“I hate when people lie to me when I can read their energy. Who are you trying to convince? Me or You? Because I already know.”

This topic is sort of related to the My Man My Man post and for those of you who asked me about how my guy friend reacts when I say certain things to the women he’s dating, he doesn't react because he'll tell those ladies that I’m not going anywhere and they'll either have to accept it or be gone. And all of them cooperate because they want to be with him. And again, I never slept with him so there's no sexual energy between us. Some women just aren't comfortable with me around their men no matter what my history is with him. And the women who try to get snappy with me, I hold my tongue as best as I can because I can promise you that anything I say in retaliation will crush her soul and have her thinking her whole life choices. — You don’t want to play with a woman who has her shit together because she did and learned a lot to get there and she will tare down your value if you push her. If a woman has an issue with a man she’s dealing with, don’t bring your aggression towards another woman or bring other people into it, address it with the man because if you’re not my friend and you’re getting upset with my about a man, I’m not going to really care too much about your feelings because your focus is on wrong person.

There is also a few of you who didn’t like that I said I'm not one of those females who does the whole, “I’m coming to you as a woman.” and saying I should be more supportive to women. What is there for me to support? Listen, adult relationships are different especially the older you get and you realize everyone has their own ways of making things work. It’s not my place to tell a woman about a man, any man. He decides however he decides to act and you have the option to accept it or walk away. You can tell him about things that bother you and if he doesn't make any changes, then that is his choice and you can make your choice. There's no need to get anyone else involved for you to decide what to do. Can you not make your own decisions? Do you not have options? That's why I’m not telling a woman about a man, I’m not going to influence her heart in way. Her partner should be handling that.

Anyways, let’s move on. You guys know how I talk about privacy? Let's talk about privacy in our relationships even if it’s not yet too serious and let’s all get on the same intellectual field here about secrecy vs privacy because I hate being gaslighted and being told I don’t know what I’m talking about when my intuition was right the whole time…C'mon now I’m not a dumb broad. I’m pampered, but I ain’t dumb and I pay attention 😏. Secrecy is denying your involvement with someone. Privacy is acknowledging your involvement with someone, but not sharing details about it.

You still need to keep a barrier between you, your partner and everyone else. My two best friends are both married. Just like any other relationship, they go through some tough times, but a marriage is high level commitment and communication. Both my bestfriends and I can talk about anything with one another and we support each other unconditionally. My one bestfriend has never discussed with me any of her marriage woes. While my other best friend has only once told me when her husband was upsetting her and it was more so a disagreement between the two of them and they both said some harsh things to each other, it wasn't a divorce level issue. Either way, my bestfriends and I all know that our relationships are our own not anyone's, not our parents, not our other friends, not our other family members, not our coworkers, no one. The most anyone really needs to know is that you are in a relationship, any other piece of information isn't necessary unless you want to share it.

Even with my marriage my friends didn't know there was issues until it ended. Everyone thought we were doing good. Although, my ex had a habit of sharing our business with other people. So when my friends learn about some details, they called me about it. I didn't want to discuss it, I just wanted to move on.

It's the same with anyone else in my life, if I’m having issues with them, I don’t console with anyone else. There have been times when a mutual party would step in, which I don't mind, but I still keep the details limited and I'll let the other side tell their story however they want to tell it. Keep in mind that people who have a lot to say about someone when things are bad they are deflecting their part in the problem which is why if I’m on bad terms with someone I don't give anyone too much information about what the problem is. If that person and myself cannot work it out then I’m not going to solicit other people to get their involvement or input. If there is a mutual person who wants to step in then it should be a person who knows both of you and is going to be unbiased.