“Being good in your spirit translates to being good in your intentions.”

🚫 There will not be any personal updates or follow-up on this post. 🚫

Do you guys go to church? I am not a devout religious person, but I do listen to church sermons online. I used to go in-person, but ever since COVID, I tend to get weary of being in large groups in a confined space. But today’s message really resonated with me - isn’t it funny when a message hits you during time relative circumstances are happening? This message was about forgiveness and repairing the love in your heart. We’ve all probably gotten a few lessons about this in our lifetime whether it was through church or other avenues.

Forgiveness is a process of healing even when you didn’t even realize you needed to heal. Forgiveness is for you. And the other part of it is letting go of holding on to the pain or using that pain to stay guarded and not being open to moving forward. So there is a particular scenario that literally occured in the last 24 hours that related to this message. I have been avoiding a particular person for several months now. Anytime I see this person, I don’t acknowledge them, I don’t say anything and I make it a point too keep a large distance from this person. Is this healthy? Maybe in the first month or two, but we probably should have broken the ice way before now. And I was encouraged to extend the olive branch.

Of course I had some hesitations because all I can recall is what this person last said to me and the image of their actions afterwards 🫤. So me deciding to close myself off from this person was for self preservation; I needed time. I was hurt. Although, the reality is, this person and I are continually linked because of the common people in our lives. I don’t want things to be awkward. So I had to come to terms that if I am really going to improve anything with this person, then I really need to let go of the past, meaning I am ready to let go of things that were said and done and not use any of it against this person in order to move forward 💞. Something we all should be aware of is that part of moving forward is hashing out the differences so you can develop a new understanding of people. This may require having those hard conversations, which I am open to having. You kind of have to let it all out to let it all go. ❤️‍🩹

So what I ended up doing was making a phone call because I initially felt that a text message may be misconceived. I ended up leaving a voicemail which ended up me being all over the place so I just decided, “Fck, I’ll send a text.” At this point I do not know it this person will respond or be receptive, but I did make the attempt for reconciliation. To give a clearer picture, the person is a man. And men are not naturally vocal or expressive when it comes to discussing hurt emotions 🤷🏽‍♂️. And there’s no amount of soft-parenting that can help create more emotionally expressive boys, it’s just an element of their DNA and genes. Men just don’t like to talk about certain things like how women do. And I’ve realized over that years that I am not great at expressing my emotions either 🤦🏽‍♀️. I harbor things and I just deal with them privately. I don’t know if it’s because I was raised by a man, but my father is the same way and I have a lot of dominant traits when communicating with people. But I want to be more emotionally intelligent and be very clear of my intentions with people. I do not want to keep practicing unhealthy habits. And with this guy, I feel a reset is a start. He may not feel the same and not even respond, and I’ll be okay with that too because my heart is lighter now that I made the attempt. ✨️

When you try to reconcile with people, both of you have to be willing to acknowledge and let go the the issues that were between you. If I’m the only one who is willing and he is not, then it won’t work. And if he does not respond, I still need to keep positive and still let go of the issues on my own and only keep good memories I shared with him, because even if he is not receptive, I still need to forgive the pain - for myself. 💗

We have to understand that there may be times that you are the only one who wants to change and improve, so that’s what you keep doing. I don’t want anything heavy on my heart, I don’t want anything heavy on my soul and if I am going to keep affirming that I am a good person, then I know I need to take a step forward, even if I’m the only one taking that step. If any of you are experiencing or have experienced something similar, all I can say is letting go is just the start, repairing is a process, and there may be times that you revert back to those bad memories or feelings, but you have to be vocal when that happens so that the person you are resetting with can identify what they may be doing to affect you. I’m not saying this is easy, not even in my situation, I’m just saying to be prepared to open and vulnerable so that you don’t fall back into the same issues. We want to develop and maintain healthy connections, it won’t be perfect the whole time, but we have to be conscious of the things we do and say when we are making an attempt to reconcile.

Be safe everyone. 🥰

🚫 There will not be any personal updates or follow-up on this post. 🚫

➡️ In other news, who's ready for RDJ to be Doctor Doom? 🤯