“If I am giving a part of myself to you, take care of that part.”

I think all of us women at one point or another has dealt with a man who really thought he was different or making a difference or felt that he was the best we’ve ever been with when really we were just feeding his ego…I know I’ve had a few experiences of that.

Men can have very fragile egos and sometimes a woman’s attention appease that ego. I think this comes from the idea of the older generation women telling us to cater to men and keep him happy, but there’s holes to that way of thinking. Yes, if you are in a committed relationship, you should do things to make your partner happy as they should be doing the same. But in today’s society, the constructs of those types of relationships have faded. It’s more about instant gratification and what makes us happy in right now and in the moment. In which case, should women still be catering to men who aren’t willing to be consistent with us? I’ll let you decide on that for yourselves.

Intimacy

In the realm of intimacy; it the connection of minds and spirit. Having an intimate relationship with someone does not necessarily mean you are having a physical relationship with someone. Honestly, I rather prefer these types of relationships. I rather be linked to a man’s mind than a man’s….ummm, well you know. I rather sit on the couch together and talk about our day, or go grab a drink or something to eat and learn new things about each other. In fact, this perfectly describes that male friendships I have now. And because our connections are close, people on the outside usually assume that I am in a romantic relationship with them. And I can see how it looks. No, my fellas have a piece of my heart, but nothing else.

Sex

Here is what you all want to hear about. A friend made a comment about people in their early 20’s about being highly experienced in the bed and mentioned that may translate them to being very promiscuous. He used the term “whore” and “loose” but, we are not judging over here. I’ve not had a lot of partners, but I’m also not inexperienced. Although, I do still turn a little red when a man says something sexual to me or makes a suggestive remark at me. I’m more of a sensual person, I want to look into your soul - I have been told I have great eye contact in conversations. I don’t like anything quick, I like for a man to listen to my body and learn my body. You know that little jackrabbit move you guys do sometimes during sex? Ummm, many of us women don’t like that. It may feel good to you, but it’s not really doing anything for us. And not every woman’s body is the same and that’s why you have to pay attention to her movements and sounds. But ladies, when a man isn’t pleasing us how we like, do you say something? Some of you ladies have said that you don’t mention anything because of a man’s fragile ego. If that’s the issue, how do we tell these men what we do and don’t like? Fellas, we’ll need you to chime in on this one. How do we become better lovers if we don’t say anything? I don’t want to be the only one pleasing you.

When I’m involved with someone (sidebar: I used the term “involved” a lot instead of saying being in a relationship because my thoughts on relationships are not traditional and I do not want to downplay anyone’s definition of a relationship), when I am involved, I like when a man does simple touches when we are out somewhere. For instance, putting his hand on my thigh under the table or holding my hand while we are sitting in conversation, kissing my cheek or forehead, things like that. I’m not one who likes public displays of affection. I’ve alway preferred a veil of discretion. I like signals and codes that only my lover and I understand. And that draws back to the intimacy element. I like having an unspoken language with my partner. There’s no need to put ourselves on display for people we know. If we are away on a personal trip where it’s just us, I am a little more open to showing public affections. I’ve been referencing mature men a lot lately, and I’ve noticed more mature tend to think the same. Small affections make more of a difference. Do you agree?

Speaking of maturity, I have a friend who has a PhD in psychology and every now and then we exchange wits. She is doing research in how people of a certain age rationalize being in relationships with people who are exteremently younger than them. She is using a 15-20 year age gap as a base. In here words, she said “Imagine graduating college and being interested in a toddler. Her reference is a bit extreme, but she’s trying to make a point (Do any of my readers/listeners fit this shoe? Maybe you should be part of her case study). Her research will be a little radical and it will include people who have inappropriate relationships with those under 18, so I know she is going to touch on a lot of sensitive factors. She is trying to uncover the thought processes of people who have these large age gaps in their relationships, whether the other person is over 18 or under 18. She believes that the older people think the same ways when they are defending their choices. She is tying in the frontal cortex of the brain where those types of decisions, thoughts, and actions are developed. My friend thinks that there is a lapse or an infliction with that part of the brain that makes people believe they are being appropriate. I can’t wait to see what she comes up with.

But back to our original topic. Yes, you should please your partner and your partner should be pleasing you too. I have experienced times when a man I was with wasn’t listening to my body. I would try to tell him what I like and he either didn’t understand or didn’t grasp what he was doing. So fellas, PLEASE LISTEN TO OUR BODIES.

Be safe everyone.