“Share the secret, free your constraints.”

*Thanks for the heads up about about the audio file error!

Ladies I want to ask this question: Have you ever noticed men being hesitant towards you? Maybe tiptoe around how they talk to you, what they do around you, or maybe they avoid eye contact in a conversation with you? Part of this may be that you are intimidating, another part may be that they cannot predict your reactions so they scale their actions or their words towards you to avoid whatever they are trying to avoid, whether it’s rude, inappropriate, unfriendly, or even too friendly.

Fellas, here’s a newsflash, we notice all of this! At least I do. Many times I can determine when a man is not being his whole self towards me. There’s a blessing and a curse to this, if he is showing a softer side of himself because he does not want me to think the worst of him, I can appreciate that. But if it’s a matter of him hiding something from me whether it’s a damaging secret or his true feelings about me, that can be a bit bothersome. Either way, if a man is really upfront with who he is, he should never have to tiptoe around me. Like what are you scared about?

Another thing I do notice is when I text a man and he does not seem very engaging. Say if I text, “How are you?” and all I get back is either a very short or generic response such as, “I’m good”. and there’s no engagement of asking me how I am or what I’ve been up to or being interested in what I’m talking about. I do know there are reasons why someone may not have time to text back and forth, but if the messages continues to be lackluster and mundane, it let’s me know something is off. And ladies I’m sure you understand this, especially when you know that same man can be very engaging with you and entertain a fun conversation with you. It’s like why are you holding back now? What is the change?

There’s a difference between being cordial and being genuine. You can be cordial with anyone, but most people are cordial towards those who they either do not know well, have a biased against, or have an issues with the person. And I notice when I get “cordial” responses from people.

Sometimes, I do send very heartfelt and endearing messages to my friends and when I do not get the same energy back, it is disappointing, but that does not cause me to stop being who I am, because I don’t know what that person is doing or thinking, it just would be nice to be acknowledge for my sentiments especially when I put genuine thoughts in my messages.

But let’s switch gears, have you ever held back from sharing your feelings about someone? Why? I understand it can be awkward to express your thoughts to someone you like and I also understand how someone can feel embarrassed if that person does not feel the same way, but what have you got to lose? We’re are all grown here.

I’ve told you guys before, I like men who have commands presence. Although, I did not always appreciate this, I’ll explain in a second. But now, I do applaud men who have the confidence to tell me they like me and even if I don’t feel the same way about them, they still know they are great with or without my confirmation. So let me reveal a story: Many years ago a previous lover said to me, “What if I want to love you?” and I never told him this, but I froze when I heard that. I did not know how to respond and I shook my head. But luckily, that did not keep him from having an interest in me and we remained lovers on and off for a period of time. But I think if I had a lover right now and we’ve gotten to know each other pretty well and he said that to me today, I’d have a much better response for him. I say this to say, I have been guilty of tiptoeing around my feelings for someone and holding back what I do and say towards someone I like. And even though I may still hold back a little, I do find myself being more vocal than I was those many years ago.

Some of my guy friends tease me about one of their friends who I used to be involved with. They do not do it as much as they used to because they know it bothers me a little bit, but they still have snide remarks and say things like both myself and the guy need to just hash out whatever we need to and get back on old terms with each other. Now, I don’t have those types of conversations with the guy, so I am not sure where the friends are getting these ideas from, but that man and I are both fully grown with big people responsibilities, I am sure that if we want to say something to each other, we’ll find a way to say it. That man actually popped up in my dream a few nights ago, I’m like what’s he doing in here? Usually, when people show up in my dreams, there’s something that is happening or go to happen that will affect me in some way OR there is something going on with them that’s affecting them that doesn’t even involve me. I shared with you all before, my dreams foretell things sometimes.

Anyway, have you heard that song by Jazmine Sullivan and Ari Lennox call “On It”? It’s about being forward with what a woman wants with a man. The song is sexual, but the underlying statement is telling a man exactly what you want him to do and what you want to do with him. Again, I do not have a current lover to practice this behavior with, but I am more comfortable with expressing what I like.

Even though I’m telling you guys not to be scared, I need to do the same thing and being more open with my feelings. Baby steps. For those of you who have been around here a while, you know I do not have a lot of experience with relationships and during the years where most people were going out and meeting various people, I was raising a family with my now ex. So I am a little behind with exploring different types of relationships and figuring out what works best for me with how my life is at the moment.

Be safe everyone.