needed, just like women sometimes need to be around or confide with other women. And trust me sometimes when all the boys are together, we don’t need to be among those conversations. Sometimes a man may say something around his friends or people who have known him longer than you, it can make your mind wonder about his character or make you have more questions. I say, just let him have his time with his friends, but also let him know that you would like to spend more time with him and see if he makes any adjustments for you, then go from there.

Be safe everyone.

My Funny Valentine

“I’ll never be foolish for loving you. I’m just foolish for how long I loved you.”

Let me start by saying, I do not have a Valentine, I do not plan to have one, it’s not even in my thoughts. I think if I were involved with someone, I may take interest to it, but for now, no. And I am not against people who celebrate Valentine’s Day and do grand gestures for their partners, by all means if it is important to you or if it makes your person happy, then make the most of it.

Although, don’t be one of those women who wants to be treated special on that day and that day comes around and the man who they thought they are with doesn’t even acknowledge it. If that happens, then Sweetheart, he doesn’t see you like that or you are more into him than he is into you. If you are in a relationship or similar and your companion likes acts of admiration, then you should do something special for them. I mean, if I was with someone, I’d want him to make a little extra effort for me. Even if I started talking to someone tomorrow, yes, it’s new so I would not expect him to go over the top, but maybe a nice dinner or something simple.

Some of my guy friends are the sweetest though, they know I’m fully single so they’ll send me a Happy Valentine’s Day message or call me to say something nice. My guy friends are silly, a lot of times when I am hanging out one on one with any of them, people assume we are a couple and my friends just go with it and some of them will make up a whole story about how we met and just run with it! I let them have their fun. It’s very endearing when they do silly things like that, in a way it lets me know they care about me and that whatever my status is, I am never alone in anything. I value that.

But come February 14th, if I’m sitting by myself somewhere, don’t for one moment think that I am unhappy, that my life isn’t fulfilled, or that I am lonely. None of those things are a factor. You can be sure that my self-esteem is healthy, my happy is high, and my peace is stable. I can be surrounded by couples and still not feel out of place. The only thing I am weary of is PDA (public displays of affection). I’m okay with sitting close, cheek or forehead kisses, or even a quick lip kiss. I’m even okay with him putting his hand on my legs or rubbing my thighs or leaning on me, but I am a little too modest to do anything more than that, with the exception of going out of town. Because when you’re out of town, you do know anyone and it’s just you and your person or close knit friends, so I may be a little more affectionate in public, but when I am in my home cities where people know me or recognize me, I don’t like people in my business. Sometimes people will speculate, ask questions, and create a certain image of you. And many of you might say, “Well it’s doesn’t matter what other people think.” That’s only realistic in certain circumstances. For the most part people see me carry myself as a well-dress, friendly, respectable woman and I don’t want to taint that image. When you step out of the house, you represent yourself. What I do behind closed doors is my business, but if I am seen out with a man kissing and hugging on him, I open myself up to the public’s opinion. So I cannot be upset if people were to have questions or get defensive about it because I allowed my personal life it to be seen.

I will say this, but with extreme discretion, there’s one person I talk mess to every now and then, but he’s not hearing me. Bless his heart. I don’t say anything too crazy, and I never say anything in front of other people. I could whisper something slick in his ear, but I’m still nervous of someone hearing me, so I stick to my level of comfort. I don’t act up in front of company with him. I keep it just between us and I don’t even have his full name saved in my phone just to avoid the possibility of someone trying to look over my shoulder at who I’m texting. I try to be as discrete as I can. There’s this one line I’ve been wanting to say to him, but it would need to be triggered by something he says for me to say it. So he may never hear it. And in relation to this this, if he were to call my bluff one of these days, I can honestly say that I have come to an accepting point in my life where I have no idea what decision I would make until it’s presented to me, but one thing I am certain of is that I will not do anything that I am not comfortable doing. I’m at least comfortable with this person enough to say certain things, but putting that into action is something different, I do not know which choice I’d make. Either way, it’ll have to be a practical choice, because nothing of the heart ever makes sense and I’ve learned that lesson over and over again, so the mind needs to make sense of it. And that’s my stance on a lot of things right now.

Any of you who have Valentine’s Day plans, I hope you enjoy it. I’m happy for you. Actually, let me share my Lover’s Playlist with you. It’s on YouTube music. There’s over 100 songs on it and I keep adding to it. Maybe you’ll like it, maybe you won’t, but here it is if you want to listen to it: SLOW DOWN Playlist. If you don’t have a sweetheart, I’m still happy for you and the playlist is still good for you. Don’t let people get in your ear about being alone on Valentine’s Day and making you feel bad about yourself. No, we don’t do the self pity around here. We do what’s in our best interest and we make the most of it.

I’m not opposed to loving someone or letting someone love me, I just have to be comfortable with everything and whatever compromises there are, it has to not take me away from my vision. Nothing can be strong on a bullshit foundation. If a man is just going to bullshit me and gaslight me about his bullshit, then he needs to like me from a distance. We're adults, we work, we pay bills, we pay taxes, we've got responsibilities, so why would anyone want to put a filter on who they are or what they've got going on in their lives? I’m young enough to still have a full life ahead of me, but I’m also passed the point to not be wasting time with anyone who doesn’t get it.

You cannot build on a hollow foundation.

Be safe everyone.

I'm Good

“Being mature in theory is not the same as being mature in practice.”

Many of your are trying to talk me into just getting out there and having a little fun with someone, trust me, some of my friends are doing the same. It’s not falling on deaf ears. I get what you are saying, but I do have fun anytime I step out. Although, you want to have me out here playing around with some man. I just can’t do it, well I could, but I won’t. I just can’t open up and be out here with some random man. There’s levels to this B.

He has to meet me intellectually. He has to meet me professionally. And he had to meet me maturelly. Yeah, I could go and have my way with someone, but that doesn’t gratify my soul. I’m not an instant gratification type of person. I like to have fun, but not the type of fun that will have me waking up next to a stranger or next to someone who I shouldn’t be intimate with. I was talking to a friend I’ve known for many years and we were discussing different with men and women dating at certain levels. I made the comment, I believe some older men have affinities for younger women because younger women make them feel more wanted and needed because those women are still working up to what a more mature woman may have already achieved, so she needs a sense of co-dependency with a man.

My friend added to that by saying younger women “go after” it more because that’s where their heads are at and they have yet developed parameters for themselves. Whereas older women, most of them, know what they like and they may deviate from that depending on how interested they are in the man, but for the most part they stay in the neighborhood of what they prefer. My friend also told me he recently went on a guys trip out of the country and the met a few women. Now pay attention to this next part…

My friend is older than I am and he said the women they met were very pretty, very friendly, and seemed very eager, BUT they were young. He said he would have been in trouble if one of them were at least in her 30s. He said even though they were very attractive and fun, he didn’t find interest in taking it further with any of them, and that just meeting and hanging out with beautiful women was enough. And you know what, I can appreciate a man who understands the different between superficial lust vs. tangible attraction. I can appreciate a man who can see a gorgeous woman, no matter what age, and just leave it at that and not see a pretty face and think, “Huh, maybe something could happen with her." You can be up in age and still roll with the punches, but you also need to understand the emotional intelligence of people at different ages. More importantly, you don’t need to be for everyone. Experiences can make a person more mature, but life lessons and good life skills come with age and self-reflection and the willingness to make improvements.

I admire men who can look at themselves and identify what they are attracted to, but can differentiate a substance base interest vs an unsubstantial interest.

I told my friend about the 25 year old I befriended last year and I told him the young man didn’t have much tact when speaking with me. Even though he had a professional career, lived on his own, and had achievable goals, his language and competency of life experiences was only relative to his age, his environment, and who he chose to be around. And that’s no fault to him. I can’t expect someone in their 20s to have that same knowledge of life that I have. Because as you age, you are supposed to go through experiences that can change your lenses on how to make decisions, how you carry yourself, and how you act towards people. And with that being said, recently a different young man sat next to me while I was having a drink and struck up a conversation with me. He was a cutie, and had a respectful vernacular, but with my experience with the last young man in his 20s, I just left it as a nice conversation about went about my evening. I’m no going to play games with anyone who I know is attracted to me any may try to push their luck. Especially when they just met me or don’t know me too well. Plus, from hearing stories from girlfriends who dabble in the tadpole pool, they say the young ones only have one speed 👀😬😳. I can’t work with that. I need a lover to know how to switch gears 😅. Although, some older men stick to one speed too 🙄😒.

I’m good either way. I don’t need anyone disrupting my focus or expecting more than I can give. Whenever and whomever I chose to get close to will have to be the creme-de-la-creme (well at least in my eyes, because it is all based on perception), and he will value me in the current realm of who I am, and I will value him in the current realm of who he is and we’ll go from there. Until then, I’ll be in my own business enjoying friends, family, and myself.

Be safe everyone.

Options Aren't Really Options

“When your mind is disciplined, your body will be too.”

The idea that you have so many options as far as romantic partners has some fallacy behind it. Although, there may be many possibilities of choices, it doesn’t mean they are actual options. For instance, a willing high school student isn’t an option for an adult who is not looking to be arrested and charged with sexual abuse of a minor. But let’s look at this in another way. For me, anyone I directly work with is not an option. Anyone under 35 is not an option. Anyone without their own transportation or living space is not an option. And this isn’t because I am high maintenance, it is more so why would you have not secured certain essentials? I guess this would be more of what you prefer, but I do prefer someone who has the main essentials in life. I think it also has to do with priorities as well and maybe a little bit of how you were raised or what was taught to you as far as what is important to have.

Much like in my last post about maintaining a good pH balance, I shared that I’ve not been intimately involved with anyone and that’s by choice, not because no one has shown interest. Due to what my life is like right now, with work, growing my freelance business, my studies, and the dynamics of my family obligations, I have a lot on my plate right now and I do not know of any man who will be patient and understanding of that, which leaves me to having “no options” for intimate companions. Especially with regards to my academics. I knew that the courses would get more involved as I progressed further. I just started my Spring term 2 weeks ago and only 3 more to go! I am so close it makes me feel anxious and excited. And I don’t need some man downplaying my goals and my lack of availability because I'm trying to reach higher. I’ve barely spoken to any of my friends the last few weeks because I've been spending most of my free time reading, writing, and preparing for the next phase of my research. I'm not trying to wait until the last term to get everything done, so I'm serious about my time right now. I’ll breakout every now and then to hang out with people, but I still need to stay focused.

And like I mentioned several times, I am choosy with who I allow to see me in a certain light. The practice of remaining celibate wasn’t something I planned, it’s just how it’s playing out because of my standards and boundaries.

I am not suggesting anyone to be the same way, do what works best for you. But, I rather not waste my time or play games with some 20-something year old just for quick thrills. No, I’ve got to see something in you other than just a few common interest and sex. There’s plenty of young men who want to see more about me, but I know there’s nothing that will come of it, so I don’t even play with the thought. If I was the cheap thrills type of person or had a one night stand type of mentality, I’d probably be thinking about all of this differently, but I’m not like that, so here we are. And I not saying I require a serious relationship. No, but I do require someone to be serious about me, if that makes any sense. He does not have to revolved his life or decisions around me, but I’d appreciate consideration for me when he is doing something or planning to do something that may affect me whether positively or negatively.

Ladies we have to take accountability for our decisions just as much as we expect men to do it. A very attractive man or woman may have plenty of people wanting their attention, but YOU decide who gets it and the type of person or the caliber of person you decide to choose can say a lot about who you are. You can have a great connection with anyone, but you've got to be emotionally intelligent enough and self-aware enough to not get too wrapped up in someone who:

1. Can't or won't understand what you want or trying to do.

2. Manipulate you into feeling guilty about your personal goals or standards.

3. Wants to be with you to benefit off your status or success

4. Doesn't see you as an equal person and doesn't consider your happiness and comfort

5. Someone who isn't emotionally intelligent and self-aware themselves who won't acknowledge their flaws to better themselves for the sake of being a better person.

I've seen my friends get involved with certain types of people and I think, oh that was a vulnerable choice and it never lasts for them, but I don't say anything because sometimes people get defensive when you point out their deficiencies, because they don't want to believe they make poor decisions because they've gotten their emotions too involved with someone who doesn't align well with them. Like I said, you can have a great connection with anyone, but you don't have to emotionally or intimately connect with them. But hey, that's your choice and sometimes we need to make the wrong ones to learn and eventually make the right ones. But remember, everyone who's interested in you doesn't mean they're an option for you.

Be safe everyone.

How's Your pH?

“Sometimes staying away from what you want isn’t the hard part, it’s being near what you want that can be difficult.”

Hey ladies, let’s talk. So what's your pH balance doing these days? I know I’ve discussed this before and I’m going to keep discussing it because your vaginal or Hello Kitty health is important and it needs to be a priority to you. So fellas, this may not be a topic for you, but if you stick around you might learn something useful.

If there are any young ladies here who isn't full knowledgeable about vaginal discharge, depending on the color and consistency, vaginal discharge can be healthy. And if your discharge bleaches your underwear, that's a positive thing because that indicates you have good pH balance. And that's why the recommendation is that you buy new underwear every 3-6 months. For me, I’m change mine ever 2-3 months because 1. I’m serious about my Hello Kitty and 2. I’ve not been letting anyone play with my Hello Kitty for _____ years. Let’s just say a very long time. I've not allowed anyone to come swim in my pool. It's been closed and locked. So I definitely have good vaginal health going on right now. 😆😇

Vaginal discharge can often stain/bleach your underwear because it is naturally acidic. The vagina has a 'good' bacteria called lactobacilli which keeps it healthy by maintaining optimal acidity levels and preventing bad bacteria from causing infection. When this discharge is exposed to air, it oxidises causing it to bleach your underwear. So when you notice something off with your discharge, pay attention and if you're having sex with someone, my best suggestion is to hold off until you get your pH back in order. But your grown, do what you want. I'm just saying, if there's something going on with my pH and I've been having sex with someone, then he's no properly taking care of his personal health or maybe hygiene because a man’s bad hygiene can definitely cause nasty bacteria for you.

Sex to me is very personal. I’m sharing my body with someone so I prefer to be very selective and that's the biggest reason why I don't have a long list of sexual partners. Listen, the one time I did something out of character and thought I was going to have a one night stand, it ended up being a thing for 8-9 years. 😆 That gentleman and I are still social, he's not seen my naked in a while, but I really thought the day I met him was going to be the last day I saw him. Yeah, so apparently when I tried to do something I’m not used to doing I still end up staying who I am 😂. And I think I told him that the day I met him, I made several decisions I normally wouldn't make. I don't know if he believed me, but that's my truth.

But back to having a healthy pH balance, it’s a new year ladies, if you haven't paid much attention to your Kitty's health, it’s time to start. You’ve got to keep her clean. Just like how you would clean and take care of your face, you've got to put in that same effort with her. I shared the oils I used in a previous post and I share it again below along with an oil mix for your face, but you can also use the V Mix for your face too.

There's no particular measurement, I just use the dropper and mix 2 to 3 full droppers of each oil into the bottle. I consistently use this oil mixture daily, just like how you would use lotion on other parts of your body, the Kitty needs lotion too.

In a small dropper bottle, mix the following:

https://amzn.to/3SiZqyN (Purchase Glass Dropper Bottles)

”V” Oil Mix:

  • Sesame Oil

  • Argan Oil

  • Jojoba Oil

  • Tea Tree Oil

Face/Eyes Oil Mix

  • Almond Oil

  • Rosehip Oil

  • Castor Oil

  • Tea Tree Oil