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When you hear the name Gatsby, you probably think about extravagant parties. The story F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote is loosely based on his relationship with his wife, Zelda Fitzgerald. The book is a love story, a sad love story and it is one of my favorites. Jay Gatsby is a fictional character, he is an idea, but it is the realism of a man who will do anything when he is in love — at least I think that is what the author was trying to convey. A man in love may not do the same things as Gatsby did to win back Daisy, but a man may do irrational things to prove to a woman how much he admires her. There is something thrilling about that.

A friend recently said to me, “Raya. I don’t think you’ve ever been in love. You may have loved people and you know what love is, but you never been in love.” — To which I gracefully nodded. Being in love warps your thinking, it’s similar to being in lust which also has you doing things you would not normally do, but when you are in love, you do things that change the long term effects of your life. For instance, Gatsby created businesses and bought a huge house with housekeepers and servants just to prove to Daisy he can give her everything she needs. He spent years making enough money and kept track of her to one day get the chance to convince her to be with him. Does that sound crazy? And is it crazy if you are in love?

Yes, I’ve done things I’ve never done or normally would not do for men I have been involved with, but the list was short. And each man did not get all the same benefits. For instance, I gave my ex children, I didn’t give anyone else kids (but that is more logical reasoning than anything else). Another man I knew worked late hours and he would call on his way home just to talk. I’d be sleeping most of the time, but I kept my ringer on so I wouldn’t miss his call. I’ve not done that with anyone else. You see, I don’t believe everyone is the same because everyone isn't the same, hence not every man is the same. And ladies, do we agree that each man we’ve been involved with has brought out something different in us that the other man has not done before?

But what if Gatsby wasn't Gatsby? What if he was an average man, with an average living wage? Or less? What would this kind of man do to gain the love of his sweetheart? I think he’d be more creative. I think he’d pay more attention to what she likes and find a way to make her smile without superficial objects. Gatsby could afford anything Daisy wanted and with Daisy being the character that she is in the book, she validated luxury with love. I think I would rather someone listen to my interests and surprise me with what he comes up with.

My friends and I talked about love languages recently. There are 5 of them:

1. Words of Affirmation: Saying words of encouragement, support, and confirmation.

   • This is the language I speak the most. I believe saying good things to people goes a long way. *One of the main attributes that I'm aware of within myself is that I can be great with words or I can be vicious with words and that is because my intellect extends beyond spoken language. I read people.

2. Gifts: Giving little or big presents to someone, depending on the person's likes.

   • I like giving gifts that relate to the person in some way. I feel like it’s confirmation of what I’ve noticed about them and I appreciate people who do the same for me.

3. Physical Touch: Hugs, cuddling, holding hands, etc.

   • I am really not an affectionate person, but when I really like someone, I’m more willing to show and receive physical affection.

4. Quality Time: Giving someone your undivided attention.

   • This probably the one I cherish most. When someone chooses to spend their time with me and we just enjoy each other's company it means the world to me.

5. Acts of Service: Doing nice things for someone.

   • The is another one I hold high regards for. I love it when someone does little things that help make my day go by easier.

I believe I speak all these languages and I’d want all these languages spoken to me. So the Gatsby type of man is not the ideal man, he’s a fantasy, a void, a romantic idea, a superficial feeling. I don't want a Gatsby, I want a partner. A partner in compassion, a partner in consideration, a partner in understanding, a partner in love.