“We cannot always hold people to their indiscretions.”

I want to share this anyone who has been slighted by someone they used to be fond of.

I was speaking to a dear friend recently, we were reflecting on good times that have been shared and then he stated to me that he hates how things play out between me and someone we both know. I responded to him with…

Sweetheart, I know you’ve not been privy to all the information and all the intricate details. One day I may speak my part, but not today. Only two people in the circle has seen me at my rawest emotions with different struggles. I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m amazing. I’m thriving. I’m happy. I’m blessed. And we only move forward and only look in the review for reminders.

After our short discussion, I reflected on my experiences with the mentioned person where for so long I was kept in the dark about a vital piece of information. Information to which if I had known, many events, feelings, and decisions would not have happened. And yet, I was made to feel like I was the one who was constantly wrong. And also reflected on how the person treated me and the words they said before and after the news was revealed to me. It’s like I never really knew this person at all. I don’t have any hate in my heart and I moved passed wanting to know “WHY?” with anything. I actually feel indifferent about this person now, which is a weird feeling for someone I once felt very warm towards. It’s almost like this person is a stranger, now that I’ve been made aware of several things that was not presented to me for so long. Again, I have no hate in my heart and the people that this person and I share in common have a very special place in my heart. I love seeing them and catching up with them. They’ve never waivered me or made me feel unimportant. They have always placed a barrier of protection over me and for that, I am forever grateful. And my indifference towards the person I once knew will not affect how I care for those people.

I know I keep bringing this up, but this confirmation of my growth and peace. If I run into this person, I’ll still be kind. I’ll be delicate and ladylike, just as if it was my first time meeting this individual. I cannot predict how this person may behave, react, or receive me. Or if this person will be dismissive or slander me to those around. I surely don’t expect this person to protect me since that has been revealed recently. But hey, that’s not on me. It’s not proper for me beseech someone to act in valor.

I also previously told my friend that the person had their own reason for acting and saying what they did. The person also had their own reasons for keeping me in the dark about important information. I am unclear of those reasons as several of those in the same circle are unclear too. But again, that’s not on me and the friends who are aware of the matter agree. Yet, I am not sharing this to revel in it, because no one in the circle has spoken poorly of the person including myself, and I don’t bring anything up unless they ask. Even then I am tight lipped about what I share.

I’ve made a conscious decision to be above it. What’s been done cannot be undone. What’s been said cannot be unsaid. The only action is what I told my friend, “…we only move forward and only look in the rear view for reminders.” And not a reminder of pain and disappointment, but a reminder of what’s come from the experience and being grateful of the lessons learned from it. Like I said, I don’t know how this person will receive me if we run into each other, but I’ll stay delicate and hope for a proper and good interaction. I mean, I loved this person at one point, there still a little love there, it’s just not the same.

We cannot always hold people to their indiscretions. Therefore, we cannot always expect the worst or even the best from them. All we can do is be generous, not engage in gossip, not to pass prejudgements, not be venomous, and keep an open mind to people. Who they were yesterday may not be who they are today and tomorrow. That’s the surprise in life. Expect the unexpected and change is always inevitable. Take a deep breath, think of those who love you and have always shared their careness towards you.

For the Ladies, anytime I am tussling through my mind, I like to soak in a Lavender and Milk bath after getting a mani/pedi. I do a facial scrub and I put on a calming playlist, and then I just breathe. Fellas, I don’t know what helps you to decompress, but some of my close friends have said that having a boys gathering, like a kickback at someone house where you just sit and talk about various things helps bring out the better versions of yourself and keeps you reminded of how making good choices with people impacts the trajectory of your surroundings.

I hope sharing this helps some of you.

Be safe everyone.