“Sometimes people love the idea of you, but don’t actually love you.”

I had a conversation with someone the other day and he says: “Just because I think something is good, doesn't make it right.” - I thought that was such a great sentiment of self-awareness. We're human, so we lust and desire things, but it doesn't mean those things are good for us, let alone right for us.

Are you able to distinguish love and lust?

Lust is driven by physical attraction and desire for gratification. It is focused on the self and is often fleeting in nature, transient moments slip through our fingers like sand, leaving behind only memories etched in the heart.

Love, on the other hand, involves a deeper connection that goes beyond physical attraction. It encompasses care, respect, trust, and emotional intimacy. Love is enduring and involves a sense of commitment and mutual growth.

In summary, lust is temporary and self-centered, while love is long-lasting and involves a deep emotional bond between individuals. The difference between lust and love is explained through lived experiences. In the moment, you may think it’s love because you may have emotions attached to the person, but in hindsight you realize it was just an exaggeration of lust to lengthen your time of experience with someone because you desire them and not necessarily love them in a deeper capacity.

Lust:

• Immediate sensation driven by impulses. It can be a powerful feeling that makes you avoid common sense.

• Lust is typically transient and momentary. It thrives on the here and now, seeking instant gratification without concern for the future.

• The person you lust is an object of desire. You mainly focus on what they can provide and how they are willing or able to satisfy you.

• Lust is ego-centric. It’s more about fulfilling your own desires and needs. It is a self-centered emotion that does not necessarily consider the well-being or feelings of the other person.

• The feeling of lust is intense and consuming. It narrows your attention and makes you preoccupied with that desired person instead of looking at the bigger picture of if this person will a significant part of your future or not.

Love:

• Deep Connection: Love is more profound, beyond physical attraction. It encompasses emotional, intellectual, and sometimes spiritual bonds.

• There a Temporal Depth with love. Unlike how lust is like sand slipping through your fingers, love involves a past, present, and future, with a commitment to the other person that extends beyond the immediate moment.

• With love, you look at the person as a whole individual with their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. There is a mutual recognition and respect for each other's humanity.

• Love is other-centric. It involves a genuine concern for the other person's well-being and happiness. It includes acts of care, sacrifice, and selflessness, where the needs and desires of the other person is prioritized.

• The experience of love is steady and enduring even with the highs and lows of emotions. It may have moments of intensity similar to lust, but it is characterized by consistent feelings of an abiding connection. Even if you are not speaking to the person, you still have a sense of connection to them because you’ve invested into them more than just them being an object of lust and fun times.

Overall, Lust is an intense, immediate desire focused on physical gratification and the self, while love is more profound, with a deeper rooted connection that involves emotional and intellectual bonds, and considering the well-being of the other person.

Do you know the difference now?

There’s guys who are just the take home guys and then there’s guys who your momma would love. Some men think they are both, but in reality they are either one or the other. The person you lust, you may think they can meet your family, but do they really make a good impression of YOU? Remember, the company you keep say speak to the type of person you are because YOU made a decision to have the person around.

When we are in the moment with someone, we can confuse lust and love, and we end up blurring what we think is good at the moment with what is right for us. Remember the 25 year old from Chicago I mentioned a while back? His affinity for me was based on lust because we were not emotionally or intellectually aligned. That’s not to say he was not smart, he was very clever and business driven. However, his capacity of life only extends to his current maturity level, meaning that he still needs to experience more growth and character development.

Yet, there is a question of “Is there a point in our lives where we plateau in our growth?” I think it’s between our late 30s and early 50s that we sort of settle into who we are. We are still learning and experiencing new things and maybe changing some of our ways of thinking, but we’ve also reach a steadiness in how we move and live our lives that is best suited for our health and well-being. We subconsciously developed a standard of what we will and will not accept. — Although, I cannot speak for everyone, because I know people in their late 40s and 50s who are still moving recklessly and acting like it’s not making them look a certain type of way. I also think being able to understand is being open to hearing and taking accountability of what you’ve done and making an effort to adjust. Which brings me back to knowing the difference between lust and love.

Don’t let lust make you a fool and have you thinking it’s something more than just what it is, because love has its battles that extends over time. Love isn’t easy. You can go to war against someone you love and still come through the other side with a new perspective of each other and find new ways to communicate with each other and be in each others lives. When you go to war against someone you lust, there is no resolution or understanding. It more of an unhealthy cycle, either the person appeals to what you want and you continue to entertain them, or they stand on what they want and eventually one of you or both of your get tired of the cycle and in time the two of you fade out of eachothers lives and become distant memories. With those people, if and when you think of them, you may think “Yeah, that was fun, but I’m still glad it’s over.”

This may be an unpopular opinion, but some of your broken or failed relationships were based on lust that may have had ideas of love, but was never really love. This is not the same as when love fades because that happens. People do grow apart, but the people you loved and grew apart from still remain in your thoughts in some way. You may wonder if they are doing okay, or how their family is, or if they still go to the same places, or if they’ve reached the goals they once told you about, or when you hear their name, your heart flickers a little, or when you see them, you don’t know exactly what to say because there’s so many thoughts going through your head about them. That’s how you know they still have a piece of your heart.

Lust fades, it comes and goes, it’s superficial, it’s fun, it’s exciting. Love is the same, but it has its frustrations, and confusions, and misunderstands, but the person still stays on your mind and gives you various feelings then you see them or think of them. Does this make sense? This may be something you just need to think more about to yourself and decide if you really understand the parameters of love and lust, because both do involve emotions and feelings, one just runs deeper and transcends over time.

Be safe everyone.