“When you take the easy way, you end up taking a longer route. - Read that again.”

Recently, several of my friends have been inquiring about my love life, asking me if I’m currently seeing anyone, what exactly I want in a relationship, and why being single has become my preference. One of my guy friends actually mentioned that I keep running, and I took a moment to reflect on it, I began to think that he might partially be right. I find myself caught in the middle of wanting something easy and enjoyable, while also wanting a more complicated challenge at the same time, but let me be clear about this: I do not want the type of challenge that keeps secrets from me, or the kind that gaslights me when I ask questions, and I certainly don’t want anything that makes me feel foolish or leaves a hole in my heart. I want a challenge that is genuine and fulfilling and makes me want to be the best partner for him.

I was telling another friend that I developed this paradigm that loose women don’t get good blessings. Which is why I’m not out here just giving my goods to anyone. And I would not entirely agree that I am running, but I am very cautious and intune with what may fulfill me and what may stress me. I know I mentioned in a previous topic that I am not normal, so my relationships can’t be normal either. Normal won’t keep me happy, normal won’t surprise me. And I also mention that someone suggested a cuddle buddy, which I am not opposed to, but again, I will need some upfront understanding of what I will and will not accept. And I am open to hearing his boundaries too. I don’t know where the line is if you don’t tell me. Also, my other criteria is that my lover has to be in my weight class or above it. I know I made this reference before and I account it for men too.

When you deal with someone in your weight class and you are transparent with what you want, there’s less issues because you are on similar wavelengths. Someone below your weight class is going to want more of you or more that what you are willing to give. They may be subtle about it at first, but eventually their need for you perpetuates beyond what you’re comfortable with. *But I need to mention that you may have this problem with anyone if you are not clear with your boundaries, even someone in your weight class can be an issue if you do not communicate effectively.

It’s very similar to the 80/20 rule. I’ve not highlighted this in a long time, but lets give it its own space. You’ve got someone who gives you 80%, but with people, especially with men they run after the 20% because it’s new, it’s fresh, it’s exciting. But that 20% isn’t fulfilling you like the 80% does and men tend to be the main ones who try to defend that 20% decision. No baby, its making you foolish and you can’t even see it. But if you need that 20% don’t showcase it like it’s 100%. This may go over some of your heads. - Don’t be mad a me, be mad at yourself for wanting to keep that clown nose on.

But what does this 80/20 rule mean for someone like me who has a lot of other things to focus on than a relationship? I’m lover girl true and true. I want to love on people and I love loving on someone and I have mentioned that I need to work on how I express my affections, but I do like having companionship. I like being able to have a conversation with someone and they give me feedback that’s articulate and insightful. I like spending time with someone who makes me laugh and makes me feel seen and appreciated. But with a romantic connection, I want the person to know and feel that I care, but I also want them to know that I have a few goals right now that I am working on and that I am not always going to be accessible or be the best company when I’m in my zone.

If we are spending time together, I am going to give you my 100%, but you cannot expect that all day everyday from me. I just can’t do it. And I cannot have someone who needs that much of me all the time. But when I’m in front of you and we are putting other things aside for the moment, then I am loving all of you. And if I cook for you, oh I really love you. Food is one of my ways I express gratitude. Even if you are just my friend, if I make you something from my kitchen, then you have a place in my heart. So I really don’t know what perspective this is in regards to the 80/20 rule, I just know if you take time to invest in me or someone like me then you are going to have a great return. And if anyone knows anything about investing and the stock market, you know it’s full of highs and lows, but if the goal is to get to know me, be in my life, and experience things with me, then you are going to continue to take your time with me.

I’m not easy, people like me are not easy. I have opinions, I have ambitions, I work hard, I’m smart, but I also have a sensitive heart because people like me have become so independent due to being disappointed by people we thought we could trust. So when I say you have to take your time, I really need you to think on that. And yes, it may seem like we’re running, we just can never tell who’s really by us or who is just using us for their own convenience and thrills.

Be safe everyone.