“If you don’t want to love me tomorrow, tell me today.”

I really enjoyed writing about this topic and getting your input on it. And I’m starting to learn that men are using what I’m saying here to go back and use in the women they are involved with to influence them into thinking in a way that more benefits the man. You all need to be shamed! And which one of you ladies are not picking up on this hack?! You should be shamed too!

So what is a “Situationship”? This term has sort of replace the idea of a casual relationship. A situationship by definition means: a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established. (I’m sort of taken back this is in Google’s dictionary).

Mainly, it’s a person that you spend time with, treat differently from your other friends, and have sex with. It’s the makings of a relationship, but it’s not an actual committed relationship, like there’s no talks of living together, having babies or getting a pet. If you guys hang out together somewhere, you may look like a couple, but when asked, you just say you’re just friends. But there are also scenarios of people being in a situationship and could be on opposite ends of the room, but still end up together later on in the evening. And the reason for this is so that people don’t make assumptions. One of my previous lovers was a “Situationship” so I know what one looks like and feels like. There can be a lot of emotional blurriness. And there were times where I felt like he threw in the towel and left me hanging out to dry. That hurt. A lot. But as time passed my vision got clearer. We’re not going to get into all that, just know that my heart has been broken by a man who was my lover, but not my man. And I am not embarrassed to admit that.

Several of you get your input on how to identify a situationship:

• Hotel Room Hook-Ups (possible “Sneaky Link”)

• You’re only going to one person’s house

• You only speak on certains days or at certain times

• You do not introduce each other as your girlfriend/boyfriend

• You do not spend major holidays together

• You’ve not met their family (parents, kids, etc.)

• One or both of you are Married (I think this one is a big indicator you’re in a situationship)

• No one has said “I love you” (I’m not sure about this one, I said “I Iove you” to my situationship guy and he said it to me too.)

• S/He doesn’t acknowledge you or he tried to avoid interacting with you too much in public. (possible “Sneaky Link”)

• You’ve not been on an official date.

• You don’t talk about a future together.

• One of you says “Let’s just see how this goes.”

Situationships CAN work just as good as normal relationships as long as there is full understanding from both parties. I also think situationship can become relationships and relationships can turn into situationships. I have a friend who is currently upset with me because he feels I am an interference to his alleged situationship. Although, this is not confirmed information because he claims nothing is going on with anyone while she is singing a different tune 🙄. But, let me not be facetious, I don’t want to seem like I’m being dismissive of his feelings, if he’s upset, he has the right to his emotions or if he’s upset because someone else is upset then that’s another factor for him to work through. Again, I'm not trying to be impartial to his feelings, I’m just not going to avoid rationale.

Here’s a token for all of you: If your mere presence makes other people uncomfortable, Baby, that's not a you problem, that's a them problem. Men are obscure sometimes and they can also be sensitive about things and not know how to handle pressure, give them time and patience. I was raised by a man and I’m the eldest of my siblings, I always had to be strong and keep a poker face. But I’ve cried in front of men before, actually I left an emotional voicemail for someone the other day. I didn’t intend to get emotional, I just wanted to share clarity, but as I keep talking and thinking about different scenarios, I just start bawling. A few hours after I left the message, I kept think, Oh goodness, this person is going to hear it, think I’m a loser and be cold hearted about it. But again, nothing I am ashamed to admit doing because sometimes we have to be that person who wants things to be better and in order to do that, sometimes we need to make the first step and do things we normally would not do...that’s just my conscious and spirit talking just in case any of you are having a little rocky moment with someone.

Anyways, Situationships can be great or they can be ummm not so great. It’s all on how to start it, maintain it, and end it that determines its value. Because I do not plan to get married again, I have to be realistic about possible relationships or situationships. So it’s best to start with your deal breakers, then your standards, and then feel out who marks off those checkboxes. But keep in mind, people are not perfect and they are unpredictable, so not everyone will check off every box, or if they do in the beginning, they may not mark off those same boxes at the end.

I think that’s why more and more people are getting into these Situationships because the level of commitment is different. What are your thoughts?