Set The Tone
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I’ve had this website for a long time now. It started off on Blogger in 2008 and has changed names a few times since then (IamRayaL, TheStyledMa, and currently, LoveRaya). Over the years, I have shared style tips, recipes, experiences, and learned how to monetize this site. These days I share my thoughts on life topics that include family, relationships, business, and finance. It’s also like leaving breadcrumbs so I remember what I used to do and how I used to think before becoming who I am today. With these last few weeks, remembering things (major and minor in the last few months) has been a little difficult for me to do.
I cannot tell you enough how grateful I am to my readers…especially when you notice my absence from time to time. My faithful readers know that I value my privacy and only share but so much with the public.
I use Squarespace as my website host and one of the benefits is I get certain analytics and reports on the traffic on my website, what people search for, keywords, and what the most popular content is. I don’t know if my visitors are men or women or any of their background details unless I do an advanced research (that’s too much) but interestingly, the most popular content in the last 60 days have been 2 posts:
Don’t Give Everyone Access (published Jul. 2020)
I talk about being exclusive and how everyone does not deserve to be around you and being aware of people who are takers.
It’s not selfish to want to be alone or to not want to talk about certain things with certain people.
Men Set The Tone (published Oct. 2018)
I talk about how women set our standards on what we accept from a man, but a man still is the one who sets the tone in a relationship and how it will continue. The tone he sets may be influenced by the woman, influenced by his family or friends, or the tone is just his own preferences. I read somewhere that love is a chemical reaction that comes and goes, the challenge is being disciplined enough to not hurt someone when the feeling goes or reminding yourself that losing the person will hurt you just as much.
The emails I’ve gotten about this post reveals that no one disagrees with this logic….So fellas, you decide what type of leadership you are going to show a woman.
Speaking for myself, I love when a man is clear on what he wants with me and doesn’t confuse it with conversations or behaviors that contradict what he wants. He doesn’t treat me as one of his many options, he treats me as the reason. I cannot stand for a man who will not answer a direct question and leaves it open for interpretation. This tells me that he’s putting me aside to see what else is available and if he can’t find better, he’ll come back around. — Nah playboy, just keep going and take that bs elsewhere.
I also love for a man to take control in a way that's protective and not demeaning in the sense that he cares about me, wants the best for me, wants me to be better, and will keep me safe. Or if we are meeting at the restaurant and he gets there first or I’m running behind and he goes ahead and orders for me because he knows I'm not a picky eater. He also orders my drink because he knows what I like or wants me to try something different…yeah, that's the type of “Take Control” I like.
With both posts, the main thought is that no one can take your value from you unless you allow them to. It’s a cliché thought, but it’s absolutely true. You cannot depend on someone else to make you feel whole no matter how much you care for a person and want to hold on to them. You have to hold on to you and set your own parameters with everyone in your life.
Don’t be mistaken, I am not void of men problems or letting my emotions get the best of me. My issue in any of those types of situations is that I thought too highly of a person, higher than I thought of myself and it backfired. The reality is you will never know what someone is thinking or truly feeling and you cannot always go off of actions because those can change too. With every new experience we go through, there is a new perspective we gain and with the new perspective it can change what we do, what we say, and how to act around others.