“We win for our own personal reasons and we show it in our own personal way.”

Sometimes we do not realize it, but we can be biased towards people. Let’s say you criticize me for something I do, but then admire or praise someone else for doing the same thing, what is the reason for that? Either you don’t want to give me credit, either you are not paying attention, or you have a personal issue with me. Say if we are supposed to be friends and you avoid praising me for doing my best and reaching my goals, but you praise someone else for reaching their goals…yeah, you have personal issue with me, my dear. Let’s say for instance a man is telling me that he admires another woman he knows for still finding a way to make things happen while dealing with a lot of hurdles…then that man is avoiding to acknowledge what he knows about me.

So, I am on this body wellness kick, my mind and my soul are straight, but physically, there is a way I want my figure to be. I already have an hourglass type of shape, but I want it to be more defined and toned. A few weeks ago I started doing sculpting massages where I am starting to see more definition in my mid section and I altered my diet a little. I also pulled back on my alcohol consumption and detox my liver every other week. All of these are little adjustments and I am noticing slight differences, but I’m interested to see on who else notices a change.

Anyway, let’s get back to the main topic. Psychology suggests that when you scrutinize someone for celebrating their accomplishments there’s evidence of bias and even insecurity. Let me give you an example, women do this a lot: When a woman makes comments about another woman’s way of fancy living, say she says something like, “She’s always dressed like she’s going somewhere” or “she ain’t better than me” or “she’s always showing off her stuff”…does any of that sound familiar? In my perspective anyone who say things like this, man or woman, has issues within themselves. If someone seems to always dress nice, maybe it’s because they take pride in how they look. If you think that someone else thinks they are better than you, well in theory they probably are because of your current mindset of being negative. And if someone seems to be showing off their stuff, is that what they are really doing or is that what you first see because you lack having the same things or that’s not how you would do things? Either way, maybe someone is proud to be able to live the life they worked hard for, why be bothered about it? Like I’m not into the big medallion chains and necklaces, but I know some people wear those things because it’s their style and it’s a token of their success. The quarterback of my football team wears one and even though that’s not something appealing to me, I still applaud him because he’s worked hard and deserves to live how he wants to. Plus, he’s such a sweet kid. I don’t mean to call him that, but I first met him when he was earning his undergrad. He has a very resilient mindset. I love watching him play and I know he’s going to do just as well off the field too.

And in a previous post, when I mentioned how a sports commentator now has his own personal platforms and really showing his character and status, the photos of him don’t phase me, it’s what he chooses to talk about that leads me to think he’s really allowing all the hype and publicity influence what he’s doing. I applaud him for shifting to other types of platforms, but the content just doesn’t do it for me, but that’s me. And I do have friends who are very familboyant in the way they showcase their lives, they are not at all low-key and laidback, but I still praise them because I know where they came from and what they sacrificed. I just hate when people judge or talk about other people as if they themselve don’t have things to improve upon. Usually when I hear people talking like this, I navigate the conversation in a more positive way of thinking.

Even when someone’s values do not exactly align with mine, I still find ways to compliment them. For instance I was talking to one of my friends the other day and he was sharing how so many women are trying to be involved with him — and this friend does his fair share of entertaining women, sometimes I bear witness to it, other times he just tells me about it, but he meets women everywhere. So in our conversation, he says more affluent women are interested in him, like high professional women and women who have their own. Instead of telling my friend he needs to calm down, I told him that is a great testament to his character given that high caliber women see something in him that has peaked their interests. And you know what he said to me? “I’m not fcking with bum btches or young btches that just look good.” And again, instead of talking him down, I told him that’s because you have a mature outlook on things and then he says, “Yall independent btches don’t listen, but you know what you want, and I like that sht.” So my friend is the kind of guy that whoever he gets involved with, she has to have other things going on in her life because he can’t be her main focus. And then he proceeds to tell me to stay focused on my academics and not to be like him, and I cannot even fathom being like him, but I love this friend wholeheartedly. I love how honest he is about who he is and his intentions with women, so I will always defend his nonsense because he knows how to compartmentalize the various parts of his life. He is a family man first and foremost, he is a businessman second, he is a friend third, and everything else is at his discretion.

So regardless of where you are in your life or what you believe, there is no reason for you to discredit someone else’s wins and happiness in life.

Be safe everyone.