“Men of good sense know the difference between a valued woman vs. a temporary woman.” - Que

One of my guy friends and I had a heart to heart about a few things. I’ve know him about 10 years now and we catch up about about once a week. We’ll talk for maybe 30-45 mins, just catching up and discussion various topics and since we don’t live in the same area, we video chat each other. I enjoy my conversations with him, it’s never superficial, and we feed off each other’s intelligence and cleverness. So the day he called me, it was about 1 hour after I published the last post, so my emotions were still high. When I answered his call, he instantly knew something was up. Now, even though he is a very trusted friend, I still don’t not share too much of my personal life that doesn’t involve the person I am speaking to, does that make sense to you all?

He asked me what was going on and I was reluctant to tell him anything because I did not want him to be too concerned about me. This friend, we’re going to call him “Que” has become really fond of me and cares a lot for my happiness and well-being. So I ended up telling him about the topic I just posted up and gave him a little background detail. He was already somewhat familiar of my history with the person and the friends I have in common with the person. I also admitted that my feelings were hurt from different situations with the person and that it makes me sad to think about it. Que applauded me for admitting to that because even he knows I am not very vulnerable with my feelings. He also knows me enough that hurt feelings won’t weigh me down, but I just may need a moment to process them through and he just caught me in that moment when he called. Que is also aware that within that friend circle, no matter what they know, seen, or have been told over the years, they do not treat me any different, they still handle me the same. And I think that speaks highly to their character.

So with the information Que already knew and the information I had just given him, he told me to remember what I’m trying to do. What he meant by that is for me to not get lost in whatever the issue is that it takes me away from what I am trying to accomplish personally and professionally. He advised me not to be around people who are not only reckless with me, but also reckless with their own decisions. And since Que is aware that I have an abundance of male friends, he warns me to be mindful of how people on the outside may see me. Even though my friendships are innocent, he doesn’t want me to put myself in a predicament where people do not take me seriously or misjudge me because of the types of men I am around.

He did said that there are places men take their wives and the women they care about and there’s a decorum on how you act when you are in those place, and then there’s places men take their toys (if you get what I am saying) and those toys do not always know how to adhere to the appropriate decorum. Que said that the way I carry myself, I do not want to be in the the places where tasteless things are being done.

Now to be fair, Que does put me on a high pedestal and over the years he’s heard me talk about my professional goals. He wants me to protect my reputation. His position on this is that he doesn’t want me to diminished my hard work just to be labeled as “that girl who was with that guy” or “that girl who’s always with those men”. And I completely understand what he’s saying. You never know who you will need to interact with, so you want to be seen as someone who can be trusted and held at a high regard.

And I definitely don’t want to be labeled as a woman who’s doesn’t know how to handle business or is not well versed in many worldly topics. And Que knows my confidence is not easily affected. He knows that no matter how someone may mishandle me, that I will still come out on the other side even better. He said people who really have good hearts end up regretting how they treat people and if they really want to be better people, they make changes within themselves.

I’ve always told you all, I am not perfect. None of us are, but we have to learn from mistakes and bad decisions otherwise we are just going to continue to leave a trail of damage behind us. I don’t want to be know for that, so I do my best to practice self-awareness. Even when I am being wronged, I am still aware enough to process my decisions in the matter. I am smart, I am beautiful, I do intimate men and women, and people do get insecure when I am present, but that is not something that should influence me to act disgracefully. I am a woman of distinction. I am admired and I am loved. Anyone who does not agree or see that doesn’t really know me.

So ladies and gentlemen, never forget your value even if you are sad about something. And to affirm everything Que talked to me about, don’t forget the goals you set for yourself. Don’t let someone else’s poor choices hinder your behavior. And when it comes to how the world may see you, you don’t ways need to defend your stance, but protect your reputation even if all you do is say nothing and just show people what class looks like.

Be safe everyone.