“The Luxury of Your Life is How You See it Fit.”

One of you sent me a message and said, “Being single is a luxury.” I thought about it for a little and, Yes, I agree there is some truth to that statement. There is an element of freedom when you are single. You do not have any emotional obligation to anyone. You can make decision that fits you and you are not appealing to anyone’s comfort. Although, the single life does come with your own financial responsibilities. There’s no other parties funding your lifestyle (we’ll unless you are one of those people who accept monetary contributions), but ideally, single people figure things out on their own. I like my single life and I’ve crafted it to me.

A friend of mine recently asked me why I don’t bring any men around our group of friends. I told him that the friendships I have are very unique and I highly value them and because of that I do not want to change those connections that I have with them. I told my friend that we don’t adjust to those outside our group, they have to adjust to us and if I feel a man who I may be interested in can’t adjust to the connections I have with my friends then I am not bringing him around. There’s a level of loyalty and respect I have for the people I value, and I am not going to introduce someone to my people if they do not align with my other connections. I am firm on this and if a man isn’t willing to understand, I am completely okay with him walking away.

There is a power to being single and being comfortable with being single. I enjoy being able to come and go as I please without anyone having an issue with how I move. It’s similar to loving your own company and loving that fact you can do things by yourself without the need of someone doing it with you. I take myself to dinners, I take myself on trips, I take myself anywhere I want to go or do without having a fear of being alone. In fact, I’ve been able to meet some great people this way because I was not confined to someone. Being this type of person also has to do with your level of confidence. How can I be that b*tch if I can’t do anything on my own? Or if I always need someone to depend on or refer to before making a decision for myself? It the same with men. - Fellas, how can you be that dude if you always need someone with you to do anything?

It’s kind of like needing an emotional support person to help you be comfortable. Can you emotionally afford to be single? Even when I want to be around people, 95% of the time, I come out alone, and then I leave or go home alone. I don’t need a shadow or someone right by my side at all times. If being single is a luxury, then I’ll take it.

I love men. Most of my friends are men. I love the companionship that men can bring, but as I’ve been able to navigate different relationships, I’ve noticed a few revelations with men…. most men today wanted to be courted as if they are the woman. They want all the focus on them and get bothered or start acted distant towards you when you have other obligations in your life or when you need to shift focus on other things. Or they may start assuming another man has your interest (sounds like something women do, right?) Like a said, some of these men today are adopting a lot of feminine qualities.

But, I’ve also noticed that mature men are fully aware of their actions and won’t get defensive when you point out their unfavorable behaviors, while other men will get sassy with you and start deflecting the issues towards you. The last thing I identified in men is that they will treat you based on how they feel about you and this can change at an instant without any notice, explanation or warning. I think I already said this before, men don’t like to have emotionally heavy conversations especially if they feel a woman will get upset. It’s not naturally in their DNA to open up, express their feelings and say “We need to talk.” It may be nerve racking, but that’s just how they are. Although, not to be completely despondent towards the men, there are some who will have those hard conversations with you. These types of men are alright in my book. Even just making the effort to hear me out is valued even if he doesn’t have much to say and just taking it all in to think about it. Men and women complicated beings separately and combining those complications can be frustrating when trying to find a common ground. Friendships can be like this too.

No, not all of us can afford to be single or alone and not all of us can adopt to not having a companion. If you need to have someone, that’s okay, but they have to need to have you too. Otherwise, you are going to go through a battle to try to pull them out of their ways when they don’t want to.

Be safe everyone.