“Popularity doesn't give you the same peace as solidarity.”

I only have 3 social media accounts: LinkedIn, Instagram, and Facebook. I use each platform for different purposes. LinkedIn is of course for work, school, and business related content. Instagram is just for fun and passing the time. Facebook is for family and people I grew up with. But with each platform, I see so much criticism, judgment, and just pure hate. I don’t entertain or join into any of than nonsense, but I always wonder what drives a person to just outwardly say nasty or disheartening things to other people? Like, you just wake up and choose to be mad? WHY? The the interesting thing is people who are like this most of the time live completely different lives than the people they dislike.

And really, it’s no different in our actual lives too. Have you ever encountered people who don’t like you for things that you have no control of? What I have experienced more is people having an issue with me because of someone else’s feelings or opinions. And it’s more often women not liking me because I am friends with a man they like or they assume a man will like me more. Sadly, this is one of the main reasons why I hang out with my guy friends more so than I do with my girl friends because women are just very catty and most women like to travel in groups together whereas, I like to come and go by myself.

My two best friends are sort of similar, they don’t really have too many girl friends, as a matter of fact they are not even friends with each other. Growing up, I mixed in with all the different clicks in school and my two besties were in different clicks. They don’t have any issues with each other, they just never hang out together and I became close to each of them separately. And what I love about these two women is that they are not the gossip types or whispering behind peoples back or trying to convince people not to be friends with other people. My besties are solid and they know that I make friends everywhere so when I do get the chance to spend time with them, they keep an eye out for the people around me to make sure people don’t get out of hand with me. They don’t instigate or start trouble, they just keep it from happening and deescalate any issues if necessary because we are all adults and have a lot to lose if shit hits the fan. I learned that people who don’t have their priorities right or do not have too much going on in their lives don’t care about securing their comfort or livelihoods. Oh, but trust me, my friends will throw hands if they have to. — We just don’t make that the first or only option.

But it is very unfortunate that I get more discrimination from women than I do from men. I think this has a lot to do with their own personal insecurities and inadequacies. I am doing great in life, yes my responsibilities have conditioned me to be a certain way with a certain type of temperament, but I never digress from wishing or wanting other people to do great in life too. I am always encouraging people to achieve their goals and level up. I am also aware that my goals are not the same as the next person, for example, I never wanted roommates and I never wanted to work at a place that was not career oriented and did not encourage upward mobility. Someone else may be okay with sharing a space with someone else and staying at the same positions for many year without a promotion or substantial raise. I know in some industries, you can have the same title, but receive good raises each year or commissioned based careers. The great thing about my professional skill set is that is useful in any field of business and there is no limit to how much I can earn. I think a goal everyone should have is to be fiscally responsible; where it does not matter if you are making 45k a year or 145k a year, but if you are not smart with your money, it will never be enough. Although again, I am aware that everyone does not have the same wants as I do, but at the very least, you should not be stuck and just accepting it or praying for someone else to change your situation and then discrediting certain people because you feel threatened or intimidated.

I know I have mentioned plenty of times before that when I hang out with my guys it can look like we are together because we are laughing and being engaged in each others conversations, but that’s just how me and my fellas are; from those who I grew up with to the ones I became close to in the last few years. For instance, my one guy friend from childhood is all about me when we see each other, which is about once a year or less. If we are hanging out somewhere, he always makes sure to look over at me and ask if I’m good or if I need anything even if he has a lady friend with him, he’ll make sure I’m comfortable before anyone else. Because the one thing we should all keep in mind is no matter how many sweethearts or lovers we have whether they are long term or short term, our good friends are still there and we should not mistreat them to appease someone else.

I tell my friends that if a man gives me an ultimatum about my friendships with people, then he’s got to go. He doesn’t have to be friends with my friends, but he’ll have to learned that my friends have seen me through a lot and I’m not going to cut them off because he feels threatened. And if a man is around long enough, then he will learn that I am a loyal lover, but I am a loyal friend too. He will have not have to worry about anyone else bedding me if he is my romantic partner. None of my close guys friends are confused of my friendship with them, they know exactly where I stand and vice versa. So if any man that I may become involved with has an issue with my guy friends, I’ll hear him out, but he will not sway me to stop being friends with any of them. I’ll let him know if I am going to hang out with them, because even though I won’t accept ultimatums, I still want him to know there is nothing sneaky going on. Here’s the thing, if me and a guy are not married, we do not have kids together, or we do not share a living space together or share any finances together, then respectfully we still have our own individual lives apart from each other. I will make a point to reassure him that I’m his and loyal to him, but he’s not going to change my mind about people who have been here way before him.

I also don’t like non-humorous pettiness, like don’t come to hang out with me and my friends to be shady towards them all to prove that I’m with you. If I’m going home with you, then there is no reason for a man to be rude or disrespectful towards any of my friends. You can still show that I am with you by being attentive to me and showing love to my friends, but don’t be standoffish to anyone in my circle. If you’re uncomfortable, I’ll most likely already notice it and do what I can to accommodate a man, but don’t ever start problems with the people I love.

Hate is bad energy and it can bleed into other parts of our lives and affect our decisions and how we treat people. It can also cause us to distance ourselves from people without valid reasons other than the fact we are going off of biased judgments. We do not have to be friends, but we also do not have to tear each other down. Hate takes away from who we can or should be. It’s one of those things where you have to think, “Is this the type of person I want to be or show people?”

“If you can’t be a good friend to a woman because you're afraid of upsetting a broad you aren’t living with, then both of you are the problem.” 🤷🏽‍♀️