“Be mindful of how you look at your friend’s companion.”

Ladies, let’s talk. When you are introducing a man of interest to your friends and one of them asks, “Does he have a brother?” What do you think about that? I had this discussion with my group of girlfriends and got mixed responses. Some felt that if a friend is asking if a man has a brother then that is a compliment to the man because he shows qualities that a woman wants in her companion. BUT, on the other side of this, some of the ladies stated that it raises concern because the thought is you are attracted to your friend’s guy and want someone like him — so is there a possibility that your friend will go after the man you like? What do you think ladies?

I do not recall any scenario where a friend was just as attracted to a guy I was with. My friends maybe like the guy for me, but still had their own preferences in men. I guess my friends and I have different tastes in men or at the very least don’t take interest in a man that one of our friends is interested in. But I have observed that when there is limited options for reputable men, there is an increase of more women interested in him. — My take on this is TRAVEL ladies!!! A man may be the highlight of one town, but mediocre in another city, state, and country. There are great men everywhere, don’t limit yourself to your friend’s guy or one of his relatives, explore the world.

Although for certain women, no matter where they go, the pool of men is very small and shallow. My aunt actually explained this to me. She says the more well rounded and educated a woman is, the less likely she will find a partner who meets her needs. The is mainly due to having elevated critical thinking skills and competency. Critical thinking is the ability to interpret, evaluate, and analyze facts and information that are available, to form a judgment or decide if something is right or wrong. When women are great at critical thinking, it’s hard for a man bullshit around with her, even if the relationship is casual. She may not mention the issues, but rest assured she identified them. Some men are like this too. My brain is more wired to breakdown and process words, behaviors, and emotions. I observe sounds, smells, body language, how people express themselves, the cadences with their speech patterns and I collect all that data and mentally create a personal profile of that person. — Yes, this is exactly why my friends call me a nerd. My friends tell me that when I’m quiet, I’m observing. — They’re not wrong.

But back to my original thought, I have never looked at my friends boyfriends, husbands, or lovers the same way they look at them, so I would never seriously ask if he has a brother. I may mention that if he is a good man, then he has other good men in his circle that helped shape who he is, because I no doubt believe you are as good as the company you keep. Even who you entertain can speak to your character. I have many different people in my life, for instance when I sit at my favorite bar, there’s a diverse amount of people I speak to — all of them have great traits, but I rarely spend time with them outside of that environment, they are bar friends. I also have business friends who I do not converse with outside of work obligations, then there a group of elderly men who get together every morning at the coffee shop I like to go to and I only speak with them when I am there. I say this to say that I do not have people who are integrated in all parts of my life, even people who have known me for 10 or 20 plus years, they may hear me talk about my other experiences, but they are not directly part of it. But all of them are still a reflection of me in some way because I chose to befriend them. My sister, who I am close to has even mentioned, “Yeah, I don’t know what your life is like when you’re not around me.”

It’s funny, my sister and I have common personality traits, like we are both very driven and care for people and want to achieve high levels of success, but how we go about those thing are vastly different. Even with men, she more likes the dark chocolate, bearded, with a very manly demeanor, close to her age or younger, and has an active lifestyle and maybe dresses in sports gear or fancy street labels. Where I more like the light to fair skinned pretty boys who may have a goatee, is older, finds solitude in being laid-back and dresses modestly. The last time my sister and I were hanging out, she was telling the guys who approached me that I like smart and distinguished gentlemen. So there has never been any scenarios where we were attracted to each other’s choice of men.

But I think having a difference in taste of men from your friends affirms that you have a diverse group of people in your life or even where you are all at in life. I can admit that the 3 men that you readers love to hear about anytime I mention them, I was at different phases of my life when I was involved in them. There may have been a time in my life where I could have like the same type of guys my sister now likes, but that time has came and went and only 1 of the 3 men almost fit all the attributes that my sister is interested in. I am definitely not the same woman I was when I was with that particular man and all of my friends are at various stages in life, so their interest are more reflective of the types of men who align with them. So what would it say about me if I want someone who is just like the man my friend is involved with? But ladies, what do you think? Have you ever been attracted to someone your friend or family member was with? How did it play out? Did you find yourself being more friendly to the man or interest in knowing more about him? Personally, I think that can create issues with you and your friend, so I don’t even think to take interest in anyone’s lover, boyfriend, or husband other than how they are treating my friend or loved one. There’s too many men out here to do all that.

Be safe everyone.