“I want to be led, not misled.”

I ran into a friend over the weekend. He’s one of my dearest friends. I’ve always seen him to be a sensible man and very reserved, good father, good husband, very caring, I’ve never heard any crazy stories about him…other than his college years, but I heard crazy stories about all of them during their college years. But with him, and I could be very wrong…I mean, I have been wrong about people before 😒, but with him I feel like he left his college years in college and even though he may still hang out with the group every now and then, he doesn’t get lost his any decisions that will make him look bad or that he’s trying to relive certain moments of his life. I feel like with all of my guy friends who like to be out and be around various women, he rather be home with his family. I’ve always felt comfortable around him ever since I first met him. I’m saying all this to say that I do have guys friends who don’t partake in all the extracurricular activities outside the house, again, I could be wrong, but I’ve never seen that side of him. And if I ever hear anyone say anything bad about him, I’ll punch them in the throat.

Anyway, I bumped into him when I was stepping out for a little, he was in town visiting some family and we decided to catch up. We talked about various things and he asked me about my dating life. I ended up telling him about my new friend and he had a few follow up questions, which I did not mind answering. I told him that I am not rushing into anything and that I still needed to be focused on school, work, and family. My friend comforted me and let me know there was nothing wrong with that and that it’s best to put those things first and told me that if the guy didn’t understand, then he’s not it. I appreciated hearing that. I didn’t go into all the details about the new friend, but I did say that he seems to be doing everything right at the moment. Then my friend tells me, “Well, you’re not going anywhere and we’re not letting you go (meaning our group of friends), so if you’re going to keep this guy around he’s eventually going to come across us.” - I am nowhere near that point yet, because one thing about this group, anyone new that’s coming around us has to adjust to us and how we move, we’re not adjusting them, man or woman. Because there’s a certain decorum with this group and if you don’t fit into it, the you’re only welcome when you’re with one of us. But this may not even happen with the guy because this is still new and he may get impatient with me and have another woman who isn’t as focused as I am.

Then my friend asked me what I do like in a man and without hesitation, I said, I like a man who takes control 🫦. I don’t mind a man who goes with the flow and tries to match my mood, but every now and then I like for a man tell me what I want or tell me what to do. I told him that I’m very headstrong and I have conditioned my life to be very independent that it’s nice when a man takes the wheel and makes the decisions for me. Still be a gentleman, but also make me feel wanted, still be gentle with me, but let me know in some type of way that you got me🔒. Even though I’m at a level in life where I attract high caliber men, I’m still a prize too. I’m a great catch too. And I like when a man identifies that and makes it clear that I am in his favor.

Say if my new friend and I become involved and he becomes my lover, there’s a difference in asking “Are you coming with me?” vs. “You’re coming with me.” Asking me can be very open-ended, whereas telling me is letting me know what you want and what I am going to do. It’s the same when giving me a compliment, giving me a generic compliment doesn’t get me, but giving me a compliment that speaks to that fact you’ve been paying attention to the things I do or say is more unique. I had a man once criticize me because I took a picture and had one of my luxury accessories in the picture, making it seem like I was doing to much. But when I showed another man a similar picture, he complimented how I took it and how nice the picture was. It was almost like the first guy just wanted to take away from me when the other person wanted to pour into me. - *And you have to recognize when people are doing this, man or woman. When people really support you, they’re not going to find ways to break you down. I like for a man to say something that catches my heart. Say something so sweet to me that my bra undoes itself. Say something to me that makes me look at you with admiration..or makes me want you right in that moment. 😼

Even how a man says hi to me can make a difference. I don’t like being called pretty girl or babygirl, evening being called Ms. Raya throws me off a little. Some of my guy friends do it, I don’t say anything because I know that’s just they’re normal vernacular, but I don’t much care for it. But I do love for a man to see me walking towards me, give a big smile and say, “Hey, beautiful.” ✨️ As simple as that is, especially if I have something with you or I’m interested in you, I love that. Like take control of my mood, make me feel like no matter what we’re doing, you are going to make sure I enjoy my time with you. Come collect me, come take me, even if I put up a little fight, don’t get scared of me, I’m just not used to a man taking control, so be that man.

Some of the guy friends I hang out with have this nature about them, of course since they are only my friends, there’s a limit they can go with me, but if they sense that I’ve had too many drinks, they won’t let me drive. Or if they sense I am uncomfortable, they’ll come to my side. No matter how independent I am, I’m still a woman, I still want to feel safe, be protected, and cared for. And I would love a partner who does that for me. Don’t tiptoe around it, tell me you want me, tell me I’m yours, tell me no one else can have me like you have me. Take control, because who’s leading this, me or you? 🙃

Be safe everyone.